You know how people post a list of things they love every Friday? Well, I’ve decided to post a series of brief rants on Tuesday. Mostly because Tuesdays suck as a rule and I’m feeling extra stabby this week.
So…without further ado….
1. 3-year-olds. Ben slapped me across the face in the grocery store yesterday so hard that my teeth clanged together because I wouldn’t buy him a frosting-laden baseball cookie roughly the size of his head. You know that moment when someone legitimately hurts you and your first instinct is to punch them in the face? No? Just me? Oh well, guess I have some unresolved anger management issues, but man, I came so close to placing my screaming child on the ground, walking out the front door of the grocery store and leaving him for the baker to deal with. Instead I scooped him up and dragged him out of the store kidnapper style with some chicken breasts leaking all over my arm. It was super fun.
2. Work. I just don’t feel like doing anything right now because it’s 80 degrees and sunny outside.
3. End of school crap. Let’s just be honest, I’m done with school. My patience for fractions, measurements and spelling words was never really all that high to begin with, but it’s now at an all-time low.
4. Competitive People. You know who you are, and let’s just be honest, you WIN, ok? Seriously. I stalk your life on Facebook and Instagram and you are a better human than I am. Your kids are cuter, your husband loves you more, you have better clothes, your friends are cooler and you’re in far better shape than me. My kid just slapped me in the bakery aisle, my house is filthy and my children pull clean laundry out of baskets stored conveniently on top of their dressers like animals. I bow down to your awesome.
5. Hashtags. Seriously. Americans, I am BEGGING YOU to stop it with the unnecessary, rambling, hashtags. Hashtags are fantastic when they’re being used to actually track something, but beyond that: STOP. Please, just stop. I know we all tend to go to bed early, but you can catch up on your Jimmy Fallon during nap time. To put it in terms you might better understand, hashtags have gone the way of rainbow looms. It’s time to let them die a peaceful death. #please