The Hope Tank

So, Laura and I have come up with an entirely new dialect since we've been on submission. This is bound to happen when you spend approximately 3-4 hours a day (I really wish I was exaggerating here, but I am not) discussing whether or not your book will be published. The cornerstone of this new (and pathetic) language is the Hope Tank.

Here's the technical definition for Hope Tank:

Pronunciation: \ˈhōp\ˈtaŋk\

Function: noun

Etymology: LiLa's fictional language, origins in Love Tank, from The Five Love Languages, which Laura had to read for pre-marriage counseling . She loved it and tried to convince everyone to read the book. No one listened.

Date: Summer 2009

dialect : a figurative receptacle for the holding or storing of hopes and dreams, typically as they relate to getting a debut novel published in horrendous market conditions. ex. The Hope Tank is almost completely empty since we didn't go to auction after being on submission for 24 hours.

Hope Tank levels are typically very cyclical. Every Sunday evening Laura and I have a marathon discussion about what we may or may not hear in the upcoming week. We discuss everything from the chances that Major Agent has already sold the book and forgot to tell us, to the possibility of receiving an awkward e-mail from Major Agent saying simply, "it's over."

Typically, these Sunday night conversations result in a full Hope Tank. This may sound like a good thing, but really, it isn't. When the Hope Tank levels are full, every time your phone rings, you jump a mile and you almost always ignore your children in favor of refreshing stat counter logs. So LiLa with a full hope tank is bad news for friends, children and all living relatives. We're just not much fun to be around.

Around Wednesday, the Hope Tank typically springs a leak. Things get really painful when our hope is slowly leached out of the tank like the sand in the hour glass on Days of Our Lives. When we start losing hope, we get bitchy. We screen all of our calls and rarely say more than two words to our husbands. Not pretty. Perhaps this is where The Five Love Languages book would come in handy.

By Friday, the Hope Tank is completely empty. Now you might think this is a bad thing, but it's really not so bad. Usually by Friday or Saturday we've convinced ourselves that this book will never, ever sell under any circumstances, so we'd better get our asses in gear and start writing a better book. An empty Hope Tank = productivity. Of course the husbands and kids still miss out because usually we're chained to our computers writing during this stage in the process. Their poor Love Tanks are hovering around empty. But, not to worry, we'll fill them back up. Eventually.

This week, I'm determined to keep my Hope Tank on "E". That's right. I've forbidden Laura from giving me any pep talks or discussing any encouraging horoscopes or psychic dreams. I'm convinced that an empty Hope Tank = a happier Lisa. But Laura is sneaky. Just look at our Skype convo from Sunday:

[8/30/09 2:34:47 PM] Laura: i think it's going to be a good week

[8/30/09 2:34:50 PM] Lisa: you do?

[8/30/09 2:34:51 PM] Lisa: oh god, don't do this

[8/30/09 2:34:54 PM] Laura: the book is SO good

[8/30/09 2:34:55 PM] Lisa: you promised not to do this

[8/30/09 2:34:57 PM] Lisa: you bitch

[8/30/09 2:34:57 PM] Laura: someone's going to fall in love, how could they not?

[8/30/09 2:35:02 PM] Laura: haha

[8/30/09 2:35:02 PM] Lisa: don't fill up my %$&*(&^ hope tank

[8/30/09 2:35:12 PM] Laura: oh mine is full baby, over flowing--i can't help it

[8/30/09 2:35:15 PM] Laura: i'm spreading the hope

[8/30/09 2:35:16 PM] Lisa: i hate you

Do you see how she lures me in? Do you hear her maniacal laughter? Yeah, yeah, my hope tank is full.

Damn it.

Friday Fail

OK, it's Friday and it's pouring down rain. Again. I think we'll be hitting the gym and the bookstore today so we all don't kill each other. Anyways, it's been an interesting week over here in LiLa land and we've learned a lot.

1. Today is Tiara Day. Laura is all over this as I'm sure you can imagine. I wonder if you get extra points for actually writing your entry while wearing a tiara?

2. We're dreading the weekend. Yeah, it sounds crazy but when you're an aspiring author on submission the weekend means no news. And no news makes us crabby. Really crabby.

3. I think my 4-year-old might be a ninja. I was dead asleep this morning when subconsciously I must have heard the sound of a door opening or maybe I felt Jack's warm breath on my face. I opened my eyes only to find his face about a half-an-inch from my own. I literally jumped out of bed. Jack thought it was hilarious and can't stop talking about it. Keep in mind that he's used to dragging me out of bed every morning. Something tells me I can look forward to many more mornings of the Jedi-mind wake-up.

