Monday, April 19, 2010

D-Bag-O-Meter: Matthew McConaughey


Oh, Matthew, where do we even begin? We have so many questions for you after watching your borderline unintelligible interview with Rachel Ray. The first of which is why the hell didn't one of the producers add subtitles? Although to be fair, I might mumble if I had to talk to Rachel Ray too. I mean, she's just so freaking perky.



Anyways, questions, we have lots. So it's probably best that we just get them all out on the table, yes?

1. Do you want to punch Rachel in the face when she says EVOO? (Sorry, I know it's off topic, but it's pertinent. I think the D-Bag-O-Meter might even show some leniency if the answer here was a yes...)

2. Um, sunglasses in an interview? Really?

3. A bedazzled beret??? COME ON! Might as well just rope a matching marf (man scarf) around your neck and call it a day.

4. The shout out to your wife who just popped out one of your babies by confusedly looking from camera to camera and then putting your arms up in the air and shouting "Camilla you're the champion!" Um...dude, no. Just no. If I was at home lactating while my husband gave me a seemingly-drug-addled shout out on national television there would be some serious hell to pay.

5. No changing diapers? I mean, at least pretend you change diapers. Throw us a bone here, Matthew. We want to like you. Really we do. But you spend an inordinate amount of time with your shirt off and you just don't strike us as an exceptionally responsible parent.

So...what's the verdict D-Bag-O-Meter? All right, all right, all right, Matthew. You know what I hate about these immature movie stars, man? They get older, they have kids, but mentally they stay the same age. Matthew, put your shirt on, ditch the sunglasses and change a freaking diaper if you want out of the Spencer zone.

Kisses and bong rips,
L&L

57 comments:

Cheree said...

LoL... and to think I used to think Matthew was sexy... it has to be the accent, I just love a man with an accent.

Loretta Nyhan said...

Duuuuude...

Matty hasn't been sexy since A Time to Kill. Rmember when they were calling him the New Newman? That didn't work out quite so well.

But I'd choose spend an entire day with him over two minutes with Rachel Ray. Just reading EVOO makes me want to spew corn flakes.

Amy said...

"Kisses & bong rips"

Oh my god, that made me laugh so hard.

Pity he's so pretty, that Matthew. But yeah, sparkly berets are not acceptable.

Lola Sharp said...

He's a definite D-bag.

Sheri Larsenッ said...

#3 was EXACTLY what I was thinking. Thank you.

Christine Danek said...

This is great. I agree with your EVOO comment. It gets annoying. I totally agree with all your comments seriously Matthew--grow up.

Karen Amanda Hooper said...

And let's not forget he doesn't wear deodorant. Ick.

Candyland said...

Hahahahaha. You summed up everything I ever thought about him (and Rachel. Seriously. Go away EVOO)...
Though I doubt anyone's d-baggier than Spencer.

Emily J. Griffin said...

First, I'm very glad I didn't see this interview live. That's time I'd never get back.

Second, I am working on a scene today in WIP that has to do with pot, so your sign off warms my heart (in a completely sober, I-did not-inhale kind of way).

Jill said...

Love this posting! I hope I never again hear EVOO - argh!! And Matthew: you can only get by on good looks for so long...

Lisa said...

OMG, I'm laughing so hard! I haven't watched RR in a very long time. I like her, but just don't have the time.

As far as Mateo goes, I've been a bit turned off by him ever since I read about him playing bongo drums while naked and drugged up. I also heard he doesn't wear deoderant, and can I just say, EWWW?! Bleh! I don't care how smexy you are, if you stink, stay the hell away! He's a DB for sure!

Lisa and Laura said...

AND we learned while "researching" last night, that he played Roots music while his wife was in labor with her first--to the beat of her contractions. I'm surprised he made it out alive.

To add insult to injury he doesn't eat carbs.

Granted he doesn't have a "flesh colored beard" (thank you Joel McHale), but COME ON!

Mandy said...

OMG! This post was freakin' hillarious!!!! I saw a clip from his interview on the Soup (AKA Best Show Evah) and I was like... WTF??

And yes, Rachael Ray is just too damn perky. Too. Perky.

