Monday, June 29, 2009

The Brainstorm

Big night tonight, and not just because we housed an entire package of Twizzlers. Laura came over to flesh out a few of our book ideas. As evidenced by the picture above, we brainstorm best with Twizzlers and Crystal Light. It just works. Oh, and you can't tell, but my notebook is really adorable. It helps to have cute notebooks too.

We now have 3 solid outlines of potential projects that we're going to pitch to May-jah Agent (phonetic spelling for those of you who've forgotten that the "Major" is to be said with your best V. Bex accent) later this week. I'm feeling pretty good about 2 of the 3 projects. The third project would be challenging, but also might be the most marketable. It will be interesting to get Major Agent's perspective on all of the concepts.

Honestly, we might end up back at the drawing board, and we'd be completely ok with that too. At this stage in the game we want to write something that's going to be easy to market to publishers. Does that make us a couple of sell out, idea whores? Um...yes, probably. But we're totally ok with that label thankyouverymuch.

Brainstorming is always a fun part of the process for us because it usually devolves into random conversations. Tonight we discussed everything from starting a book with a ghost taking a dump (I'm not kidding. I really wish I was, but I'm absolutely not) to randomly adding in vampires, werewolves and characters named Bella to each of the books, you know just to increase their marketplace viability. It was hilarious. Really it was. Well, maybe it was only funny if you've eaten half a bag of Twizzlers. You'll just have to take my word for it.

Over the next couple of days we'll be drafting and finalizing a one page synopsis for each project and then sending it over the interwebs to Major Agent. For the record, synopsis writing is the bane of my existence. Laura is MUCH better at it than I am and this is one of the many times throughout the writing process where I thank God for my writing partner.

All of this brainstorming has us excited to start a new project. We're hoping some actual productivity will help counteract the shame induced hangover that inevitably hits after a fruitful day of cyberstalking potential editors and refreshing our e-mail.

Good. Times.

Friday, June 26, 2009

Fabulous Friday

This week was just full of fabulousity. I feel like I'm finally getting into a groove as a stay-at-home-mom, but that's probably just because the kids started camp this week. Don't judge.

Without further ado, here are all of the fabulous things I've learned this week:

1. Apparently there is this ultra secret gift that stay-at-home moms give each other when they're welcoming a new member into their ranks.

I received my gift bag from my friend Carly this week. Not bad, right? I feel like the Quilting Today and the champers cancel each other out. And yes, the bottle of champagne is empty. What can I say? Champagne with an ice cube sure beat the Crystal Light I was planning on serving at the playdate.

2. Our readers are much funnier than we are. As if our
little contest wasn't proof enough, Laura called me on my cell phone to read me some of the comments on the Drew Barrymore post out loud.

Personal favorites include:

--"Do you think Lucy Liu and Cameron Diaz are texting each other to schedule an intervention?Angel down. Angel down!"

--"Here's what's funny to me--Justin's whole "thing" is that he's the cool guy in the Mac ads. Boyfriend just doesn't look so cool walking around with Drew in her clown garb. Just sayin'. He needs to reign her in lest he lose his credibility and suddenly everyone wants to be the PC guy. I'll bet that PC guy's wife wears Tory Burch."

I'm not sure which is more pathetic, the fact that Laura and I have entire phone conversations about comments on the blog or that Little Ms. J. and Sarah Francis totally showed up our post in the comments. Well played, girls. Well played.

3. There are certain people who I should not be permitted to go shopping with. You know who you are. It was just an innocent trip to the mall to kill time before we had to pick up the kiddies from camp and I ended up coming home with these: Um...oops. I'm supposed to be saving money for a new laptop, but these were on sale. SALE! How could I pass them up? They're sparkly. Do you see the sparkles?

Anyways, they're all mine now and there's no way I'm taking them back. Ever. Thank god for friends who remind you that one has an obligation to purchase shoes like this when they're found abandonded on a sale rack.

It's really more like adoption than shopping.

