How Candy Crush Saved My Life...

Just kidding. Candy Crush is destroying my life one dotted bon-bon (You know the ones. You see them and your heart starts racing and you do everything in your power to get a striped ball of joy next to them so your screen explodes with striped balls of joy working their stripey magic) at a time.

Candy Crush has made me a better mom.

This is happening.

"Busy," "High Energy," "Active," "Curious." These are all words that describe my 19-month-old son James. "Time-consuming," "Addictive," "Crack-laced," "Wasteful." These are words that describe Candy Crush. James + Candy Crush = Emergency.

Candy Crush has made my marriage stronger.

I give up.

Sometimes I'll wake up in the middle of the night and struggle to fall back asleep. A few games of Candy Crush never hurt anyone. Until the glow from your phone wakes your husband up out of a deep slumber and he catches you in the act. Candy Crush: 1. Marriage: 0.



Candy Crush has made me a better person.

This is called devotion.

To make up for my shortcomings since being introduced to this devil game, I baked a special cake for our family to enjoy.

Okay.

I'm lying. I didn't bake a cake and I have no intention of baking a Candy Crush cake or any cake for that matter. I did buy some chocolate chip cookie dough batter from Target yesterday, so that's something. Baby steps.


Candy Crush has made me a better writer.

Damn you flashing cursor. Damn you to Candy Crush hell.

If only I could multi-task while writing. If that were the case, I'd have Interior Therapy with Jeff Lewis streaming in the background, my phone in one hand Candy Crushing away and the other hand typing the book of our lives. Perhaps then I could truly say that Candy Crush saved my life. I wonder if those words have ever been uttered. The creator. Only out of the creator who is laughing his way to the bank every time someone agrees to pay 99 cents to continue playing his crack-laced app.


But hey, at least I'm not desperate enough to spend any money on Candy Crush or change the time on my phone to get more lives.

Okay.

I'm lying again. I might have invested a little over $10.00 so far to unlock additional levels. But it's only so I don't have to wait three days or bother Facebook friends. Is that so bad? Is it? IS IT?

And no, I haven't changed the time on my phone.

Yet.