Ok, so it's no secret that we kind of idolize the Hilton sisters. I mean we're clearly trying to position ourselves at the Hiltons of the Midwest in our blog profile:
The Hilton Sisters - spray tans + brains - 4 inches + 20 (ok, fine...
30... 50...75 - Hey, Lisa's 9 months prego and the Hiltons haven't consumed solid food since the late 90's, so cut us some slack!) pounds ÷ Cleveland, OH = Lisa and Laura Roecker
Laura has always felt a special connection to Paris. She was born four days before her, she wrote a book
and they both enjoy posting random pictures of ourselves on Twitter.
Naturally, when we learned that she was busted for cocaine possession in Las Vegas, we assumed the charges were wrong. Thankfully she cleared everything up when she explained that she had mistaken the cocaine for gum. I mean, it's pretty much common knowledge that ALL the celebutantes prefer their gum in the form of white powder. Just ask LiLo!
But flitting off to Hawaii afterwards? Really? WTF?
As for Nikki, we've always thought of her as the more laid back, chill Hilton sister and now she's gone and shot that image to shit with her new BlueFly commercials. I mean, "everything in moderation?" How can she even utter those words with a straight face while surrounded by hundreds of pairs of shoes that average $1,000 a pop. WTF, Nikki? Are you snorting your gum again?
We're feeling a little disillusioned by the Hiltons' fall from grace. Hey, quit laughing. These were our ROLE MODELS, people!
Dearest Paris and Nikki,
Your Louboutins will be hard to fill, but it's time to part ways with your overly faux tanned, coke whorish ways. We'll miss your empty, soulless eyes the most.
Now that we're completely bereft of role models, we'd deeply appreciate your best suggestions for a new About LiLa section in the comments. And don't forget to share any WTF-ery rants.