4. Becca Fitzpatrick needs to buy these shoes. Seriously. Hush, Hush debuts in a few weeks (have you pre-ordered your copy?? If not, you must. Trust me. It's that good) and they match the cover perfectly. Plus she's hard at work revising the sequel, Crescendo. Come on Becca, you know you want them and we want to live vicariously through you!

5. We really need to remember to lock our doors at night. This week someone found our blog by googling "I think I might be turning into a cold blooded killer." Um...scary...

Have a fabulous weekend everyone!

The Longest Day Ever

It's Thursday. It's raining. I have a 2-year-old and a 4-year-old who have already watched the same episode of The Backyardigans (Viking Voyage for those of you who might be interested) 3 times and spent 10 minutes in time out. I've broken up 3 fights, waxed philosophical on the reasons why we generally shouldn't spit milk and threatened to send them back to bed if they don't stop crying. And you know what? I sort of feel like crying too. Sadly, no one is sending me back to bed.

This is not going to be a good day.

So we all have bad days. One of my biggest struggles is keeping my writing life separate from my family life. When I'm having a bad day writing I tend to be short with the kids and when I'm having a rough day with the kids it's almost impossible for me to get any work done.

So how do you guys do it? How do you stay balanced on days that are anything but?

Batshit Crazy = Raging Success?

Ok, so if you read this blog on a regular basis you know that we have an obsession for all things Bravo, and today it occurred to me that there might actually be a reason for this, a reason aside from my unfulfilled desire for a gay boyfriend.

Here's the thing with Bravo, whether you're tuned into The Rachel Zoe Project, Flipping Out, Top Chef or even Miami Social, you're watching people at the top of their game professionally. These are people who work insanely hard, oftentimes at the expense of their social life and families (Yes, Katrina, I'm looking at you). So here's my theory, maybe in order to be that good at something, that driven, you have to be just a little crazy.

A few weeks ago Laura and I received some really fantastic feedback on The Haunting of Pemberly Brown. Feedback that required a major rewrite, we're talking additions of major characters, completely retooling the central mystery of the book. Major.

Now initially we resisted the idea. The thought of doing another revision sort of made our stomachs hurt. But after 24 hours of really thinking about the things the editor brought to our attention, we knew it had to be done and we knew the end result would be a stronger, more marketable book.

So we did it. We worked day and night. We lived and breathed Kate Lowry and her cohorts for 2 weeks. We sent chunks of the manuscript to our amazing beta readers and got instantaneous feedback. And when we sent the final version to Major Agent, our suspicions were confirmed. We nailed it. She loved the new version.

Is it crazy to completely rewrite your 85,000 word novel in two weeks? Yes. Were our husbands ready to divorce us? Absolutely. Did our children watch enough Noggin to turn their small brains to mush? Um....we plead the 5th.

Bravo reality stars, we salute you and your insane quest for perfection. What about you guys? Do you have a bit of the crazy in you?

Tell the Truth Tuesday...

Tell the Truth Tuesday (TTT) is brought to you courtesy of the Southern belles over at Plot This. Quick warning, reading their post could lead to a bizarre craving for artichokes. Just an FYI.

So it's Tuesday and here are five of our deepest, darkest truths (Upon review they're not really that deep or dark, but they are true):

1.  We sent Major Agent a bangin' (yes, I've been watching too much Rachel Zoe) revision of The Haunting of Pemberly Brown and now it's been sent off to editors and we feel like we might throw up. It's not that we're worried it's good. We know it's good (our complete and utter lack of modesty should be another confession...), but it's still a little terrifying.

2. We suck at beta reading. Just not our forte. We've heard that it's a skill you have to develop and we're definitely still learning. Feel free to leave tips for us in the comments.

3. We still haven't edited the first 50 pages of Unclaimed Baggage. I know, it's been on my to-do list for weeks. I will do it tonight. Please hold me to it. I'm so easily distracted and Flipping Out is on tonight and you all know how I feel about Flipping Out.

4. Laura doesn't know how to use Twitter (it scares her), and I've got a wine date with a friend, so I think we're going to miss #kidlitchat this week. So bummed. If you guys are on Twitter and write YA, MG or picture books you have to participate. Every Tuesday night at 9 EST a bunch of editors, agents and writers talking children's literature and publishing. Fascinating. You can follow the conversation using TweetChat.