Amie McCracken said...

Can I just say...what's in the glass in front of him? I mean wow dude. You might be famous and sexy but lay low on the boos when you go on tv.

Lydia Kang said...

I have no idea this meter existed, but now I realize I had it in me the whole time. I think he's just smoking too much weed. I'd put him at the half-way point.

Christina Lee said...

HA the bedazzled beret is the BEST! I'm not sure I think he's a d-bag (Ok maybe just in this interview), instead I'd like to pop a Benadryl in Rachel's coffee and see what happens!

Summer said...

I'm sorry, I can't concentrate on MM while RR is in the picture. OhmigodI can't stand that woman!

Just her face gives me the heebie-jeebies, and don't get me started on the way she pronounces things during her cooking show.

But MM was looking a wee bit wasted. Hence the sunglasses, maybe.

Piedmont Writer said...

I am SO glad I am not the only one who thinks he is a D-bag. He kind of reminds me of stupid. (I was going to insult someone in particular but you know, even she isn't that dumb.) Great post!

~Nicole Ducleroir~ said...

I think they were both drunk! I'd have dialed both Matthew and Rachel farther down the Spencer side!

Funny post!!

Nisa said...

Ohhh! He doesn't change diapers? That's grounds for divorce, isn't it? Haha! I'm so with you on this one. Hmm, can't think of a time I haven't agreed with you and your meter though.

Patti said...

It just goes to show that it's better to keep your mouth shut and let people think your a fool rather than open it and remove all doubt.

And the EVOO is horribly annoying.

Simon C. Larter said...

Kisses and bong rips? That's it. I'm officially smitten. Add vodka and mozzerella sticks, and it's a <3-fest.

Stina Lindenblatt said...

Excuse me! He doesn't change diapers? What kind of dad is he? He so loses my vote for coolness.

Shannon O'Donnell said...

Yep! My Matthew crush (which was once embarrassing) is SO over! :-)

Sara B. Larson said...

Yeah, I got a little sick of Matty-o when he played the same character for the, what, twentieth time in, um... I don't even remember the name of the movie anymore.

I didn't see this interview, but wow. What a lamesauce loser. Definitely a Dbag. You girls make me laugh!! I love reading your blog.

Lindsay (a.k.a Isabella) said...

Heehee, funny post. Love the D-bag-O-Meter.

I've never really been a fan of his and with the bedazzled beret and sunglasses combo I don't think I will. Plus he doesn't eat carbs or change diapers!
Hmmmm.

T. Anne said...

Yuck. I feel sorry for the poor girl and her children. I'm sure there was someone better out there for her.

Kim said...

I wish I'd seen this whole interview. It really looks like they're sitting around drinking cocktails in cheesy plastic cups. WTF??! And who's the other stoner with them?

I get MM and Woody Harrelson mixed up these days. They seem like clones.

Medical Librarian said...

He's so annoying that I can't even say I want to like him.

Lisa_Gibson said...

So funny! And so right, he's a major DB. Nice to look (even that's starting to fade) and then he opens his mouth and it's a train wreck.

JEM said...

I think Elton John said it best: And I'm gonna be hiiiiiiiigh as a kite by then.

Although he's escaped permanent douchebagonometry for me with his cameo in Tropic Thunder. Epic.

Carolyn V. said...

Yay, he's gotta ditch the beret. (other things here I erased...poor, poor Matt) *head shaking, eyes rolling* =)

Laura Marcella said...

Now my image of him is ruined! I'm not sure I can forgive you for that.

Just kidding. I can't believe he doesn't change diapers. My 5-year-old nephew can change his baby sister's diapers. Only the wet ones, but still!

Elana Johnson said...

Oh, I'm so with you. From the freaking annoying EVOO to the bedazzled beret. I mean, what is that?

You nailed it when you said they grow up and have these fake-adult lives, but they're really still twenty-somethings! NAILED it.

:)

mountie9 said...

Oh man, after that interview I am going to hit the next person who suggests my 18 mth old looks like him -- I used to be so proud of that fact.

Thanks for the giggles this morning, you guys have a great blog!

