Fabulous Friday

This week was just full of fabulousity. I feel like I'm finally getting into a groove as a stay-at-home-mom, but that's probably just because the kids started camp this week. Don't judge.

Without further ado, here are all of the fabulous things I've learned this week:

1. Apparently there is this ultra secret gift that stay-at-home moms give each other when they're welcoming a new member into their ranks.

I received my gift bag from my friend Carly this week. Not bad, right? I feel like the Quilting Today and the champers cancel each other out. And yes, the bottle of champagne is empty. What can I say? Champagne with an ice cube sure beat the Crystal Light I was planning on serving at the playdate.

2. Our readers are much funnier than we are. As if our little contest wasn't proof enough, Laura called me on my cell phone to read me some of the comments on the Drew Barrymore post out loud.

Personal favorites include:

--"Do you think Lucy Liu and Cameron Diaz are texting each other to schedule an intervention?Angel down. Angel down!"

--"Here's what's funny to me--Justin's whole "thing" is that he's the cool guy in the Mac ads. Boyfriend just doesn't look so cool walking around with Drew in her clown garb. Just sayin'. He needs to reign her in lest he lose his credibility and suddenly everyone wants to be the PC guy. I'll bet that PC guy's wife wears Tory Burch."

I'm not sure which is more pathetic, the fact that Laura and I have entire phone conversations about comments on the blog or that Little Ms. J. and Sarah Francis totally showed up our post in the comments. Well played, girls. Well played.

3. There are certain people who I should not be permitted to go shopping with. You know who you are. It was just an innocent trip to the mall to kill time before we had to pick up the kiddies from camp and I ended up coming home with these: Um...oops. I'm supposed to be saving money for a new laptop, but these were on sale. SALE! How could I pass them up? They're sparkly. Do you see the sparkles?

Anyways, they're all mine now and there's no way I'm taking them back. Ever. Thank god for friends who remind you that one has an obligation to purchase shoes like this when they're found abandonded on a sale rack.

It's really more like adoption than shopping.

4. I heart Major Agent. Laura and I have been feeling totally unfocused since we've been on sub, so we're going to pitch a few of our new project ideas to Major Agent next week. I have the feeling that once we're working on an agent sanctioned manuscript we'll hit the ground running with our WIP.

Bottom line: our agent rocks. Hard. I honestly can't imagine doing any of this without her. We're lucky girls.

I'm not sure this post can take any more fabulousity, so have a fab weekend everyone! We'll be back on Monday with our usual nonsense.

D-Bag-O-Meter: PC of NYC Prep

NYC Prep premiered this week and it did not disappoint. The kids on this show are so affected that it was difficult to watch at times. It was one of those cringe worthy shows where you almost want to cover your eyes because you're so embarrassed on behalf of the people on screen.

Naturally, I managed to watch the entire 60 minutes, plus the 30 minute preview special.

After spending a full hour and a half with PC, I knew that it was time to break out the D-Bag-O-Meter (patent pending). Laura and I have been hard at work conceptualizing the D-Bag-O-Meter (patent pending) for some time now, and thanks to the help of our Photoshop Genius Sister (patent not pending) it's finally ready for public consumption.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with the term D-Bag (aka Douchebag) I give you Wickipedia:

"Douchebag, or simply douche, is considered to be a pejorative term in North America. In other English speaking countries the term is not well known. The slang usage of the term dates back to the 1960s. The term implies a variety of negative qualities, specifically arrogance and engaging in obnoxious and/or irritating actions without malicious intent. It is generally used for males only."

Yes, it's a little crass, but it's the perfect way to describe those guys that think they're too cool for school when they're actually total poseurs. Famous d-bags include men like Slade Smiley, Jesse Metcalfe, Chad Michael Murray and John Mayer. A true D-Bag takes himself extraordinarilty seriously and can often be seen wearing marves (man scarves) and mandals (man sandals).

Exhibit A: Watch a D-Bag in action as PC uses the term "gal friends" without a hint of irony.


Dear PC,

Please see below for your official ranking on the D-Bag-O-Meter (patent pending). As you can see, George is the quintessential non-douche, while Spencer is as douchy as they come.

You, dear PC, have just earned yourself a "serious d-bag" rating with your performance in the NYC Prep premier.

Thanks for playing.

XOXO,
L&L

And the winner is...