4. I heart Major Agent. Laura and I have been feeling totally unfocused since we've been on sub, so we're going to pitch a few of our new project ideas to Major Agent next week. I have the feeling that once we're working on an agent sanctioned manuscript we'll hit the ground running with our WIP.

Bottom line: our agent rocks. Hard. I honestly can't imagine doing any of this without her. We're lucky girls.

I'm not sure this post can take any more fabulousity, so have a fab weekend everyone! We'll be back on Monday with our usual nonsense.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

D-Bag-O-Meter: PC of NYC Prep

NYC Prep premiered this week and it did not disappoint. The kids on this show are so affected that it was difficult to watch at times. It was one of those cringe worthy shows where you almost want to cover your eyes because you're so embarrassed on behalf of the people on screen.

Naturally, I managed to watch the entire 60 minutes, plus the 30 minute preview special.

After spending a full hour and a half with PC, I knew that it was time to break out the D-Bag-O-Meter (patent pending). Laura and I have been hard at work conceptualizing the D-Bag-O-Meter (patent pending) for some time now, and thanks to the help of our Photoshop Genius Sister (patent not pending) it's finally ready for public consumption.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with the term D-Bag (aka Douchebag) I give you Wickipedia:

"Douchebag, or simply douche, is considered to be a pejorative term in North America. In other English speaking countries the term is not well known. The slang usage of the term dates back to the 1960s. The term implies a variety of negative qualities, specifically arrogance and engaging in obnoxious and/or irritating actions without malicious intent. It is generally used for males only."

Yes, it's a little crass, but it's the perfect way to describe those guys that think they're too cool for school when they're actually total poseurs. Famous d-bags include men like Slade Smiley, Jesse Metcalfe, Chad Michael Murray and John Mayer. A true D-Bag takes himself extraordinarilty seriously and can often be seen wearing marves (man scarves) and mandals (man sandals).

Exhibit A: Watch a D-Bag in action as PC uses the term "gal friends" without a hint of irony.

Dear PC,

Please see below for your official ranking on the D-Bag-O-Meter (patent pending). As you can see, George is the quintessential non-douche, while Spencer is as douchy as they come.

You, dear PC, have just earned yourself a "serious d-bag" rating with your performance in the NYC Prep premier.

Thanks for playing.


Wednesday, June 24, 2009

And the winner is...

Well, it was a tight race between "Child leashes slut monkey" and "Desperately flirting idea whores," but in the end "Child leashes slut monkey" won in the voting booth.

Congratulations, Sarah! Send us an e-mail and let us know what your gift certificate of choice will be. Barnes and Noble? J.Crew? Nordstrom? Your choice clever girl.

Ooh, and we should mention that Sarah was literally our very first follower. If you've ever read any of our early blog posts you'd know she deserves way more than a $30 gift certificate for reading our blog on a daily basis.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

She's baaackkkk...

Oh've officially made our fashion watch list. We're concerned there are more serious matters at hand, namely fashion insanity which may or may not require copious amounts of rehab.

Is that face paint or some type of reflective gear so she won't get hit by a car at night? A dunce cap? Did you go on a wacky/unflattering leggings shopping spree?

Time to put down the Mac and stage an intervention, Justin. Better yet, power up your iPhone and get this shit taken care of because there's got to be an app for this.

Upon second glance, I realized that thing on her head is actually a shark hat. Because marlins have big teeth? I'm confused.

And yes, I totally get that she went with the whole team spirit look for a day at the ball park, but this is not ok. Not even if you're root, root, roooting for the home team.

Monday, June 22, 2009

Democracy Rocks...

Because we are both democratic and indecisive we've decided to let our readers declare the winner of our first ever Google Me This contest. The poll will be open until tomorrow at midnight, so be sure to vote for your favorite before then. The winner will receive a $30 gift certificate to the store of their choice.

Viva la democracy! (Or something like that.)

Which google search that leads directly to our blog do you find most amusing?
child leashes slut monkey
Sleeping with Zack Efron is a feast of awesome
Jackasses drooling over buzzed monkeys
Desperately flirting idea whores free polls

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Got a case of the Sundays?