5. We're still obsessing over the picture of Kate that Realm created for us. What does it say about me as a mother that I replaced the picture of my kids on my computer background with Kate? Wait, don't answer that.

OK, now it's your turn. Spill. We want to hear your truth this Tuesday.

LiLa's Book Club: Julie and Julia

We had our second book club meeting last night and we had a blast. We all read Julie and Julia: 365 Days, 524 Recipes, 1 Tiny Apartment Kitchen and then went to see the movie. So there were mixed reviews on the book. Laura absolutely loved it. I liked it but found Julie Powell to be a little whiney. Others in the book club couldn't even finish it. Proof that books really are subjective. But everyone loved the movie. If you haven't seen it yet, we highly recommend it. Especially if you're an aspiring writer. It's got a few elements of writer porn in there...book deals, literary agents and editors calling bloggers, authors holding their books in their hands for the first time, you know the stuff.

But here's the one thing that I was really struck by in the book and the movie: the whole concept of using writing to discover yourself. I could really relate to both Julie and Julia. They both had these moments where they found their current lives lacking. Not that they were unhappy or depressed, but they just had a desire for something different, something more. And so they set out on journeys that would change their lives.

Laura and I did the same thing just over a year ago. While we're not sure we'll ever achieve the levels of success that Julie and Julia achieved when they followed their dreams, we're sure as hell going to try.

Funky Friday...

Five things you need to know about me today:

1. It's 3:15 PM and I'm still in my pajamas and I haven't even brushed my teeth. (TMI? Yeah, probably but it gets my point across) Now you might think this means I've had an extremely unproductive day, but I beg to differ. I may not have left the house yet, but I've crossed 6 things off my To Do list. Not bad for a 30 hour vacay.  And as soon as I post this I'm off to the gym to work out AND read the book club book. I'm so efficient. And don't worry, I'll definitely brush my teeth first.

2. We joined a new writer's support group this week, but we're not allowed to talk about it. It's sort of like Fight Club for writers. I'm still waiting for Brad Pitt to show up. I think I've added most of the members into our blog roll, so be sure to check out some of the new blogs.

3. Had a classic conversation with our sister Stacey this morning:

Lisa: His e-mail just sounded really terse.

Stacey: Yeah, that's good though.

*awkward pause*

Stacey:  Wait, what does terse mean?

Awesome.

4. I watched the Project Runway All-Star Challenge, and I am bitter. So bitter that I haven't yet been able to watch the new episode. I wish I could blame Lifetime, but I really think this one is on the judges.

5. I heart my Kindle. I'm sure you remember how excited we were when we got them a few weeks ago, but the Kindle has been life changing. It's obviously great for reading books, but we like it even more for reading manuscripts from our critique buddies. It's so easy and portable with no eye strain. 

That's all I've got for today. Off to be productive with my last 2 hours of freedom. Have a fab weekend!

9 Tasks 30 hours

As of 12:30 PM today, I'm on a 30-hour vacation. That's right. My mother-in-law is picking up the kids and I have 30 hours to do whatever I want. I'm more excited than you can even imagine. 

Here's my tentative plan:

1. Buy fabulous baby gift for fabulous friend visiting this weekend.
   
2. Find cute outfits for kiddies to wear to wedding rehearsal in September.
   
3. Pedicure. Stat. It's necessary, trust me.
   
4. Finish fabulous memoir I'm reading and send feedback.
   
5. Finish book club book (Julie and Julia) for this Sunday.
   
6. Date with husband.
   
7. Workout.
   
8. Sleep.
   
9. Revise first 50 pages of Unclaimed Baggage and write the next chapter.
   

So, it's pretty ambitious, but that's just how I roll. I thought about adding in some laundry to make it a perfect 10, but I'd totally be setting myself up for failure.

What's on your to do list for the next couple of days?

Top 5 Reasons We Love Realm Lovejoy

5. Dude, her name is Realm Lovejoy. You know you want to see what she looks like...(adorable, for the record.)

4. She's represented by the fabulous Joanna Stampfel-Volpe. And it's like a universal law that we pretty much fall in love (or at least develop a raging girl crush) on anyone Joanna represents.

3. Her graphic novel Clan sounds amazing and gives us the sneaking suspicion that Realm has more talent in her pinky finger than the two of us have combined.

2. She's insanely nice, approachable and supportive of aspiring authors. She even has a special feature on her blog interviewing authors and creating a picture of their main characters. Very cool.

