Lisa has two (irrational) fears. House flies and pigeons.
[Editorial note from Lisa: Technically I'm scared of maggots, not house flies. I think we can all agree that there's a HUGE difference. I'm still haunted by that one scene in JULIE AND JULIA. You know the one.]
She once saw a swarm (or three) of flies in her basement, convinced herself one of the kids left something rotting down there that was now crawling with maggots and called an entire team of professional cleaning people to the rescue.
[Editorial note from Lisa: This is completely true. The cleaning company thought I was INSANE. They were probably used to cleaning up after hoarders who died in their piles of crap, but instead they were called in to clean up a basement with some toys laying around.]
They didn't find anything rotting and probably led the flies out on their trip up and down her stairs.
[Editorial note from Lisa: But I slept REALLY well that night.]
According to Lisa, her fear of pigeons originated in London's Trafalgar Square. Tourists + hundreds of pigeons pecking, swooping, landing, pooping = 1 horrified Lisa. She calls them rats with wings and once almost overturned our restaurant table when one went pecking near her feet as we ate outside.
[Editorial note from Lisa: It was pecking at my feet! Do you have any idea how dirty pigeons are? And they have no fear. I'm pretty sure if pigeon pecks your foot there's a 90% chance you end up with rabies or gangrene.]
Needless to say, this week's episode of Modern Family was written for Lisa. Well, minus the houseflies.
Have a great weekend everyone. And watch out for those pigeons.
It's okay. I hate pigeons too = rats of the air, flying rats, seething vermin disease bags.
... um sorry about that. Can't watch the video but do know I have to check out that show. It looks so funny!
I'm laughing (no not at you, I swear!). My daughter IS afraid of houseflies. Anything that flies really. She freaks out. Hope she gets over this before she gets her license!
Oh, and my sister just came back from London and was telling me about being dive-bombed by the birds. I'm thinking that could give anyone a phobia.
You two crack me up!!! I can't blame Lisa though, I'm with her! I would have called a SWAT team out for that many flies, I don't care if it's one I need back-up!!!
I thought bats were rats with wings....:)
I love "Modern Family" and that scene was the best! I'm still laughing from the episode two weeks ago when they were sitting in the infinite pool by the pipe. Seriously, I keep thinking about it and laughing!
I'm not afraid of birds, but we did have one inside our house before and they're scary when they're right there in your house! The thing was even dive-bombing us. And who doesn't fear maggots? Gross!
This modern family was really funny but now, in light of Lisa's phobia, it has become HYSTERICAL!!!!!!
OMG, so one time in art class, we went to the zoo and I don't know what was happening, but I was walking with my friend and out of nowhere these pigeons swooped by and pooped--and I don't mean they just let one go, they had a pooping fit--and my friend and I were the victims each getting pooped on at least 7 times. We ran to the bathroom and then swore a sacred oath that we would never tell anyone ever and that "What happened at the zoo, stays at the zoo."
Unfortunately, the video is blocked to those of us living outside of the US. :(
I hate flies too. Maybe that's because my kids love to chase them and try to splat them against the windows. Fortunately, the flies are faster than the kids.
I once found my 7 yo (he was 18 months at the time), sitting in his playpen, with pieces of a dead fly. Apparently, I gave birth to a human frog. I still get sick at the image.
Have you ever been pooped on by a pigeon? That, my friend, is scary.
Happened to me twice. Once in a train station in Europe, and once while laying on a beach in Florida. Nothing more awful (and less glamorous - b/c I think you're supposed to look very hip and stylish in both situations) than that warm pigeon poo running down your body.
Lisa, your fear of pigeons is totally justified!
The video wouldn't load for me. :( But I can imagine.
My fear is spiders and roaches. Yuck!
*does the heeby-jeeby dance*
Maggots are totally freak worthy. That's why we see them in so many scary movies and videos. Ugh.
Roaches freaked me out until we had a water leak. Then I just got angry.
Ick, I hate flies and nasty dirty pigeons as well. And OMG, why am I not watching that show? That clip was hilarious! Have a great weekend!
I hate birds. All of them. And pigeons are the absolute worst. I don't blame you about the houseflies. I don't care if strangers (or non-strangers for that matter) think I'm totally insane if it allows me to sleep better at night. Is that a problem?
Oh my gosh, I've never laughed so hard so early in the morning. This is freaking HILARIOUS!
I'd overturn that table too. Pigeons are disgusting.
15 years ago, my hubby and I lived in an apartment in Florida. I heard sounds like raindrops on our 2nd floor balcony. I walked out there and found it was literally raining maggots. The guys on the 3rd floor had left their trash out on their balcony (apparently for a year), and it was infested with a zillion maggots. I can't even tell you how gross it was! Thanks for this - now I'm having flashbacks. :)
That clip is hysterical!! The way he was running throughout the house scared of it...that's what I do with spiders, even if they are super tiny :P Unfortunately, we've had a couple wolf spiders in our house and let me tell you, the thought of it makes me want to jump on a chair and scream.
