Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Happy Birthday Laura!

Dear Laura,

You're getting old. You know it and as your older sister, no one knows it better than me. I wish I could remember the day mom brought you home from the hospital, but I don't. Mom and Dad like to pretend that at 2-years-old, I was too young to remember, but we both know the truth.

I hated you.

I mean, let's face it. From day one you were a blonder, skinnier, higher maintenance version of ME. Talk about stealing a girl's thunder.

And don't even get me started about Stacey popping out a mere 3-years later.

The point is, I've never fully gotten over losing my prized position as an only child. Some might say that's reflected in my, *ahem*, strong personality. But something strange has happened over the years. I started to realize that other people are WAY more annoying than my blood relatives. Sure, you stuck your fat foot through my carefully constructed popsicle stick house on purpose, you ripped the ear off my Pound Puppy Coco, you stole my favorite pink sweatshirt with a large cartoon cat printed on the front, but you also worshiped the ground that I walked on.

In spite of the fact that you and Stacey thought I was the best thing since Debbie Gibson, I spent the bulk of my formative years feeling bitter that you two were so much more talented than me. Until finally I realized that as the God like oldest sister, I was wasting my time (and far lesser talents) on bitterness. Bitterness is for losers. Smart oldest sisters USE their more talented sisters to catapult them to greatness.

Remember how you supposedly had the idea to write young adult novels together? I spent years planting those seeds. YEARS. I knew I had to be a writer and I also knew there was no way I was ever going to be able to go it alone.


Anyway, being the benevolent older sister, I've gone and gotten you something AMAZING this year. That's right, I contacted the folks at Publisher's Weekly and graciously instructed them to put your name first when they mentioned The Lies That Bind in their Fall 2012 Sneak Previews.

Happy birthday, my slave.



If this picture had sound you would be able to hear me whisper, "I own you," into Laura's ear.

At night when we were supposed to be sleeping in our bedroom I'd make Laura put on that exact outfit and I'd call her Patrick because I wanted a little brother. And then I'd force her to make a human bridge between our twin beds so I could literally walk all over her. Even from a young I age I understood that with great power comes great responsibility.


B.E. Sanderson said...

Happy Birthday, Laura!

And as the youngest of 5 - with two older sisters - I have to say... ROFL, Lisa. We younger sisters may forgive but we never forget. Bwa ha ha.

Laura Pauling said...

Happy Birthday, Laura!

Older sister, gotta luv them. I had one too. Laura, we could talk and commiserate about our childhoods and then be thankful that our older sisters turned into our best friends! :)

(And first when I saw the Dear Laura - I thought, why are they writing me a letter?)

Jen Daiker said...

I'm still laughing to the point of crying at the 'human bridge'. Sounds like my house... Being the oldest sister, I too, have done things that brought me to greatness.

One that didn't pan out? The time my sister burnt my back with a curling iron because I wouldn't curl her hair. That time, I didn't own her.

Kelly Polark said...

Happy Birthday, Laura!

Nothing like sisters. I have an older one myself, and I was always the pesky little sister until she went away to college. (Then she let me go to college parties with her for some reason. I went to the same college as her because I always had a blast there. And it was a great university. :)

Rebekkah Ford said...

Hey, Laura, Happy Birthday! I hope you have a wonderful day. :)

Lisa, that was a cute post. I have an older sister and can totally relate to this post. . .

Everything always had to be HER way, or she wouldn't play with me. And I could never be Wonder Women, because SHE wanted to be Wonder Women,so I had to be Boobie Women...

Yeah. I know. Mean, huh? Were you like that with Laura and Stacey?

Nicole Zoltack said...

Happy birthday, Laura! I hope you have a great one!

What a great post, Lisa. Only those with siblings - sisters - can truly understand it.

Sara B. Larson said...

Happy birthday Laura!! Hope it's a wonderful day.

And, as the oldest of 5 girls, I totally loved this post. Sisters are the best. :)

Chelsey said...




For realz!!!!!!

I have always wanted to be able to do that!

yabooknerd said...

Happy Birthday Laura!

I feel your pain as a younger sister and of course all the good times too!!!

Loretta Nyhan said...

Happiest of Birthdays to you, Laura!!!!

Marsha Sigman said...

Happy B-Day, Laura!

And to you, Lisa...being the youngest of 6 six with three older siters...I say nay.

We only let you think you own us. That is our brilliance.

Krispy said...

Happy birthday, Laura!

And Lisa, this was the most hilarious birthday letter ever. LOL. As an older sister myself, I totally get you.

Rhonda said...

Happy Birthday Laura!!! Hope you have an awesome one.

And Lisa? I'm the oldest girl in a family of five - I've got three younger sisters. I bow to your greatness - clearly you took to heart the creed of the oldest child.

Little Ms J said...

Happy Birthday, Laura! What a lucky girl you are to have such a cool older sister to guide you through life and threaten you into submission.

Love and mush and big bday wishes!

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