For as long as I can remember I've always hated Sunday nights. There's just something so inherently depressing and lonely about the end of a weekend.

I think Angela Chase said it best:

"There's something about Sunday night that really makes you wanna kill yourself. Especially if you've just been totally made a fool of by the only person you'll ever love and you have a Geometry midterm on Monday, which you still haven't studied for because you can't because Brian Krakow has your textbook and you're too embarrassed to even deal with it. And your little sister's completely finished with her homework, which is just, like, so simple and mindless a child could do it. And that creepy 60 Minutes watch that sounds like your whole life ticking away."

There's a part of me that still associates Mondays with Geometry midterms and Brian Krakow. And in spite of the fact that I now watch 60 minutes (talk about irony...), I still think of Jordan Catalano and suicide every time I hear that ticking clock. I guess deep down I'm still an angsty 16-year-old, only now my angst is reserved for things like trips to the grocery store and camp schedules. Jealous?

God, I hate Sundays.

But watching this makes me feel just a little bit better...

If all of the My So-Called Life references were completely lost on you, stop reading our lame blog and buy, borrow or steal the complete first season. Now. Seriously.

Friday, June 19, 2009

Another Friday...

And I've learned precious little this week. It wasn't a bad week exactly, just a blah week. I definitely left the house and we definitely did stuff, I'm just not sure what we did.

Anyways, here's what I learned in the 2nd to last week of June:

1. Our friends are funny. The searches that you guys are putting together for our little contest are fabulous. Some early favorites include: "sleeping with Zack Effron is a feast of awesome," "child leashes slut monkey," and "Jackasses drooling over buzzed monkeys." There are also another couple of searches including "lisa and laura are whores" and "justin bobby stripper punishment." I'm not sure if these are part of the contest or not, but I found them highly entertaining.

2. Rainy days = Mommy Fail. Have you ever spent the entire day inside your house with a 2-year-old and a 4-year-old while it rains buckets outside? Have you done it 4 days in a row? I hate Cleveland weather.

3. Summer television isn't that bad. Now that the Real Housewives of New Jersey has come to a premature end (that season was WAY too short) we have NYC Prep to look forward to. And Royal Pains is getting better. Honest. The acting isn't terrible and the doctor is really cute even if he is really short. And fine, I'll admit it. I watch True Blood. It's horrible, trashy and oftentimes repulsive, but it's also compulsively watchable.

4. I love Libba Bray. I'm on the final book (The Sweet Far Thing) in Libba Bray's Gemma Doyle series and it's fantastic. The books are paced perfectly and are almost impossible to put down. As I'm reading, I keep trying to figure Bray's secret, but so far all I can come up with is phenomenal writing. Helpful.

5. Dads rock. Sunday is Father's Day and I'm grateful for all of the dads in my life. My dad and my father-in-law are two of those rare men who wanted to be involved in every aspect of their kid's lives. They set a precedent that my husband lives up to every single day when he changes diapers, puts the kids to bed, gives bubble baths and plays the infamous "catch me" game. I'm so grateful to be surrounded by amazing dads.

Well, that's all she wrote for this week. Have a fabulous weekend everyone!

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Google Me This - a Contest LiLa Style

Ok, so it's no secret that we're a little obsessed with all things Stat Counter, and there's nothing we love more than when someone stumbles upon our blog via a particularly random google search. Personal favorites include "bitch sister naked payback" and the ever popular "overalls cameltoe."

So, dear readers, it's your turn. The reader who manages to find our blog via the most outrageous and hilarious google search will win a $30 gift certificate to Barnes and Noble or really any store you choose. We're totally flexible and understand that your need for fabulous accessories may outweigh your need for a good book at this stage in the game.

Anyways, here's how to play:

1. Start googling. Enter in random terms and see what brings you to our blog.

2. Once you a hit upon suitably random and hilarious search term that actually brings up our blog in the search results click on the link to our blog. This will ensure that it comes up in Stat Counter so we can verify your entry.

