Friday, November 12, 2010

LiLa's Space-Time-Publishing Theorem

Over the past two years we've been gathering scientific evidence to create a mathematical equation that may or may not result in us winning the Nobel Peace Prize. Yeah, it's THAT good.

If you're not a mathematical genius you should probably just stop reading now because you're about to read one of the most complex space-time theorems (yeah, technically I think it's an equation, but theorem sounds so much more impressive, no?) ever created. For those of you who aced pre-Algebra, hold onto your hats because this is going to blow you away.

PT = RT(1,000,000)

So here's a quick illustration for you:

You submit a manuscript to your agent or editor and they tell you that you should hear back from them within one week. If you're anything like us by the time you hit day five, you're spending roughly 12 hours a day refreshing your e-mail*. So let's apply LiLa's Space-Time-Publishing Theorem, shall we?

PT = 7(1,000,000)

So...publishing time equals 7,000,000 days. Shazam! Get that finger off the refresh button because the human race will probably be extinct before you hear back.

You're welcome.

*It should be noted that I refreshed our e-mail approximately 30 times as I typed this blog post. I'm like Russell Crow in A Beautiful Mind, cursed to have conversations with imaginary friends and dream up conspiracy theories about people deleting my e-mails before I can read them. Being a genius is totally exhausting.

16 comments:

Anne Gallagher said...

LOL... cursed to have conversations with imaginary friends and dream up theories about people deleting my e-mails...

I didn't think that was a genius, but a writer.

Not to burst your bubble about the Nobel Prize but I believe your theorem is incorrect -- I believe Publishing Time is equal to 10billion days now. (It's changed since you got your agent.)

salarsenッ said...

@Anne - oh, the evolution.

Your voice is clear--step away from the laptop and let the hubs check your email on his Blackberry or Droid.

Matthew Rush said...

I think this is more closely related to string theory, we'll have to check with Stephen Hawking.

So in other words all you have to do is move in next door to a black hole, right on the edge of the event horizon, and you can get published in exaclty 12 seconds? Awesome.

I'm off to build a ship.

Samantha Vérant said...

I think I may be refreshing my email in my sleep. Oh wait. Did I just say sleep? Nope, haven't been doing that. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Kerri C at CK Farm said...

Hmmmm, you're onto something! This is rocket science material.

Falen (Sarah Ahiers) said...

*Head EXPLOSION!!!!*

Melissa Sarno said...

GENIUS! Excuse me, I have to go refresh my e-mail...

Sara B. Larson said...

Ha ha ha, I love how you can talk about exactly how I'm feeling, or what I'm going through, only in a way that is by far more entertaining than the way I try to. Could you come up with an equation for that? Lila=__X 1,000 more funny than me. Woohoo! ;)

Lydia Kang said...

Insane! But I love the theory behind it. That was so great!

Nicole Zoltack said...

I checked my email no less than 7 times in the course of reading and commenting on this blog post. :P

Shannon O'Donnell said...

Ouch! This blog is supposed to be filled with words - JUST words. And not ugly words like numerical and equation and theorem. *shivers* And you just totally crossed the line with a numbered equation! *gasp*

Now I have a headache. LOL.

Have a wonderful weekend, ladies! And I hope you receive "the email".

Elana Johnson said...

This is SO true! I always add weeks, months, years to dates I'm given. Then I'm pleasantly surprised when things actually MOVE.

Sarah said...

Hilarious, and so. true. If I were on the Nobel Peace Prize committee, you'd be getting my vote.

Joanne Fritz said...

Ha HA, so THAT'S why I never hear from editors. You've explained it all so clearly!

Thanks for the laugh.

Sharon K. Mayhew said...

So the publishing world is kind of like a dogs life...except the exact opposite?

Matthew Rush said...

What the heck? It's 7:26AM EST on Monday and there is no new post? Is it a holiday or something?

You're really screwing up my morning here!