Do you remember that time...

That instead of writing the next chapter of your novel that's due in less than two months, you spent the entire evening stalking old friends from high school via Facebook?

No?

Yeah....me neither.

But if we had stalked old friends from high school instead of writing here's what we'd say:

Laura: Holy crap, can you believe that guy is part of a colonic ponzi scheme?
Lisa: Actually, yes. Yes, I can.
Laura: You're quoting Phineus and Ferb again, aren't you.
Lisa: Yes. Yes, I am.

Laura: Wow, she looks AMAZING in a bikini.
Lisa: Yes. I have to agree. She must have some kind of handshake deal with Beezlebub.

Lisa: Do you remember our old babysitter, Deanne?
Laura: YES!
Lisa: I'll give you $10 if you can remember her father's name.
Laura: Todd?
Lisa: Seriously? I can't believe you're not getting this! Mom and Dad used to talk about that guy all the time.
Laura: Hmm...he must have been up to some shady stuff.
Lisa: Yeah. We need to get the deets on that.

Laura: Hey remember when we actually wrote stuff instead of slacking off?
Lisa: No.
Laura: Yeah, me neither.

The Bookanistas: The Goddess Test

When I was in 6th Grade we did a huge unit on ancient Greece. Before we started the unit, everyone took a test on random facts to be divided up into one of four groups. There was a group of Spartans (meat heads who barely passed the test), a group of Plebians (losers who failed the test), a group of Aristocrats (wannabes who did ok on the test) and then there were the gods and goddesses. The top 10% of test takers got to choose the god or goddess of their choice and drink Sprite and eat dried apricots while pretending to be god like or whatever.

I was an overachieving little nerd, so naturally I wanted to be a goddess. Unfortunately I wasn't a particularly smart nerd and was sadly little bit of a liar. I'll admit to taking a quick peek at a couple of my friend's answers to score well on that test. My cheating ways earned me the coveted role of Artemis, goddess of the moon. And I'd be lying if I said I regretted it. Sprite and dried apricots are delicious.

Anyway, turns out impersonating a goddess actually triggered a life-long fascination with Greek mythology, so when I saw the cover for THE GODDESS TEST and read a synopsis, I knew I had to read the book.

What the back cover has to say:


It's always been just Kate and her mom—and her mother is dying. Her last wish? To move back to her childhood home. So Kate's going to start at a new school with no friends, no other family and the fear her mother won't live past the fall.
Then she meets Henry. Dark. Tortured. And mesmerizing. He claims to be Hades, god of the Underworld—and if she accepts his bargain, he'll keep her mother alive while Kate tries to pass seven tests.

Kate is sure he's crazy—until she sees him bring a girl back from the dead. Now saving her mother seems crazily possible. If she succeeds, she'll become Henry's future bride, and a goddess.


What Lila has to say:
THE GODDESS TEST was a ton of fun. I had a blast trying to figure out the allusions to various myths and match characters to their corresponding god/goddess. I love the idea of younger readers picking up THE GODDESS TEST and discovering mythology for the first time. And they don't even have to cheat on an exam to learn more about the entertaining antics of Greek gods. They're way more entertaining than GOSSIP GIRL.


Check out what the other Bookanistas are up to this week:
Elana Johnson  points you to Human.4
LiLa Roecker  glories in The Goddess Test
Christine Fonseca is impressed by Imaginary Girls
Shannon Whitney Messenger delves into The Future of Us – with giveaway
Scott Tracey and Shana Silver are wild about Wildefire
Carolina Valdez Miller shivers over The Eleventh Plague – with giveaway
Jessi Kirby celebrates A Scary Scene in a Scary Movie
Stasia Ward Kehoe embraces All the Things You Are
Corrine Jackson sneaks into Sean Griswold's Head

The Professional Procrastinator

There are dinner dishes in the sink.
Clean clothes in the dryer.
A flashing cursor mocking me from a blank Word page.
And it's almost August, which gives me a pit in my stomach.

And yet...

UsWeekly's homepage is open on my computer.
I've watched approximately 20+ hours of Baby Gizmo review vlogs for strollers.
I've added many items to multiple online shopping carts with absolutely zero intention of buying.
I Googled "Milk Glass Bead Necklace."
I'm mainlining Pinterest and will probably need an intervention soon.

Is it just me? How do you guys procrastinate? Or will your comments be a bad influence?

Tell The Truth Tuesday

1. I ate matzo ball soup for breakfast, lunch and dinner today.

2. I'm so stuffed up that I couldn't really even taste it. So then I ate some leftover cake.

3. I think I'm the only person in the history of the world to get sick in July during the middle of an epic heat wave.

4. I was thisclose to sending someone at work a message that "I'd stay on top of [Insert Male Coworker Here]." And then as I was typing the words I realized that it sounded kind of dirty.

5. I have very little patience for people who bring nothing to the table.

6. I have ZERO patience for people who act cliquey and aren't supportive of friends and/or fellow authors.

7. I think the Sudafed is making me reveal truths that will inevitably be edited by Laura in the wee hours of the morning before most of you are reading this.