Well, it was a tight race between "Child leashes slut monkey" and "Desperately flirting idea whores," but in the end "Child leashes slut monkey" won in the voting booth.

Congratulations, Sarah! Send us an e-mail and let us know what your gift certificate of choice will be. Barnes and Noble? J.Crew? Nordstrom? Your choice clever girl.

Ooh, and we should mention that Sarah was literally our very first follower. If you've ever read any of our early blog posts you'd know she deserves way more than a $30 gift certificate for reading our blog on a daily basis.

She's baaackkkk...

Oh Drew...you've officially made our fashion watch list. We're concerned there are more serious matters at hand, namely fashion insanity which may or may not require copious amounts of rehab.

Is that face paint or some type of reflective gear so she won't get hit by a car at night? A dunce cap? Did you go on a wacky/unflattering leggings shopping spree?

Time to put down the Mac and stage an intervention, Justin. Better yet, power up your iPhone and get this shit taken care of because there's got to be an app for this.

Upon second glance, I realized that thing on her head is actually a shark hat. Because marlins have big teeth? I'm confused.

And yes, I totally get that she went with the whole team spirit look for a day at the ball park, but this is not ok. Not even if you're root, root, roooting for the home team.

Democracy Rocks...

Because we are both democratic and indecisive we've decided to let our readers declare the winner of our first ever Google Me This contest. The poll will be open until tomorrow at midnight, so be sure to vote for your favorite before then. The winner will receive a $30 gift certificate to the store of their choice.

Viva la democracy! (Or something like that.)

Which google search that leads directly to our blog do you find most amusing?
	child leashes slut monkey
	Sleeping with Zack Efron is a feast of awesome
	Jackasses drooling over buzzed monkeys
	Desperately flirting idea whores
pollcode.com free polls

Got a case of the Sundays?

For as long as I can remember I've always hated Sunday nights. There's just something so inherently depressing and lonely about the end of a weekend.

I think Angela Chase said it best:

"There's something about Sunday night that really makes you wanna kill yourself. Especially if you've just been totally made a fool of by the only person you'll ever love and you have a Geometry midterm on Monday, which you still haven't studied for because you can't because Brian Krakow has your textbook and you're too embarrassed to even deal with it. And your little sister's completely finished with her homework, which is just, like, so simple and mindless a child could do it. And that creepy 60 Minutes watch that sounds like your whole life ticking away."

There's a part of me that still associates Mondays with Geometry midterms and Brian Krakow. And in spite of the fact that I now watch 60 minutes (talk about irony...), I still think of Jordan Catalano and suicide every time I hear that ticking clock. I guess deep down I'm still an angsty 16-year-old, only now my angst is reserved for things like trips to the grocery store and camp schedules. Jealous?

God, I hate Sundays.

But watching this makes me feel just a little bit better...



P.S.
If all of the My So-Called Life references were completely lost on you, stop reading our lame blog and buy, borrow or steal the complete first season. Now. Seriously.

Another Friday...

And I've learned precious little this week. It wasn't a bad week exactly, just a blah week. I definitely left the house and we definitely did stuff, I'm just not sure what we did.

Anyways, here's what I learned in the 2nd to last week of June:

1. Our friends are funny. The searches that you guys are putting together for our little contest are fabulous. Some early favorites include: "sleeping with Zack Effron is a feast of awesome," "child leashes slut monkey," and "Jackasses drooling over buzzed monkeys." There are also another couple of searches including "lisa and laura are whores" and "justin bobby stripper punishment." I'm not sure if these are part of the contest or not, but I found them highly entertaining.

2. Rainy days = Mommy Fail. Have you ever spent the entire day inside your house with a 2-year-old and a 4-year-old while it rains buckets outside? Have you done it 4 days in a row? I hate Cleveland weather.

3. Summer television isn't that bad. Now that the Real Housewives of New Jersey has come to a premature end (that season was WAY too short) we have NYC Prep to look forward to. And Royal Pains is getting better. Honest. The acting isn't terrible and the doctor is really cute even if he is really short. And fine, I'll admit it. I watch True Blood. It's horrible, trashy and oftentimes repulsive, but it's also compulsively watchable.

4. I love Libba Bray. I'm on the final book (The Sweet Far Thing) in Libba Bray's Gemma Doyle series and it's fantastic. The books are paced perfectly and are almost impossible to put down. As I'm reading, I keep trying to figure Bray's secret, but so far all I can come up with is phenomenal writing. Helpful.

