Monday, January 3, 2011

Putting Your Toddler in a Tiara

So, let's just say you have a baby. You work hard making this baby. It gestates and grows inside you for months. You nourish it, you feed it, you take ginourmous prenatal vitamins to try to make sure it ends up with ten fingers and ten toes.

Your doctor tells you to take more vitamin D. You do it.

Your mom tells you not to lift anything heavy. You listen.

Your husband begs you to stop going to the gym. You bid adieu to the elliptical.

You do everything in your power to make your baby perfect. And then it's born.

All of the sudden your baby is out in the world and people are judging it. Your friends and family RAVE that your baby is beautiful. They claim it's the best baby they've EVER laid eyes on. You want to believe them.

You look at your baby and try to be objective, but it's really hard. After all it's your baby. You wonder if it's really ugly and maybe you don't realize it. You wonder if everyone hates your baby but they're just too scared to tell you.

Realistically you know that not everyone is going to like your baby. In fact, there are people out there who are going to say your baby is whiny or boring. But knowing that and experiencing that are two very different things because like it or not, this baby is a part of you.

All of the sudden you turn into one of those crazy mothers on Toddlers and Tiaras. You wonder if you should have put her in the pink dress instead of the purple. You briefly consider getting her those scary fake teeth things so her smile isn't quite so gummy. You obsess over the judges' every facial twitch as they look at your baby and you wonder if there was something you could have done differently. Something you could have done better. You cry. A lot.

And then you remember at the end of the day it's your baby. People will love her and people will hate her, but no matter what anyone says about her, you are proud of what you've created. Because she's all yours.

26 comments:

salarsenッ said...

*grins* Perfectly said! Just believe and be all you can be. Everything else will fall into place...even that baby's grow.

Jill Hathaway said...

Silly. Your baby is adorable. And snarky. And also a genius. :)

Michelle said...

ahhh, that's the way it goes!

Laura Pauling said...

I thought for sure you were going to link this with the fact that Liar Society is coming out in a few months - or maybe you guys have forgotten? :) A tiara would look cute on your book, no?

Stina Lindenblatt said...

I don't remember this problem. I mean sure I thought my first born looked like a monkey. But when babies are born 3 months premature, they do look like the scrawny little monkeys with lots of hair. He was just missing a tail. ;)

OMG! I can't believe your book is out this year!!!

Kim said...

I think there's picture book in there somewhere. The only problem is...I don't think the mothers on that show come to that conclusion at the end of the night. I think they need you to write this book...for their sake, and their poor babies.

Happy New Year, Lila! Looking forward to seeing your book in stores SOON!

Katie said...

Ahhh... So true! Preach!

Matthew Rush said...

Is this a metaphor for getting a book published? If so: awesome.

Bri Meets Books said...

I love Toddlers and Tiaras so much.

Well, I can say that I am finding your "baby" entertaining and fun so far!

Little Ms J said...

I would so be scared of you if you were a stage mom. I can see double checking my soda and such.

Your baby is beautiful and the world will soon tell you the same!

XOXO

Dara said...

LOL. Babies are a little funny looking that first week after their born. I bet I'll be feeling the same though here in a few months.

Except my baby may not have all its fingers and toes because I've been neglecting those prenatals. Those things induce an instant barf reflex in me :P

Sara B. Larson said...

Now what I'm trying to figure out is if this is actually about your children (who, from what I've seen, are super adorable and you have nothing to worry about--definitely not fake teeth!), or if this is doubling as a metaphor for writing. Hmmm...

Also, why did you husband beg you not to go to the gym? Mine keeps asking, "do you feel better enough yet to start going back yet?" (that's not as bad as it sounds, he just knows I love to work out and need it to stay sane and happy, so yeah. Anyway...) ;)

Shannon O'Donnell said...

Baby or book?? Either way, I say your baby is woo-hoo all the way! :-)

Katie Mills said...

let me reassure you. No one thinks your baby is ugly. I've seen ugly babies before and you can't help but find them beautiful even if they have alien eyes, big ears, crooken mishapen crown heads and flat noses. Hell, my daughter lucy looked like a damn glow worm. But still, babies are beautiful because they're babies and there's some kind of innate mechanism that makes humans find them cute so we don't eat them or something. I wish there was that same mechanism in agent's brains when I send them my 'other babies';)

Nicole Zoltack said...

Oh I can't wait to have a little girl so I can worry about dressing her in purple or pink!

Lisa and Laura said...

I think you should wait until Ben is old enough to decide for himself if he wants to be pageant king.

In terms of our shared baby, I'm proud of her no matter what. Unless she gets hard into drugs or knocked up or something.

ali said...

YES! Grow baby grow! You're going places, baby!

Colene Murphy said...

Awe! Wow!! I love it! Beautifully said.

Lisa Potts said...

OMG, the first time I saw one of those mothers put fake teeth in their child's mouth I was like WTH?
And don't get me started on those prenatal horse pills ; )

Jemi Fraser said...

So, so true!! ... for both book and baby! :)

Marsha Sigman said...

LOL. This is hilarious. I used to think all newborns were butt ugly. Face it, they've been squished inside a small space for a while and that never bodes well.

So when I was pregnant I was like, yeah I'm going to be real about how ugly my kid is at first. Then he was born and oh my god, he was beautiful with bright red-gold hair. Then I thought what if it's just me thinking that? My next thought was...no that's impossible.
All other babies are born ugly except for mine.

Julie Musil said...

I've experienced every single one of those fears with my *baby*. Whether it's ugly or not, I'm proud that I created it!

Shooting Stars Mag said...

Exactly! And speaking of Toddlers and Tiaras, that show can be a bit scary...with the parents and the bratty kids. Sheesh!! Not really good life lessons in that one.
And yet, I find it fascinating and cannot look away.

-lauren

Kristen Torres-Toro said...

Like!

Joanne Fritz said...

Well, I've never seen the show you're talking about, but I honestly thought this post was going to be about that creepy book called "My Princess Boy." Have you seen it? AAGGHH!

JESSJORDAN said...

Okay, so I'm the first to admit I never pictured Kate as a pink-haired punk girl ... except now that I remember her snark, that's exactly what she is. So way to go, you two. This cover is very snap. :)