8. I'm deeply grateful that since my own personal filter is a little on the thin side Laura filters most of my public musings.

9. Jack is the BEST liar and I'm pretty sure he gets it from me. Karma is a bitch.

10. I'm even more jealous than usual of the Third Roecker Sister's life. Check out her gorgeous pictures and turn green with me.

It's Tuesday, you know the drill. Confess your deepest, darkest truth in the comments. We won't judge. Pinky swear.

Cover Lovin'

Oh so pretty.

But...wait for it...wait for it...

A lot can happen in eleven minutes. Decker can run two miles easily in eleven minutes. I once wrote an English essay in ten. No lie. And God knows Carson Levine can talk a girl out of her clothes in half that time.

Eleven minutes might as well be eternity under water. It only takes three minutes without air for loss of consciousness. Permanent brain damage begins at four minutes. And then when the oxygen runs out, full cardiac arrest occurs. Death is possible at five minutes. Probable at seven. Definitey at ten.

Decker pulled me out at eleven.
 
We double dog dare you not to want to read this book.

Pass it on...

The Reading Room/WriteOnCon inbox is blowing up, but the more entries the merrier. $1000, Catherine Drayton's consideration and your very own author profile page is at stake, people!

So...if you or someone you know is getting ready to query, is in the midst of querying or is sitting on a YA/Middle Grade manuscript, spread the word (entry info on right sidebar).

We want to read YOUR 500 words!

Also...this:



Tyra Banks dressed as a character from her debut fantasy novel Modelland while promoting the book in NYC Wednesday.

Happy Friday!

Bookanistas: A SCARY SCENE IN A SCARY MOVIE

As soon as I heard about this book, I wanted to read it. It just sounded so different than what was out there and I desperately needed a change from the ho-hum. And that's exactly what I got.

What the back cover has to say:

Rene, an obsessive-compulsive fourteen year old, smells his hands and wears a Batman cape when he’s nervous. If he picks up a face-down coin, moves a muscle when the time adds up to thirteen (7:42 is bad luck because 7 + 4 + 2 = 13), or washes his body parts in the wrong order, Rene or someone close to him will break a bone, contract a deadly virus, and/or die a slow and painful death like someone in a scary scene in scary movie. Rene’s new and only friend tutors him in the art of playing it cool, but that’s not as easy as Gio makes it sound.

What Lila has to say:


We are always absolutely fascinated and inspired and motivated when writers nail character. This is the area where we want to improve the most as writers, the aspect of our books that usually require the most revision. And let me just say, Matt nailed character. And not just with Rene, his main player, with Gio as well.

Rene was absolutely pitch-perfect--heart-breakingly so. He's a character, because of the nature of his obsessive compulsive disorder, who spends a whole lot of time in his head, which as a writer, is a difficult place to be! Matt had to dig deep, nestle down in there and come face-to-face with who Rene needed to be. His disorder was on full disply and was extremely eye-opening. It made me think about all the different types of people in this world, all the unique qualities that make humans more human.

And I absolutely loved Gio. He had the biggest heart and wanted nothing more than to help his friend overcome some of the hurdles associated with his illness. Gio talked cool, dressed cool, acted cool--was basically the definition of cool and he balanced out the book in a very interesting way. I loved how the two characters were so extremely different, but also had some very integral things in common at the same time. Their friendship added a really amazing layer to an already fascinating book.

All in all, the book is a character study as well as a wild ride. I laughed out loud multiple times at the smartly written dialogue and was reminded of my years teaching. Really enjoyed this one! It was incredibly different than what's out there and truly a breath of fresh air.

Check out what the other Bookanistas are up to this week:

Elana Johnson raves about Blood Red Road

Christine Fonseca  is wowed by The Near Witch

Beth Revis loves The Last Little Blue Envelope

Carolina Valdez Miller gushes over The Girl of Fire and Thorns – with arc giveaway

Bethany Wiggins cheers for Chime

Rosemary Clement Moore is enraptured by Entwine

Stasia Ward Kehoe applauds The Predicteds

Veronica Rossi  prances for Wildfire

D-Bag-O-Meter: Tori and Douche McDermott

Dear Dean,

Oh. Oh no. Oh no you didn't. First the see-through, black mesh, swing cardi. And then the summer weight man scarf, AKA marf. It's no coincidence marf sounds like barf.

Shame on you. You're a role model! I mean, look at your poor Liam. He doesn't stand a chance against the D-Bag-O-Meter of tomorrow. He might as well be wearing a bow tie. And, for the record, Gap Kids has way cuter clothes than what I'm assuming are designer pieces. While we debate spending $20 on a t-shirt, we're assuming Tori and Dean don't have that same dilemma.

BTW, Tori, we know you're knocked up. You can go ahead and lose the standard celeb belly-cup. We get it, you're gestating not on a carb binge.