3. Now, just leave your hilarious and random search term in the comments section for this post and you'll be officially entered.

The contest is open until midnight on Sunday June 22nd and the winner will be announced on Monday morning. Happy googling!

We can't make any promises because this is totally subjective, but if you link to our little contest in your blog or on your twitter and also paste the link in the comments section you might just earn yourself some brownie points. Just sayin...

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Green is the new black...

As a very wise frog once said, "It ain't easy being green," and lately, I'm feeling his pain.

Jealousy is a bitch.

Whether I'm drooling over my friend's recent vacation pictures, admiring a stranger's fabulous ensemble in the grocery store or scanning the YA section at the book store, I've had a raging case of the green meanies lately. Now don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled that I have friends who take fab vacays and I love reading publishing success stories, but I also sort of feel like throwing myself on the ground in a collassal temper tantrum because I WANT IT TOO!

Here's the thing, I'm actually a pretty competative person, but throughout my life I've always been very careful to only play games that I know I can win. Horrible? Yes. Lazy? Definitely. But it's also the (rather pathetic) truth.

So here I am now, jobless for the first time since I was 15-years-old with our debut novel on submission to publishers; aspiring to do something that 99.9% of people fail at doing. In the past I would have given up after our first query rejection. Or I would never have even tried in the first place because really, what's the point if your chances at success are this slim?

But things are different now. I see those books in the bookstore and my stomach clenches. I want this and I will not give up until I get it. I have no idea where this journey is going to take us, but I know one thing for sure, we'll get there eventually.

Oh, and for that woman at the grocery store, the one with the Tory Burch sandals I've been drooling over and the Marc Jacobs bag that I'd seriously consider giving up my first born for, watch your back.

I have a Nordstrom's charge and I'm not afraid to use it.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Divine Secrets of Stay-at-Home-Motherhood

Now that I've officially joined the ranks of the SAHMs (stay-at-home-moms for those of you who don't frequent the mommy blogs), I'm slowly starting to discover their secrets.

1. Nap time is not just for the 5 and under set. Naps are fabulous for mommies too whether you're sleeping off a humiliating playdate or that bottle of pinot grigio from the night before. It's really a win/win.

2. Always say no to playdates at the Cleveland Zoo. The big attraction is Monkey Island which consists of a huge rock with 5 emaciated monkeys laying around. Trust me when I say you really don't want to be answering questions about whether the monkeys are sleeping or in monkey heaven. I'm still a little shocked that this wasn't featured in the Cleveland Tourism videos.

3. Join a gym with fabulous child care. There is no better incentive for working out than being able to take a shower and apply make-up in peace after you're all done with that spin class.

4. It's time to start a movement to make child leashes socially acceptable. This ever controversial accessory really would be fantastic if it wouldn't be completely humiliating to break it out. Maybe if they came up with some really chic version of the thing I could get the other moms on board and I could happily restrain my 4-year-old without all the dirty looks. And no, I don't currently use a leash like this, but it's so, so, so tempting.

5. Mommy guilt is so last season. I used to feel terrible when my children would run around stores like hooligans, scream at the top of their lungs when I'm trying to have a phone conversation and my personal favorite, beg strangers for food. Yes, my children have asked complete strangers for food. I swear I feed them regularly, but aside from attaching a feedbag to their faces I'm not sure how to rectify the situation.

In short, I am that mom. The one that single women with fabulous shoes and bags openly mock. The one who the mothers of adorable 6-month-olds swear they'll never become. The mom I promised myself I'd never be. And you know what, it's really not that bad...once you get past all the pitying looks from strangers.

Guess the best kept secret of all is to never say never.

Monday, June 15, 2009

Where have you been all my life?

That is the question I was asking myself when I started reading this blog.

