Monday, December 14, 2009

Cocktail Conversation


It's that time of year. Holiday parties abound and if you're anything like me you're pouring yourself into a brand new pair of Spanx (For those of you who are still ignorant about the miracle that is Spanx you need to check them out. They will change your life. Seriously.), slipping into a hot dress and getting ready to make awkward conversation for hours at a time.

This past Saturday it was my husband's work party and I was doing my best to pretend to be a normal wife. You know the kind of woman who discusses preschools and playdates rather than blogs and bad reality television.

And then it happened.

Someone brought up The Jersey Shore. Just like that my cover was blown.

I spent the rest of my night discussing The Situation (yes, there is a character on the show named The Situation because of the situation with his abdominal muscles. You just can't make this shit up.) and his anger over Sammi Sweetheart's hook-up with Ronnie.

I think my husband's colleagues were most impressed when I was able to quote J-Woww from memory:

“I left the club early because I didn’t want to cheat on my boyfriend. And I felt like eating ham and drinking water. Ham.”

Who needs obscure Shakespeare quotes for cocktail party conversation when you have J. Woww's words seared into your brain? Not me.

Guess there's something to be said for letting it all hang out. And I mean that figuratively, not literally. I wear the Spanx for a reason.

33 comments:

Katie said...

I knew I'd get a good laugh if I popped over here on a Monday morn. Thanks doll! You didn't let me down! My fave quote of the day,

"Who needs obscure Shakespeare quotes for cocktail party conversation when you have J. Woww's words seared into your brain? Not me."

RKCharron said...

Hi:)
I'm still smiling.
Thank you for the fun post.
Happy Holidays,
RKCharron

Tabitha Bird said...

You are just the kind of gal I'd want to talk with at some boring, um, nice cocktail party. :)
Still laughing all the way down here!

MeganRebekah said...

My teenage sister introduced me to Jersey Shore last week. I've always loved the RealWorld RoadRules Challenges on MTV and she promised this was even better.
Oh my gosh was it ever!

Melissa said...

I've never heard of Jersey Shore, but this post was hilarious. Thanks for the laugh!

Little Ms J said...

Sadly, I love this show. I didn't even know there was a such thing as a Guidette. Both Mr. J and I were hooked from the moment someone defined the attributes of Guidos and Guidettes and I saw that little orange munchkin with the white plastic clip in her hair.

Good. Stuff.

Kerri C at CK Farm said...

I have to go check that show out and download some episodes now I finished watching Weeds.

Thanks for clearing what Spanx is and for giving me a giggle this Monday morning!

Loretta Nyhan said...

I think I found my new show!

Patti said...

I heard about Jersey Shore this morning on the radio and that they all gave themselves nick names. Sounds like a guilty pleasure show.

Tricia J. O'Brien said...

I have no doubt you left a lasting impression--onward to domination!

Christina Lee said...

Still smiling over here. I LOVE it!!!

Frankie Diane Mallis said...

LOL now I want some spanx!

Kim said...

Oh no! Now I have to watch another new show thanks to you ladies.

I'm cracking up b/c BSD and I HATE, HATE, HATE big parties for exactly this reason. Who wants to make awkward conversation with acquaintances? Our pathetic party skills are on my blog list to post about one of these days.

Thanks for the laugh! And, I don't believe you really own any Spanx, girl.

emery said...

You'd think this would be a cautionary tale.

Instead, I've been convinced that I should give Jersey Shore a try.

Carrie Harris said...

Now I feel uncool. I have no idea what you're talking about.

Le sigh.

Carolyn V. said...

Hee hee, I love the spanx too. Unfortunately, I don't watch the Jersey Shore, but it sounds interesting! =)

Solvang Sherrie said...

Believe me, if I saw you at a cocktail party, I'd be by your side the whole time. I'm pretty sure your conversations would be the most interesting ones there :)

Shannon O'Donnell said...

There's a reason I so totally love you gals! Ain't nuttin better on a Monday morn than a good dose of Lisa and Laura! ;-)

Rebecca Knight said...

Oh my gosh, those people make oompa loompas look pale O_o! I'm both afraid and awed at the same time.

Tess said...

I've not submitted to spanx ... but this might be the year. My metabolism sucks rocks all of a sudden. Too much celebratory and holiday crap, I guess :D

Nishant said...

Thank you for the fun post.
Happy Holidays,

Work from home India

confused homemaker said...

Best part of this is, I know people like this. So ashamed but oh it is so good.

Joanna said...

I LOVE Spanx, and my husband's holiday party is this Wednesday...I might steal this initiative and discuss GLEE/Family Guy/Project Runway with whoever will listen.

Southern Princess said...

Happy Holidays ladies and um Jersey Shore? Why am I not aware of this show?

Oh & by the way, thank you thank you for the wonderful words:

"Who needs obscure Shakespeare quotes for cocktail party conversation when you have J. Woww's words seared into your brain? Not me." I almost fell out of my chair laughing! I am never disappointed to see my blogroll update with your entries!!


http://princesscourtneysbarr.blogspot.com

Erica said...

So funny! I guess I need to get into some Spanx eh? LOL

Haven't seen that show myself. MTV is not in HD around here yet, and I'm an HD snob now... I did watch the Hills for a while.

Thanks for continuing to make me smile :o)

Jemi Fraser said...

Sounds like you had a great time at the party - not always possible! :)

Jenna said...

Haha, I love that. :) Also, Spanx? Best. Invention. EVER.

Stephanie Thornton said...

Hilarious! I think I'm free from parties this year and I'm pretty happy about that!

Yes, I might be anti-social. It's finals week- cut me some slack!

T. Anne said...

I shall write an ode to spanx one day myself ;) To funny about Jersey shore! I think it's backlogged on my DVR I'm up to date on the rest of the trash though, er, I mean reality TV.

jessjordan said...

Jersey Shore???

Okay, I feel it's time for an intervention. Reality rehab time.

Pack your bags. Let's go.

Lori W. said...

Jersey Shore? I came downstairs and found my husband watching that last night. "You've gotta be kidding me! Turn that garbage off . . . no wait, just a minute, I want to see this part."

Happy holidays! I'll catch up on your blog after my self-induced vacation from the internet. Now, if I can just make sure I stay away from TV with all my free time.

rae said...

Best reality show ever. EVAH.

Shana Silver said...

Ha! This post is awesome. Yay for Spanx and The Situation.