1. So you knew this was coming, Realm has posted an interview with us today and you guys have to go check it out so you can see the picture of Kate. It's AMAZING. Honestly, I feel like she somehow sucked our mental picture of Kate right out of our brains. It's that good.

Oh, and while you're over there, do yourself a favor and follow her. She also does a really great Book News post every week that you won't want to miss.

Teaser Tuesday: Unclaimed Baggage (working title)

I thought we'd be able to wait a while before diving back into our WIP, but we're antsy. Not even bad TV and fabulous books can keep our mind off the waiting game that is submissions. And I'm excited to get back into Sarah and Emily's world. After all this revising, I'm ready to go back to writing new material.

SO, we're back in action on Unclaimed Baggage. But *ahem* a certain well-respected writer friend of ours does not approve of the title, so be prepared for a title change. Eventually. Maybe. 

Anyways, as you'll see from this excerpt the book is written from two different POVs. Last time we heard from Sarah, but this time around it's Emily's turn. 

***

My freshman year of high school my Aunt Marsha called crying. When I handed the phone to my mom and saw the lines of worry contort her face, I knew I needed to stay. I tried to remain as still as possible as my mom lowered herself into a chair. She was silent, listening, her eyes heavy and sad-looking.

            “Oh, Marsha, when did you find out?”

            Find out what, I thought. My mom cupped her face with her hands and shook her head slowly back and forth.

            “Have you set up a doctor’s appointment?”

            I wondered if my Aunt Marsha was sick or maybe my Uncle Ben. Had something happened to Allison? I hovered close to the kitchen and shooed my younger sister Sarah away after I heard her barrel down the stairs.

            “Shh, I’ll come and talk to you in a second,” I whispered in her direction.

            After my mom hung up the phone, she sat at the table, twisting the corner of a napkin before indicating that I should sit as well.

            “That was your Aunt Marsha,” she began. “Allison is,” she paused and hundreds of terrible words ran through my mind in the seconds it took for her to finish, “Allison is pregnant.”

            “Oh, thank God,” I had said.

            “Emily,” my mother scolded, “how could you say something like that? This is serious! Your Aunt Marsha and Uncle Ben are devastated.”

            “Well, I thought someone died or something,” I mumbled, pushing my chair back. I couldn’t wait to tell Sarah. She was going to flip.

            Allison was our 16-year-old cousin who had recently told Sarah and I that she was planning on sleeping with her lame ass boyfriend. What she wasn’t planning on was getting pregnant.

But after Bentley was born (yes, Allison named her baby girl Bentley. If that’s not evidence that a 16-year-old isn’t old enough to have a baby, I don’t know what is), everyone cooed at her and wanted to hold her and bought her the most adorable dresses from Baby Gap. It was like that phone call nine months ago had never happened.

The next year when my mom called my Aunt Marsha crying, it wasn’t because she, too, was going to be a great-auntie. Unfortunately, I hadn’t gotten knocked up.

I'd gotten cancer. 

Randomness...

1. You know that feeling you get when you're done with a big project and you're not really sure what to do next? Like you have all this free time and aren't really sure how to fill it? I'm so there right now.

2. I know I'm a little obsessed with Bravo. It's no secret. But with the crazy ass Rachel Zoe ("I die!") and Jeff Lewis (he would weep man tears if he saw my sadly decorated home) coming back, I'm in trashy TV heaven. Do you think Andy Cohen would be my gay boyfriend? Yeah, I'm guessing he doesn't go for gals in torn yoga pants, but still. I think they need to create a show where average women like me can compete to be Andy's new girlfriend. They could have competitions like "Best live catty commentary on Bravo Programming" and "Who can write the funniest blog about NYC Prep" I'd kick some serious ass.

3. Mad Men is BACK. Oh, this show makes me want to be a better writer. Hell, it makes me want to be Matthew Weiner. And Joan. She's sheer perfection. Smart, catty, and bitchy with an hourglass figure and the most amazing wardrobe on the planet. Love. Her.

4. I think I've finally figured out the key to this whole Stay-at-Home-Mom thing. We go to the gym in the morning, followed by some exhausting activity (who wants to run laps around the house?) and then lunch, Noggin and nap. With a little luck the kids don't wake up until 4:30 or 5 and we're ready to play the wait-for-daddy game. Easy peasy.

5. 10 Things I Hate About You (yes, the television show...) is growing on me. I think there should be some kind of law that if you're going to attempt to write YA you have to sit through at least one hour of ABC Family a week. It qualifies as research in my book.