I can't take credit for finding this little gem. I stumbled across a link over at Editorial Anonymous, a fabulous blog you should all be reading on a daily basis. Honestly, I just can't believe I haven't been following the inner monologue of an editorial intern and soon-to-be-published author who talks about herself in the third person and posts random thoughts like this on a daily basis:

"THE INTERN interrupts her daily romp through the slush pile to bring you this newsbreak: God is not on your team. Today alone, THE INTERN has had to send rejection letters to three people who thought he was . Newsflash: If God was on your team, you wouldn't need to be sending me a book proposal. That shit would come to me in a vision, and I would contact you."

I knew I was adding her to my blog roll as soon as I read the words "that shit would come to me in a vision, and I would contact you."

Good. Times.

Thursday, June 11, 2009


It's Friday it me or did it come quickly this week? It has definitely been an action packed week and against all odds I'm feeling pretty fantastic. Sure, I'm no longer gainfully employed, but I do have the whole summer to write, spend time with the kids, and refresh my e-mail.

Not a bad deal.

Onwards. As always we learned some pretty fascinating things this week:

1. Apparently sibling rivalries can go too far. Just ask the person who found our blog by searching for "bitch sister naked payback." Gives a whole new meaning to the term payback's a bitch.

2. I want to love Top Chef Masters, but really it just makes me miss Padma and Tom. Thankfully The Next Food Network Star is pretty entertaining because it's just not summer unless you're religiously watching a foodie competition.

3. Speaking of terrible television, Royal Pains is one of those so bad it's good kind of shows that I love watching in the summer, mainly because there's nothing else on. If you can get past the fact that the hot doctor (and yes, he really is very hot) looks like he's approximately 5'1 and is constantly saving lives using Bic pens and Ziplock baggies, then you're in for a treat. If not, well, it's still mildly amusing and it's not like you're watching it instead of a new episode of Gossip Girl.

4. If you have a fun neighbor who comes over to drink wine and discuss everything from reality television to good books, you can almost trick yourself into thinking you're in college again. After all, you're buzzed on a Thursday night and you don't even need a designated driver. Of course, reality hits home when your conversation is interrupted by a hungry 6-week-old and two antsy preschoolers who are supposed to be sound asleep. It's not quite the same as getting busted by your RA (resident advisor for those of you not fluent in Felicity), but close enough.

5. It feels good to be reading again. I'm not one of those writers who can't read a book and write at the same time, but I will admit that between writing and revisions we haven't had much time for books over the past 6 months. And now that I'm plowing through a book every couple of days again I remember how good it feels to get lost in the words of another writer.

6. As writers, sometimes you just need to talk to someone who fully understands the ups and downs of being on submission. This conversation between Laura and I is a great example:

Lisa: So.

Laura: Yeah.

Lisa: This sucks.

Laura: Yeah...

Lisa: So...

Laura: Yeah.

I'm not sure how, but sometimes just listening to each other breath on the phone totally helps.(And for all of you pervy people who found our blog via some disgusting google search, not in THAT way. We're sisters you jackasses.)

All in all it was a pretty solid week. I think we finally figured out our next big project and we're both really excited about it. Even better, we've got plenty of time to write. Life is good.

Have a fabulous weekend everyone!

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Idea whores

Dear Abby,

We've been working (not-so-diligently) on this project. Let's call her WIP. But here's the thing, we're sort of in a rut. I mean, at first WIP seemed so fresh, so new, so exciting. But now she's just gotten so stubborn. And we have to admit that we've sort of started to avoid her. It's just that she's always sitting there, incomplete on our desktop, nagging us about writing more. We just can't take it anymore.

And we have a huge confession to make. Since we've been avoiding her, we've started flirting with this hot new idea. This new idea just seems so easy and more fun than our pouty little work-in-progress. We've been having long, whispered conversations about her in the night and we have to say, we're totally feeling the love. Don't get us wrong, it's not like we've started outlining or anything like that, but we're tempted. We're so tempted.

We desperately want to trade in boring old WIP for this hot new idea. Is this the writer's version of a mid-life crisis? Should we consider some intensive marriage counseling to work out our issues with poor old WIP? Or is it time to cut our losses and site irreconcilable differences?