Kirsten Lesko said...

LOL! Bedazzled beret, sunglasses, that annoying EVOO!

I love how you have Spencer Pratt as the pinnacle of d-baggery on your d-bag gauge. So funny.

Anne said...

Hilarious! I'm sharing this one asap.

Marsha Sigman said...

Incessantly perky people annoy the crap out of me.

Someone needs to tell Matthew that smoking pot only makes you THINK you're cool. He is obviously confused. It might be the interference from his gay beret.

SB said...

HA HA HA.

Um ya. As a mother I now appreciate how much mr. mchaunehay (who cares how to spell it anymore???) looks like an ass.

No diaper changes.

Not at home.

barely say anything audible about your child(ren).

um.

grow up.

Or move along:-) You're no longer the hot man from A Time To Kill...better get some personality now mr....mc.(?)

Natasha A. said...

Definitely DBag!
He just seems so incredibly irresponsible!
*sigh*
And I don't get the attraction....

Myrna Foster said...

Thanks for the laugh! Yeah.

Talli Roland said...

Oh Matthew. Whatever has happened? And a BERET? Even if you are on drugs that's just unforgivable.

Bethany Elizabeth said...

Is it just me, or does he just look... greasy? Like, in a bad way. I never really was a big fan of his, so this doesn't exactly affect my opinion, though I do feel bad for his wife. seriously.
=)

Ann Marie Wraight said...

OK - all this stuff may be ABSOLUTELY TRUE....but you have to admit he's got a GREAT name - right?

Well, I'm biased as my youngest son is called Matthew!

Alexa said...

Where, oh where, are his bongos?

B. Miller said...

Hahahahaha too funny! I appreciate the rating of Matthew on the D-Bag-O-Meter; I've thought of him as a D-bag for a while now.

Love this blog! New follower (#620!) Found you via Lola Sharp's blog. Looking forward to reading future entries.

Carrie at In the Hammock Blog said...

lol!! so funny and so true!! the screenshot alone is d-bag-ish!!

Jen said...

I've never seen the D-Bag-O-Meter but having just seen Spencer Pratt the biggest of them all I am already loving this game!!

You crack me up the Rachel Ray EVOO statement... beacuse... YES I HATE THAT!!! PUNCH IN THE FACE FOR SURE! lol...

As for all the things wrong with Matthew you couldn't be more correct, the whole "Camilla you're the champion" just freaked me out, I mean what the hell is wrong with you!!

Jemi Fraser said...

The evoo drives me batty too! Way too perky. Glad I didn't see that interview!

jessjordan said...

Oh, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew ... The smoking and playing bongos nude? Hilarious. The half-naked exercising on the beach? Weird, but I'd probably have a hard time wearing a shirt, too. The not wearing deodorant? Eww, but, well, you're still pretty.

But enough has become enough. You're getting flat out creepy.

I used to love you. I did. And I still WANT to, desperately. So quit the teenage behavior and come back to earth already.

ChristaCarol said...

Hahahaha....I was never a big Matthew fan. Now maybe I can see why.

Little Ms J said...

I'm sad. I want to believe there's more there, but he can't even let go of Dazed and Confused. I don't know if it is as much douche as it is out of touch.

Solvang Sherrie said...

I used to think he was so hot. It just makes me sad when I see so much potential gone to waste. What is wrong with these people?

pamela said...

So funny...LOVE the blog!! Just became a follower.

Matthew Rush said...

Matthew McConaughey is a complete douche-nozzle.

He made a few good movies but didn't he name one of his kids after his favorite beer? Or was that his brother? Either way I mean come on.

Shit, I love beer, but not that damn much.

Great fun stuff as always Lisa and Laura, sorry I missed this one on the day you posted it.

Donna Gambale said...

Glad I backtracked and read all the posts I missed this week - I love the DBagOMeter! That was a pretty generous assessment of Matthew, I must say. I used to think he was cute, but now....... his personality just ruined him for me.

ASBLACKASOBAMA said...

lol.... I think he might have been under the influence a little bit.... Mr. McConaughey has been known to dabble in the marijuana from time to time.... lol

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