I know this guy who is dirt cheap. He even works holidays and entertains the kids while he's working. And he does EVERYTHING. Plumbing, drywall, locksmith repairs, mailbox installation, appliance issues, you name it, this guy will take a look at it, and, get this, he works for free!
What's that you say? You'd like his name and number? Sorry, no can do. This guy only answers to Dad and Grandpa, and unless you're blood related, chances are he's not going to be willing to help. Did I mention that he also provides his barber services free-of-charge? Fantastic!
Thanks for all of your help, Dad!