Honestly, this whole thing makes us feel a little bit like idea whores, bouncing from one project to the next like we're no longer capable of a fulfilling monogamous relationship. But this new idea...I mean, it's hot. Seriously.

Please help us Dear Abby.

The Slutty Sister Scribes

Book Review: A Great and Terrible Beauty

Ok, so I realize I'm a little late to the game here. So many people have recommended Libba Bray's A Great and Terrible Beauty, but it was one of those things where the concept didn't sound THAT appealing. And I realize that this is going to be a controversial statement here, but I'm not all that big on books about magic. It might have something to do with my historical inability to play a decent game of Zelda. Or perhaps my intense hatred for all things Lord of the Rings. Either way, magic just isn't my bag, baby.

And yet I read this book (all 400 pages of it) in less than 24 hours. So apparently, I do like magic and just didn't realize it. Or maybe Ms. Bray is just an exceedingly talented writer and if she wrote a book about scrapbooking, I'd read it and love it. At this point, I'm leaning toward the latter explanation, if only to save myself the humiliation of ordering my very own Dungeons and Dragons game.

All kidding aside, I think what was so successful about Bray's book was that she used magic as an analogy for the power of young women. She made me believe in the goddess within all of us. And really, who doesn't want to be a goddess? This was my favorite passage in the entire book:

"She walks out toward them, an apparition in white and blue velvet, her head held high as they stare in awe at her, the goddess. I don't yet know what power feels like. But this is surely what it looks like, and I think I'm beginning to understand why those ancient women had to hide in caves. Why our parents and teachers and suitors want us to behave properly and predictably. It's not that they want to protect us; it's that they fear us."

Wow. Just wow. I honestly felt like standing up and cheering after I read that paragraph. It's gorgeously written and there's a truth in those words that transcends time. It was true in the late 1800's when the book was set, and it's even more true now in a culture that thrives on sexualizing and objectifying young women.

3 out of 4 stars. I highly recommend this book. Please note we've had to update our rating system now that Gossip Girl is on hiatus.

Our Ever-So-Sophisticated Rating System (version 2.0):
4 Stars = While reading, I did not pause once to refresh my e-mail.
3 Stars = Great book, but kept an eye on my Blackberry. Just in case.
2 Stars = I refreshed at least once between every sentence of the book.
1 Star = I'd rather stare at my empty mailbox than read this book.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

To Facebook or not to Facebook...

So you all know that we're on the fence about Facebook. Eventually we're going to start a joint account and we'll link the the blog and add all of our fun writerly friends, but we're just not ready to let our worlds collide. Yet.

Anyways, I finally got sick of my friends telling me to join and broke down and opened an account for myself. To celebrate the occasion Lisa and I have spent the past 2 hours laughing at the random updates people feel the need to share on Facebook. Good times.

Austin stopped for McDonalds on the way home from work. Yumm...big mac. (Really? Who cares? And...eeew.)

Leah just saw two pink lines! Can't wait to tell my boyfriend! (Umm...congratulations? Should you really be sharing this on Facebook before you tell your boyfriend?)

Marty is taking the road less travelled. (Seriously? Out of all the Facebook crimes, vague, introspective updates have got to be the worst.)

So, we decided to make up a few of our own status updates for Facebook.

*Lisa Roecker is unable to stop watching Gerard Butler sing Gallway Girl in PS I LOVE YOU and believes this might be a sign of deeper issues at work.

*Laura Roecker has high triglycerides and just polished off a sleeve of oreos.

*Lisa Roecker's biggest fear is that she'll be found passed out on the couch with a melted container of Edy's ice cream, an empty bottle of wine and her finger on the F5 key of her computer, refreshing her e-mail.

*Laura Roecker has sheet marks on her face after napping all afternoon.

*Lisa Roecker sleeps with her Blackberry at night.

*Laura Roecker is still wearing her pajamas and is about to wear them to bed again.

*Lisa Roecker lurks on writing forums and would recognize almost every single member from a certain Absolute Write thread if she saw them on the street.

*Laura Roecker is in the car, and (as always) checks to see if she has enough money to buy a frosty. She never does.