Oh my gosh, Lisa and I (another Lisa) are similar in this. I was telling asking someone the other night how anyone could possibly eat squab. Afterall, they are merely flying rodents. Uugghhh, so gross! And maggots make me hurl.
I frickin' hate maggots.
And that scene from Modern Family was hi-larious!
Love the video! Love that show. I hate ticks, seem to find them a lot this time of year. Is anyone a fan of maggots? I can see the pigeon thing too ;o)
Have a great weekend!
I would totally be that way. Except I wouldn't go after the pigeon, I'd be running outside - but that's definitely not as funny.
And I have a phobia of house flies (or any insect inside my house). I swear they come after me and dive bomb my head - they know I don't like them. I hunt them down. No mercy! Take no prisoners!
Oh man! I love this post... the "editorial edits" had me CRACKING UP!
Random piece of information; if a pigeon poops on you, you must resist the urge to try and get it off immediately, because you'll just rub it in. The best thing to do is just wait a couple of minutes and it'll turn flaky, and you can sweep it off. Disgusting, but useful to know. :)
(By the way, my irrational fear is of moths. Bad experience when I was a kid camping, and ever since... I can't even enjoy butterflies anymore! Seriously, if I see a moth, I WILL scream.)
Maggots--yuck! Pigeons? Eh. That episode of MF was hilarious!
Have a great weekend!
Hilarious house fly story! Modern Family is the best. I was hoping from your opening line that you were gonna get to that scene. Happy weekend.
That video seems totally reasonable to me.
I have a thing about squirrels. They stare at me with beedy eyes...once there were three on my roof, and one sitting on my mailbox and they were all staring at me...plotting something.
I know it.
*snorts* *snarfs* You crack me up. And if you don't like pigeons, I WOULDN'T recommend going to venice. They are inescapable. And street vendors sell pigeon food, and they'll be standing there with like, 10 pigeons roosting on their arms, like the bird lady in Mary Poppins. (And...now I'll have "Feed the Birds" stuck in my head all day. Fabulous)
I laughed so hard when I saw this. I totally did the same thing when a baby squirrel jumped through my window and tore through my bedroom and closet. I finally captured the beast in a shoe box (Prada--it was the sturdiest) with the help of my neighbor who is a guy but just as much of a girl as I am.
I broke a pottery bowl, knocked down my closet bar, and scuffed the wall with a tennis racket.
Yes. A tennis racket.
Did I actually think I had the guts to whack the little rodent with a tennis racket and ace his bloody carcass through my bedroom window????
Birds inside=I'm freaking out. I'd almost rather have a bat in the house, but birds are just sort of freaky. And swimming with disease. Yuck.
The ones at the pet store make me sad, though.
Our current pest of choice: Yellow Jackets. The queens have just come out and I've been killing them all week.
I LOVE this show and I'm also afraid of maggots in my food. IT's not too irrational. Better than plastic cups and farm machinery :/
I don't have an irrational fear of these things, but both of these incidents reminded me of SIMILAR SCARY TIMES involving flies/maggots and pigeons.
1. Don't remember what led up to this grisly discovery, but basically, there was a basement involved (not mine though because I don't have one, thankfully) and a cleaning crew, except there was indeed something rotting down there. Luckily, I never saw it and was only around to hear the shout of horror when the cleaning people found it.
2. Pigeons in Paris. My sister saw a pigeon struggling to peck apart & eat a mostly whole ice cream cone. So out of kindness, she stepped on the cone to break it into smaller, more manageable pieces. Two seconds later, we look across the street to see a whole SWARMING FLOCK of pigeons swooping our way. -__-'
I love pigeons! Once I tried to take one with a broken wing outside of a Mexican restaurant home. My dad was okay with it since he grew up on a farm. My mom was not. Whenever I go to Chicago, I love chasing them. It's like squirrels and rabbits. When I was a kid, small furry and feathery animals - I would instinctively chase them.
Seagulls. Now those things are scary. They eat food right out of your hands and attack you with their scary ass beaks. And they're smart! Animals should not be that smart. At least pigeons are dumb and manageable.
That vid is hilarious. The only thing I hate more than flies is, well, ok there are a couple. Like roaches and squirmy things like grubs and spiders and ewwww i'm getting grossed out by my own comment.
I'm not a huge fan of pigeons, but I hate flies. They buzz, land on things like food. They have those little legs they rub together like an evil genius in a Bond movie. *shudders* And why do they need so many eyes? Their heads are tiny!