Honestly, we're a little suspicious that you two are procreating for promotional purposes and that just reeks of eau de douche. I mean, these are children NOT accessories.

So, until you ditch the marf and the red carpet and take your over-styled children to a freaking playground, we're putting you at a Stage-12 Douche.

The D-Bag-O-Meter has spoken.

Yours judgementally,
LiLa

Tell The Truth Tuesday...

1. What I'm supposed to be doing: Writing and/or cleaning.

What I'm actually doing: Drinking tea and eating chocolate covered animal crackers that I dug out of the kids' Easter baskets while watching the insanity that is Million Dollar Decorators.

2. I'm shocked more people haven't entered The Reading Room / WriteOnCon Contest of Awesome.* We want to read your first 500 words! Come join the fun!

3. I've been keeping Ben at home with me during the day. I know I need to let him get adjusted at daycare, but I miss him! And he's not mobile yet, so he just sits there and gives me drooly smiles while I'm on conference calls. It's lovely.

4. I'm considering putting out some Go The F*ck to Sleep fan fiction. I was literally composing a special airplane edition of the book when I held Ben on the 5 hour flight this weekend.

5. In related news, we can't stop watching this.



*A couple contest notes.

• The Reading Room Rule #7 does not mean that your first 500 words are being kidnapped by The Reading Room. It just means they can post your entry publicly if it happens to be selected as a top 5.
• Sorry for entry confusion. The contest is judging your first 500 words, not your pitch. 

Do You Want to Win $1,000!?!?

And no, our blogger account has NOT been hacked.

Watch THIS:

Okay, do we have your attention? Good.

WriteOnCon has teamed up with TheReadingRoom.com to bring you a VERY special contest to kick off the August, 2011 WriteOnCon Conference.

What? A first 500 MG/YA words contest. Grand Prize is $1000 AND an author profile page on TheReadingRoom.com. In addition, your work will be considered for possible representation by literary agent, Catherine Drayton.

When? Starting TODAY.

Why? Because we love you.

So here's how it works.

1. Click HERE to register with The ReadingRoom.com if you are not already a member (YOU MUST BE A MEMBER TO WIN).

2. Then click HERE to submit the first 500 words of your COMPLETED MG/YA manuscript (ad appears on the right sidebar).

3. Submissions will remain open until Wednesday, August 17th (the second day of the WriteOnCon conference).

4. The TOP 5 submissions will be announced on Thursday, August 18th (the last day of WriteOnCon) and posted on TheReadingRoom.com where EVERYONE can vote.

5. On Thursday, September 8th, The Reading Room and WriteOnCon will host a special LIVE event to announce the GRAND PRIZE WINNER who will receive $1000 cold, hard cash, in the form of a gigantic check in the form of a regular-sized check AND their own author profile page on TheReadingRoom.com. Finally, literary agent, Catherine Drayton, will consider their work for possible representation.

Totally amazeballs (we're channelling Jamie Harrington), right?

So, really, the only question left is, what would you do with $1000? 


P.S.
If you want to help us spread the word by tweeting #IfIHad1000 with a link to this post telling us what you'd do with the money if you win, we would be deeply grateful.

Click HERE to read TheReadingRoom.Com Official Competition Rules.
YOU MUST BE A MEMBER OF TheReadingRoom.com TO WIN. Click HERE to register.

TGIF

It's been a quiet week in these parts with Lisa on vaca and me trying to hold down the fort. Here are all the things I've failed to do...

• Read THE LIES THAT BIND from start to finish (er...middle) and incorporate first round of beta edits. Oops.
• Log into Twitter. The sound on my youtube was broken so I had to delete all temporary Internet files/passwords/etc. When I went to Twitter, it asked me for username and password. I tried a few and then gave up. Blerg.
• Think. I was supposed to think through some sticky plot points. It just didn't happen. Wah.
• Finish IMAGINARY GIRLS (which is completely creeptastic, BTW) to pass along to Lisa. How do people find time to read books? Ugh.
• Sleep. Despite my extremely non-productive week, I still managed to sneak into bed past 12:30 every night. There is seriously something wrong with me. Ugh again (because I can't think of anything else).
• But perhaps the biggest FAIL of all is my new upgrade of Yahoo Mail. I was bamboozled into clicking the upgrade link and now they literally will NOT let you switch back (I asked). I hate my new mail. %#!*(&!

A few small victories that should be noted...

• I blogged. I wouldn't say exceptionally well, but I blogged.
• I cleaned my floors. Felt like a new woman afterward, too.
• Made some WriteOnCon planning headway. Let's just say the other planners ROCK. Hard. And let's just say that we're excited. We've got some tricks up our sleeve this year.*
• Sent some stuff at the post office. This should take up at least three bullet points because of how much I hate going.

So...happy Friday, everyone. I, for one, am thrilled that my other half will be returning Monday. This lone writer business is hard work. And I didn't even have to write.

*Stay tuned for a BIG announcement Monday. It's going to be EPIC.