As you can see this turned into something of a sisterly competition (girl fight!!!). You guys are far more entertaining than we are, so post your best Facebook updates in the comments and we'll choose the funniest to use as our very first update whenever we get our page up and running.

Monday, June 8, 2009


It's my last week at my job, and I'm busy doing all the stuff you do when you leave your place of employment. Sending out farewell letters (awkward), eliciting pity from co-workers (unwarranted) and completing last minute assignments (annoying).

The one task that I've been absolutely dreading since my departure was made official is cleaning out my e-mail. I've been working at this company for 8 years. Over the course of those 8 years, I wrote a lot of e-mails. Some of them were work related, but many of them were personal. Anytime I got a message that made me smile or made me angry or basically elicited any reaction aside from extreme boredom, I put it into my little "Lisa's Mail" folder for safekeeping. After all, you never know when you're going to need...evidence.

But now I'm left with 17,585 e-mails. 17,585 documents describing my life's work over the past 8 years. Ranting e-mails to my boyfriend, which over the years turned into ranting e-mails to my husband. Crazy postpartum e-mails after the birth of my two kids when I was low on sleep and high on hormones. Sad e-mails, happy e-mails. Congratulatory e-mails, conciliatory e-mails. E-mails about our book. E-mails about my life.

The thing is, I love these messages. Back when I hadn't dared to start writing blogs or books or anything creative, I wrote e-mails. Really entertaining e-mails. The kind of e-mails that made people say, "You know, you should really be a writer. What are you doing working at a consulting firm anyways?" Those kinds of e-mails.

And tonight I deleted all 17,585 of them.

Time for a clean slate and a new e-mail address.

Friday, June 5, 2009

You learn something new every week (vol. 4)

Another week, another set of life lessons...

1. What do Justin Bobby, strippers and punishment all have in common? Well, they were all key word searches that lead to finding our blog this week. More specifically, "insufferable punishment" (should we be offended by this one?), "Buy Justin Bobby t-shirt" (we wish!) and finally "Laura stripper" (nice...).

2. I'm very easily bamboozled. Well, played Eminem. Well played.

3. I can't stop wondering if Stephenie Meyers was offered tickets to The MTV Movie Awards. I mean, let's face it, my life would be complete if I were somehow able to weasel my way into the hot mess that is the MTV Movie Awards. I figure that if Stephenie got the invite and turned it down, there's like a 1% chance of that happening to me. But if Stephenie didn't get an invite, I'm really screwed considering our book isn't a movie and *ahem* isn't yet published.

4. Someone seriously needs to come up with a 12-step program for refreshing. I honestly feel like my obsession with refreshing my e-mail and StatCounter has impacted my ability to be a productive member of society. So much refreshing, so little time. "Hi, my name is Lisa and I have an addiction to the F5 key."

5. I'm standing by my assertion that Kristin Stewart was wasted out of her mind at the movie awards. Check this out and feel free to rip me a new one in the comments.

6. Do you hear that ear splitting noise? That's me squeeing. I just found out that my future-second-husband is starring in a movie that will be released on July 24th. Let the countdown begin.

7. We should have taken up knitting. Here's a snippet of our conversation this week:

Lisa: Trying to publish a book is like really hard. We should have chosen a less stressful pass time.

Laura: Yeah, like knitting.

Lisa: Totally. I mean if you knit, you just knit. If you manage to make a sweater, you're pretty much at the top of your game.

Laura: Right. And it's not like you make a sweater and have to send it to a panel of judges who rip it apart and decide whether it's a good sweater or not.

Lisa: And people find out that you made a sweater and they're just really impressed. They never think to ask you if your sweaters are ever going to be sold in Target.

Laura: I'm totally taking up knitting.

Lisa: Yeah, me too.

8. Coming out of the closet is scary. For the past 10 months Laura and I have been closet bloggers. We've been very selective about telling friends and family about the blog, the book, etc. It's just a little awkward to have to tell the whole story and we didn't want to feel inhibited about what we post on the blog. But now that I'm leaving my job and having to send everyone my new e-mail address I've also been sending the link to our website. It's terrifying, but surprisingly, it hasn't changed our blogging style. At all. Scroll down for Exhibit A: The Britney Post.

