Okay, fine, I share my opinions with people who don't listen too. (Um, like my husband.) I'm the oldest sister. I'm bossy. It's just who I am.
And here's the thing, my opinions are really very consistent. In fact, if I had to boil down my philosophy on life into three words it would be as follows:
Keep it real.
I simply do not do fake. In fact, I've taken some pretty extreme measures to eliminate anyone with even a whiff of insincerity from my life. I simply can't deal with it. My rules are pretty simple. In order to be someone I consider a friend you must meet the following criteria:
1. You must listen without judgement when I fail as a mother/wife/sister/daughter/friend/human being. I make loads of mistakes and I'm not shy about admitting it. When Jack rolled off his changing table when he was 9 months old and had to get a CAT scan, I practically took out a billboard informing the world that I was the WORST MOTHER EVER. Or that time when I was forced to break into my own home only to be completely humiliated at Jack's preschool when he spiked a cupcake on the ground (um, maybe a delayed side effect of the fall from the changing table?), instead of pretending like I was mother of the year, I wrote a blog post telling the world how badly I suck. Bottom line: I'm not perfect and I don't want to have to pretend to be perfect. Ever.
2. You live by the golden rule. Know when to tell the truth and when to lie like a dog. Okay, so it's a little different than the traditional version, but it works. I'd want to know if I had a huge chunk of lettuce in my teeth. Or if I was way overdue for an eyebrow wax. Real friends are honest when you need them to be. More importantly, they lie when they realize the truth can only hurt. Yup, that's why your real friends will tell you you're "glowing" when you're only 20 weeks pregnant and look like you could theoretically pop out a 9 pound baby at any second.
3. You absolutely must be able to laugh at yourself. This might actually be my single most important rule. I can't stand people that take themselves too seriously. We all suffer day-to-day humiliations. Your kid pees in the check out line at Target. Your first attempt at writing a novel gets more rejections than you even thought possible. (Seriously, I didn't even know there were that many literary agents in the publishing industry.) You publicly obsess over boys who portray high schoolers on popular television shows. Innocuous comments from your husband reduce you to tears. Instead of sweeping it all under the rug and pretending you're perfect, LAUGH. And guess what? Your real friends will give you a hug and laugh right along with you.
So that pretty much sums up why I'll always choose the Tina Feys over the Gwyneth Paltrows of the world.
Please go congratulate our friend (and agent mate!) Stasia Kehoe for landing an agent AND a book deal in 10 days. Holy. Crap. We can't wait to read AUDITION!