Wednesday, December 30, 2009

10. 9. 8. 7. 6. 5. 4. 3. 2. 1. Let's Rhyme!

The following poem was written using most of my leftover celebrity pictures from the past year. Truly random at its finest.

2009 has been quite busy,
it’s hard to find the time,
but it’s almost the birth of a new year,
what better day to rhyme?

I’ve browsed through the Us Weekly website,
dug deep through “celebrity poem” files,
dusted off the unused, old and forgotten,
I sure hope they bring you some smiles…

Your hooker tights take my breath away,
sweet, sixteen-year-old Taylor.
They make me fear for Lydia’s future,
as I reach for my inhaler.

I'm shocked to see that Lo can read,
and that she’s surrounded by little ones.
I can’t think of a better role model,
kids can pick up morals from Hills re-runs.

This pic is quite alarming,
Octomom’s gone off the deep end.
Her face is green, the milk looks pink,
to her litter of kids, my deepest sympathies I extend.

If dogs could talk, I’m sure they would
when held captive by Speidi in the raw.
“His beard is scratchy,”Her pants are fugly,”
“Oh sweet Jesus, I don’t think she’s wearing a bra.”

Jon Gosselin’s officially too cool for school,
with his sk8er cap and “shaka” sign.
If only Kate could see him now.
I’m sure she'd be reaching for the wine.

Rhianna I’ve never really liked you.
You’re always so angsty and mad.
Your clawed apart cat suit is scary,
especially the prehistoric shoulder pads.

I’m embarrassed for Doug on many levels,
he looks rather suicidal and sad.
Paris appears right at home,
for they both are so scantily clad.

Kim, don’t you dare move an inch,
the last thing you need is a slip.
I can’t imagine you have much wiggle room,
for flashing your privates and a nip.

I hope you’ve enjoyed my leftovers,
I'm sure 2010 will bring more stars to jeer.
I’ll keep trolling Us for fun pictures,
in the meantime have a Happy New Year!

38 comments:

Christina Lee said...

Who knew you were a poet too--LOL!!! That was thoroughly enjoyable! I've never seen that pic of Octomom--scary!

Hardygirl said...

I sooooo love a morning skank fest! Thank you for starting my day off with a laugh.

Happy New Year girlies!!!

sf

Katie said...

Happy New Year and thanks for pics I have never, ever seen!!!

So fun.

Melissa said...

absolutely brilliant...I laughed so hard! great pics :)

Simon C. Larter said...

While often I find that your posts are quite charming,
I'm sad to say this one was rather alarming!
I'm drinking my coffee, I'm still not awake,
So assaulting my eyes with those pics? For Pete's sake!
My work day is buggered, my zen has been shot.
A productive employee right now I am not.
I'm traumatized, frightened, a little bit raw
From seeing those horrible things that I saw
On your blog, with those pictures of fashion disasters,
Which, can I just say, are much, much worse than last years.
So now I'll sign off, and I'll say it with sighs,
"Happy New Year to you! (Now I must wash my eyes.)"

Jemi Fraser said...

Yikes! What were they thinking??? Don't these people own mirrors?

Thanks for the early morning laugh!

Rachele Alpine said...

I love the lady in the background of Taylor's photo...I think she's just as shocked as you are at her tights!

Alissa said...

Ha ha, lots of fun!

Tricia J. O'Brien said...

Bwahahahaha! First you got me laughing, then Simon. Great morning to you, guys!

Kim said...

Octomom must be trying out for a role in a Dr. Seuss production.

Too funny!

Hey...my word identification is "bans fug". No lie!!!

~Jamie said...

LOVE this!

But... dude with that much silicone, Heidi doesn't need a bra, they just sort of snap into place on their own... :)

RKCharron said...

Hi Lisa & Laura :)
Thanks for the fun post.
I loved your rhyming.
Here's to a wonderful 2010!
Rob
xoxo

Valerie Geary said...

Thank you for that delightfulness! Oh Octomom.... :)

Gail said...

Hey girleens!
Good rhyming and love the pics, tho some ARE scary! Wishing you a happy 2K10 filled with many wonderful surprises and laughter!!!!
Gail

Tamika: said...

I missed all this news- thank goodness!

Have a great New year!

Kerri C at CK Farm said...

Ha that was a laugh! Now we need a funny Tiger Woods poem...oh the stuff you could say LOL!

Dara said...

All those pics...ick. Why do people like to follow the celebs again? :P I'm very glad I'm just an average joe that no one wants to follow. I like it better that way!

Your poem was fun too!

chelleyreads said...

LOL!! awesome post! too funny :D

Lisa Marie said...

Brilliant!

Shannon Messenger said...

Things I learned from your post today...

You need to write more poetry.

I am VERY out of touch. Sadly I only knew who half these people are. It's le sad--I used to be up on ALL the gossip, but it's like I've been stuck in a cave this year trying to get my book done. I don't even have time for TV right now. (No really, over the weekend my parents and sister took my niece to see Alvin and the Chipettes. My reaction: there's an Alvin and the Chipettes movie?)

It's amazing how many people can be famous for well...nothing...like at all. And I thought they were only supposed to get 15 minutes, so why are they still here?

Kristy said...

Holy cow, I'm afraid that if I move my head Kim's outfit is going to move and she'll be exposed!

Happy New Year!

Natalie said...

HA, HA, HA!

Tere Kirkland said...

Heh. Got to love the fug.

Happy New Year!

Rebecca Knight said...

This post was, as always hilarious,
Your commenters, cool and gregarious.
Your celebrity rhyme
was all well and fine
but the pictures, (oh, Lord!) have been scaring us.

(Simon is a bad influence ;)!)

Happy New Year, you two!

bryna said...

omg hilarious!

Jill Wheeler said...

Ha ha, "Your pants are fugly!"

Wow, you picked up about fifteen cajillion followers this year!

ElanaJ said...

ROTFL! Have a great new year, guys.

Conda V. Douglas said...

What a hoot!

Bethany Wiggins said...

Funniest thing I've read in days!

Frankie Diane Mallis said...

Lisa and Laura your really quite witty,
And did I tell you today you are pretty?
Your blog always gives me a smile
Especially all the celebrity bile.
I'm so happy that we became friends
Well sort of -you know- on the internet end
And I wish that your new year is sweeter
Than a hot guy in a wife beater.
So like, this is the end of my poem
And nothing rhymes better than moan.

;)

Brigitte said...

eghadds, my eyes! xD thank you, now I'll have my eyes peeled open all night, with those images in my head.
hahahaha

xox

Donna Gambale said...

Revisions mean no time for a witty rhyme (except I did right there... just a little... but not on purpose). BUT - way hilarious, and I think with the Kim stanza you saved the best for last!

Daisy Whitney said...

Oh my, a fellow US Weekly junkie!

Kimberly Franklin said...

That was literally the best poem I've every seen. Fabulous! Happy New Year!

Heidi Willis said...

too fun! At first I thought that Kardashian was cher! So glad she passed on her fashion sense to a younger generation!

Solvang Sherrie said...

LMAO :D

jessjordan said...

Oh, dear. I'm not sure who to worry about more: the Octomom litter or the Speidi one. My prayers are with both.

Suzette Saxton said...

Laughed until I cried!