See, told you I hated flies. :)
LOL! Maggots gross me out too! EW, ew, ew!
I also hate spiders and try to avoid them at all cost. =)
Maggots = totally disgusting. Ew! I'm with you on that one. My irrational fear is worms. Oh, and fish. If I have to stand with my kids for very long near the fish tanks at PetSmart, I get dizzy and lightheaded. They think it's hilarious.
I laughed SO hard during that episode of Modern Family! Awesome!
I understand the fear of the flock - around here, we have Canadian geese who will charge right up and peck at your hands if you have food anywehre near you. They can be downright scary. :)
OMG, once when we lived in NYC, I was pushing Jordan in a swing, when I noticed a pigeon standing in her stroller eating cheerios out of her snack tray! I wanted to throw the whole stroller away. YUCK!!!!!
This post is amazingly funny and totally makes me wish I had a book penned by you two on my nightstand.
For the record, or score, I side with Lisa. Birds, flies, maggots, all animals in general, are freaky deaky dutch and scare the hell outta me.
LOL! What a great video! Thanks!
And maggots are disgusting. We had . . . never mind . . . it's too gross to share.
It's okay, Lisa.
My things are spiders and bees/wasps.
On the playground last week, I THREW the bucket of construction paper I was cutting (AND THE SCISSORS) and ran when a bee decided it liked me.
Then there was a large-ish spider in the classroom, and I called my co-teacher to come squish it.
I'm afraid I really MUST protest about the extremely bad press you have given to the MOST reliable postmen/postbirds in my part of the world.
I live in a country where pigeon post is still the most trustworthy form of postal service (apart from the internet - but here we are usually without this service at least 2 days a week)....so, you see these avian buddies are REALLY of utmost importance to the infra structure of this ancient land. Click on my profile if you want to see how highly I regard these fellow creatures....
Oh - and when the hard working bird is ready to retire - it tastes REALLY GREAT in PIGEON PIE!
OK - flies I can understand - I hate mosquitoes with a passion, too!
HILARIOUS POST LADIES!
I must personally apologize to you, Lisa. I volunteer at the Project Wildlife Care Center where we rescue hundreds of wounded or orphaned animals. I guiltily admit to syringe and stick-feeding baby pigeons, therefore increasing the pigeon population. A friend asked me why the pigeons, and I couldn't think of an answer. The population is certainly high enough. Compassion, maybe???
On the plus side, we also rescue lots of other animals: song birds, sea birds, ducks, raptors, owls, bats, foxes, racoons, opposums, rabbits, squirrels (sorry Marsha), deer, pretty much anything that isn't domestic except mice.
Now, the maggots: bleh! LOST BOYS comes to mind--so gross!!!
I was freaking cracking up that entire episode!! I LOVE Modern Family =)
I have an irrational fear of zombies.
Don't laugh. I discovered that when I trudged out of our temporary center after Hurricane Ike. Unknown to me, a puppy by the name of something that sounded like Mauwg-lee had bounded out of a nearby home at 3 A.M. when its owner had let out her cat.
I had just watched 28 MONTHS LATER. You know, the movie with the super-charged zombies who moved faster than a politician dodging responsibility.
Well, out of nowhere comes tearing this jerkily moving, really speedy woman with disheveled hair screaming, "Mauwgleeeeee! Mauwgleeeeee! Mauwgleeeee!"
And she's headed straight towards me, her arms flailing wildly. I want you to know that every orifice in my body shrank to the size of a pepper seed. And I jumped with a shrill scream that belonged to a little girl not a manly man like myself.
The woman pulled up short and snapped, "What's your problem, mister?"
I explained myself. She explained herself. And I helped her find her puppy.
And that was how I learned I had an irrational fear of zombies, Roland
My sister is terrified of all kinds of birds, especially the kind that won't fly away when she gets close. I had to hold her hand and lead her past all the birds at Disney when we went a couple of years ago, so she could close her eyes and pretend they weren't there.
Hmm the great pigeon conspiracy... I see it now.
Actually, any kind of bugs freak me out. I hate them. I wouldn't necessarily say scared so much as grossed out.
You two are always so fun!
I totally agree on the maggot thing. I had a horrific candy-maggot experience in high school, but I won't contaminate your comments with it. Just realize it was so scarring I had to share it with my children (that's what we're supposed to do with gross stories, right?) and one of them will not eat this type of candy. Ever again. But she and I like pigeons. Go figure.
My husband lived in Italy for a few years and while there he developed a fear of pigeons too. He calls them flying rats too and cringes whenever he sees one.
I'm really only afraid of things that can kill me, like coral snakes and box jellyfish.
lol that's hilarious!!
OMG you found this clip from Modern Family!!! I laughed so hard at this and tried to find a clip of just this scene the next day but couldn't find it!
Post a Comment