My husband is obsessed with 9/11. Anytime there's a documentary on, he's tuned in and with the 10 year anniversary this week we've been watching a lot of the footage. Reliving it, dissecting what happened, hearing first hand accounts from the victim's families.
It's difficult to watch. I don't know if other people feel this way, but I can't think about 9/11 without getting a huge pit in my stomach. The fear of the possibilities swallows me and I start to go through what ifs.
What if terrorists strike again?
What if my husband is on the plane?
What if I have cancer and I don't know it?
What if one of my kids get sick?
What if we get into a horrible car accident?
All of the horrible possibilities pile on top of each other until I want to crawl back into bed and never crawl back out. Sometimes in those moments it's tempting to stop living because I'm so scared of dying.
Which is silly if you think about it because there's so much to live for. So I take a deep breath and force myself to take stock of all I have to be thankful for, to think about the reasons I get out of bed every single morning.
The drooly smiles.
The surprise hugs and kisses.
The sound of my husband's laugh.
Fan mail from 12-year-olds.
BBQs at my parents house where my brother-in-law scares the crap out of the kids while hiding in a dark shed.
Hilarious videos of my nephew drawing all over my sister's car.
The time that the guy at the Mac store gave me a new charger free of charge, just to be nice.
That feeling you get the moment you put down a really amazing book.
So, tell me, what gets you out of bed every morning?
Usually because I have to go to work. Lol No, I look forward to the time I spend with friends and family.
I love the sense of possibility -- that this could be the day I write without worry or anxiety! That I'm in control of what I do!
First of all- I love the blog's new look! Secondly- I get this numbed out creepy feeling in my gut when I think about 9/11 too. Can't help remembering exactly where I was when I first heard a plane had hit (in a college amphitheater classroom) and where I watched the towers go down (the community TV at our dorms). And to answer your question- my kids get me up in the morning. Very early. With demands to be fed. But I wouldn't want to be awoken any other way;)
Whoa. I'm gone for two weeks and I come back to yellow? Actually, I kind of like it.
THE BLOG IS BEAUTIFUL!!! What a sunny, happy change! Makes me want to spring clean the house :)
Wow. You very accurately described what it's like for me to live with severe anxiety - everyday is a very sick game of "what if" and I've definitely been very nearly crippled with fear of living because of fear of all the bad things that could happen. Bleh.
But I push through because I remember my nieces and nephews - their happy faces when I come through the door, my husband's loving support, writing, reading amazing books, Christmas time with the family, my brother finally being home from Iraq - so many things for which to be happy and live life.
So maybe all those horrible things will happen but not now. Not in this moment. This moment is made of awesome. :)
The knowledge that if I don't, not a single member of my family, husband included, will make it to their job or school. Instead, they'll "visit" with me while I try to write. And I think we all know how that turns out.
First, I love your new blog design. So happy. I want to keep refreshing the page. Second, I love the little things too and I think it is so good in all the crazy that you remember them. You all win.
Your blog looks like the Liar Society site now! Cute!
Coffee gets me out of bed. ;) But also just the promise of a new day.
The new look is fabulous! :)
Kids do it for me. Every day. :)
Reality? A little girl at my bedside pulling at my arm at 5:30am. Seriously, almost every morning...
But,the reason why I want to get out of bed would have to be my family. Those fun times together laughing at silly faces...or silly acts.
Great post! I recently watched live footage from the tsunami in Japan, and it seriously took me about a week, because it was so disturbing, I could only watch 10 minutes at a time.
I like listening to my daughter's cute little lisp. :)
And oh my heck!! YOUR BLOG IS NEW. It's so cute! I need something new, don't I? #crap #theanswertothatisyes
My little pumpkin. I love that I'm the first one that gets to see her early morning smile. Even if it is still dark outside.
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