Monday, October 5, 2009

D-Bag-O-Meter: A.C. Slater

Dear A.C. Slater,

Yes, we know your real name is Mario Lopez, but you'll always be Slater to us. I wish I could say that we remember your Save By the Bell years fondly, but that would be a lie. You sported a horrible curly mullet and your romance with Jessie Spano gave us the chills. And not in a good way.

True D-Bags are hard to come by. Yeah, they need to look the part (easy-peasy, just look at Kourtney with a 'K' Kardashian's boyfriend), but they also need to act the part (in Scott's defense, he seems to be sticking around as daddy).

A.C. (aka Albert Clifford), you definitely look the part. Your perma-orange spray tan, your horrible hosting gig on Extra, your proclivity for removing your shirt and your freakishly good dance moves on Dancing with the Stars all combine to make you a Grade-A Douche.

And Al, (not to quote Paul Simon or anything, but can we call you Al?) you most definitely act the part--you cheated on your wife of like 45 seconds, Dorito's girl Ali Landry (who seems to be bouncing back quite nicely, for the record) and allegedly did the same thing to your Dancing with the Stars squeeze, Karina.

But the icing on the proverbial cake (pun intended) has to be the picture above. Did you really order a birthday cake that showcased your so-chiseled-they're-gross-abs? Put that away. Seriously.

Shirtless, smooth dancing cheaters who order cakes with pictures of themselves sans shirt? D-Bag-O-Meter-no-likey.

Better luck next time, Al.



Frankie Diane Mallis said...

Bahahahahahahah! The only AC Slater moment I ever approved of was when he lent Mrs. Belding his football jersey to wrap up her newborn baby in when she gave birth in like the locker room or something. Wasn't there an earthquake too? I think AC got to spend that entire episode in a towel. Yep. One good moment. Lifetime of D-bagdom. LOL

Jill Kemerer said...

I'm totally convinced you two should be writing for USWeekly. Take it as a compliment. It's my favorite mag!

lisa and laura said...

Jill - From your mouth to God's ear. I've wanted to write for US Weekly since college.

Frankie - I believe the baby was born in an elevator, right? Can you even imagine having your newborn swaddled in Slater's greasy football jersey? That would require years of therapy for any new mom.

Rebecca Knight said...


Okay, seriously. You guys should submit that picture to Then two of my favorite blogs could come together to create some kind of black hole of Pure Awesome :D.

Well, either that, or the Universe would end.

Hardygirl said...

AC was such a narcissistic goober. And, how about Jessie starring in the movie "Showgirls"?? I think it's much better to fade into obscurity the way sweet Zac has, yes?

Natalie Whipple said...

Was that really for his OWN party? Here I was thinking it was sad enough that he was showing up for some bachelorette party.

Awesomely sad.

Sarah Wylie said...

Love. It. I so agree that you guys should write for US Weekly. I mean, who would not pay good money for such insight?!

I have two questions for you:

1. You TOTALLY watch Keeping up with the Kardashians and/or Kourtney and Khloe in Miami, don't you? Who's your favorite K? (In case you were wondering, I'm torn between Kim and Khloe...hard choice.)

2. Have you seen Holiday in Handcuffs with Melissa Joan Hart and the aforementioned A.C. Slater? Craptastic. Movie. I wish I was lying when I say it gave me my writing mojo back.
I also wish I was lying when I say that Mario Lopez was sort of cute in that.

Um...I have to work on keeping my comments shorter than the actual post. Starting tomorrow.

Mariah Irvin said...

This definitely made my day.


come on, let's give him the benefit of the doubt. surely he didn't order that cake for himself. surely he didn't.

and didn't he sing with jessie at a school dance once? that wasn't SO bad. right? maybe?

the mullet, i have no defense for. zack was a nerdy looking little kid, but why we all thought slater was so hot, i'll never know.

oh, wait. it was the dimples. and the muscles. yeah. i think that was it.

and then he went and hosted pet star (or pet superstar? i don't remember), and it was all downhill from there.

sunna said...

Oh my god, I'm having curly-mullet flashbacks now. Augh! Augh! It's worse than Rod Stewart hair!

You two need your own editorial column somewhere fun.

Danyelle L. said...

*snicker* That mullet. Yeah. Less said the better. You gals crack me up. :D

Carrie Harris said...

Oh god. The romance with Jessie Spano creeped me out too. I'm so glad I'm not the only one.

Donna Gambale said...

I'll add my own BAHAHAHHAHAHA to the chorus of awesome. Seriously ladies, you need to bring this feature back more often!
BTW - I love that George Clooney is the anti-D-Bag on your scale. I heart him.

Sherrie Petersen said...

Jill's right--you should totally be at an entertainment mag! When you get the job, let me know. I'll get my subscription back, because yes! I would pay money to read this :)

Christina Lee said...

Right on--I always thought he was a little bit creepy!!

confused homemaker said...

The Menudo Mullet, what else is there to really say after that? Except the fact that he brings D-bag to a whole new level.

And please submit it to cakewrecks, oh please do!!

Kimberly Derting said...

Does this mean I have to return the cake I ordered for my birthday, the one with *me* in a bikini??? Umm, yeah, I have three kids, no one wants to see that...

Natalie said...

Oh, if you could hear my laughter... I must admit I did love A.C. back in the day, but I think you are right. I agree with the USWeekly comment too. You are funny!

Don't call this a comeback

So it’s been a minute. Or 10. Or truthfully more like 2,102,400. At least we think that’s how many minutes there are in 3 years, but let...