So, that about sums up our first week in June. Have a fabulous weekend everyone!

Thursday, June 4, 2009


My first thought was to post this and write one word, "wowsers." But upon taking a closer look, I felt inspired to write a short poem--I thought about a Haiku, but couldn't stop the rhymes. Thanks for the inspiration Brit!

Furry shoulders, cowboy hat, what is not to love?
Sparkly glasses, cumber bund, fingerless, fishnet gloves.

Ruffled boy shorts, golden accents, sign me up right now.
Put it all together and all you get is WOW.

I’m sure you sense the sarcasm, it’s laid on pretty thick,
But I guess if anyone can pull this off, it’d have to be our Brit.

A girl can dream...

I just stumbled upon this blog with these success stories about authors and their journey to publication.

Two words for you (that will forever haunt me in an untold number of future google search stats): Writer Porn.


Wednesday, June 3, 2009

WIP Wednesday: Pride and Purity Teaser

Yeah, we're still choosing to ignore the subtle differences between WIP Wednesday and Teaser Tuesday to suit our blogging schedule. Anyways, without further ado, here's a little snippet or as P-Clo would say, a WIPpet, of our WIP (work-in-progress), Pride and Purity.


“That bitch!” I couldn’t help but swear under my breath as I watched Bingley on stage with Captain Hotness. I felt my eyes narrow with annoyance and quickly wiped my face clean of any expression.

Rule #1 of being the older, less talented sister of America’s reigning teen queen: Never, ever let yourself look annoyed with said sister in public. Everyone will just assume you’re jealous. Correction, everyone already assumes you’re jealous, and surly expressions only confirm their suspicions. Unless you want to see your life laid out in a 3-page spread in US Weekly dramatically rehashing your dashed dreams of superstardom and your rumored estrangement from your fabulous sister, it’s best to smile. Trust me.

The truth is, I wasn’t jealous of Bingley as she sang in front of a packed stadium with Captain Hotness drooling all over her. I mean, let’s face it, I didn’t have the goods to fill out that pink, sequined halter top and I couldn't hold a note to save my life. No, I was annoyed because on the other side of the stage I saw publicist extraordinaire, Bobbi Reese, lapping up this little scene like a dehydrated dog. And there’s nothing I hated more than seeing Bobbi hydrated…er...happy.

Monday, June 1, 2009

Business Cards Are the New Black

Loyal blog readers meet K.M. Walton. She's an aspiring writer too (see, you already have something in common!) and she's hosting a fabulous contest on her blog. The winner will receive 25 custom designed business cards designed by her uber talented sister/entrepreneur/designer/proprietor of the amazing Uniquely Noted.

We liked her already, but you all know how we feel about sisters.

Awesome, right? Well hurry up, because you have to enter by midnight tonight. Sorry for the late post, but we really don't like competition.

Anyways, this whole contest got us thinking...if we were to have business cards made up for ourselves, what would they say?

Here's our Top 5:

Lisa and Laura Roecker
Sister Writers NOT Sister-Wives
(Unless you think that would make our book more marketable, because if so we're totally willing to lie and we really don't look alike at all)

Lisa and Laura Roecker
More fun than Jane and Elizabeth Bennet

Lisa and Laura Roecker
Old Enough for a Quarterlife Crisis
Proud Viewers of MTV

The Hilton Sisters
minus spray tans
plus brains
minus 4 inches
plus 20 (fine 30) pounds
divided by Cleveland, OH
Lisa and Laura Roecker

Lisa and Laura Roecker
Better Moms than Brit
(well, most of the time anyways)

Tell us which one you like best in the comments and hurry up and post your entry! The clock is ticking...

Don't call this a comeback

So it’s been a minute. Or 10. Or truthfully more like 2,102,400. At least we think that’s how many minutes there are in 3 years, but let...