Now that I've officially joined the ranks of the SAHMs (stay-at-home-moms for those of you who don't frequent the mommy blogs), I'm slowly starting to discover their secrets.
1. Nap time is not just for the 5 and under set. Naps are fabulous for mommies too whether you're sleeping off a humiliating playdate or that bottle of pinot grigio from the night before. It's really a win/win.
2. Always say no to playdates at the Cleveland Zoo. The big attraction is Monkey Island which consists of a huge rock with 5 emaciated monkeys laying around. Trust me when I say you really don't want to be answering questions about whether the monkeys are sleeping or in monkey heaven. I'm still a little shocked that this wasn't featured in the Cleveland Tourism videos.
3. Join a gym with fabulous child care. There is no better incentive for working out than being able to take a shower and apply make-up in peace after you're all done with that spin class.
4. It's time to start a movement to make child leashes socially acceptable. This ever controversial accessory really would be fantastic if it wouldn't be completely humiliating to break it out. Maybe if they came up with some really chic version of the thing I could get the other moms on board and I could happily restrain my 4-year-old without all the dirty looks. And no, I don't currently use a leash like this, but it's so, so, so tempting.
5. Mommy guilt is so last season. I used to feel terrible when my children would run around stores like hooligans, scream at the top of their lungs when I'm trying to have a phone conversation and my personal favorite, beg strangers for food. Yes, my children have asked complete strangers for food. I swear I feed them regularly, but aside from attaching a feedbag to their faces I'm not sure how to rectify the situation.
In short, I am that mom. The one that single women with fabulous shoes and bags openly mock. The one who the mothers of adorable 6-month-olds swear they'll never become. The mom I promised myself I'd never be. And you know what, it's really not that bad...once you get past all the pitying looks from strangers.
Guess the best kept secret of all is to never say never.