5. Dads rock. Sunday is Father's Day and I'm grateful for all of the dads in my life. My dad and my father-in-law are two of those rare men who wanted to be involved in every aspect of their kid's lives. They set a precedent that my husband lives up to every single day when he changes diapers, puts the kids to bed, gives bubble baths and plays the infamous "catch me" game. I'm so grateful to be surrounded by amazing dads.

Well, that's all she wrote for this week. Have a fabulous weekend everyone!

Google Me This - a Contest LiLa Style

Ok, so it's no secret that we're a little obsessed with all things Stat Counter, and there's nothing we love more than when someone stumbles upon our blog via a particularly random google search. Personal favorites include "bitch sister naked payback" and the ever popular "overalls cameltoe."

So, dear readers, it's your turn. The reader who manages to find our blog via the most outrageous and hilarious google search will win a $30 gift certificate to Barnes and Noble or really any store you choose. We're totally flexible and understand that your need for fabulous accessories may outweigh your need for a good book at this stage in the game.

Anyways, here's how to play:

1. Start googling. Enter in random terms and see what brings you to our blog.

2. Once you a hit upon suitably random and hilarious search term that actually brings up our blog in the search results click on the link to our blog. This will ensure that it comes up in Stat Counter so we can verify your entry.

3. Now, just leave your hilarious and random search term in the comments section for this post and you'll be officially entered.

The contest is open until midnight on Sunday June 22nd and the winner will be announced on Monday morning. Happy googling!

P.S.
We can't make any promises because this is totally subjective, but if you link to our little contest in your blog or on your twitter and also paste the link in the comments section you might just earn yourself some brownie points. Just sayin...

Green is the new black...

As a very wise frog once said, "It ain't easy being green," and lately, I'm feeling his pain.

Jealousy is a bitch.

Whether I'm drooling over my friend's recent vacation pictures, admiring a stranger's fabulous ensemble in the grocery store or scanning the YA section at the book store, I've had a raging case of the green meanies lately. Now don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled that I have friends who take fab vacays and I love reading publishing success stories, but I also sort of feel like throwing myself on the ground in a collassal temper tantrum because I WANT IT TOO!

Here's the thing, I'm actually a pretty competative person, but throughout my life I've always been very careful to only play games that I know I can win. Horrible? Yes. Lazy? Definitely. But it's also the (rather pathetic) truth.

So here I am now, jobless for the first time since I was 15-years-old with our debut novel on submission to publishers; aspiring to do something that 99.9% of people fail at doing. In the past I would have given up after our first query rejection. Or I would never have even tried in the first place because really, what's the point if your chances at success are this slim?

But things are different now. I see those books in the bookstore and my stomach clenches. I want this and I will not give up until I get it. I have no idea where this journey is going to take us, but I know one thing for sure, we'll get there eventually.

Oh, and for that woman at the grocery store, the one with the Tory Burch sandals I've been drooling over and the Marc Jacobs bag that I'd seriously consider giving up my first born for, watch your back.

I have a Nordstrom's charge and I'm not afraid to use it.

Divine Secrets of Stay-at-Home-Motherhood

Now that I've officially joined the ranks of the SAHMs (stay-at-home-moms for those of you who don't frequent the mommy blogs), I'm slowly starting to discover their secrets.

1. Nap time is not just for the 5 and under set. Naps are fabulous for mommies too whether you're sleeping off a humiliating playdate or that bottle of pinot grigio from the night before. It's really a win/win.

2. Always say no to playdates at the Cleveland Zoo. The big attraction is Monkey Island which consists of a huge rock with 5 emaciated monkeys laying around. Trust me when I say you really don't want to be answering questions about whether the monkeys are sleeping or in monkey heaven. I'm still a little shocked that this wasn't featured in the Cleveland Tourism videos.

3. Join a gym with fabulous child care. There is no better incentive for working out than being able to take a shower and apply make-up in peace after you're all done with that spin class.

4. It's time to start a movement to make child leashes socially acceptable. This ever controversial accessory really would be fantastic if it wouldn't be completely humiliating to break it out. Maybe if they came up with some really chic version of the thing I could get the other moms on board and I could happily restrain my 4-year-old without all the dirty looks. And no, I don't currently use a leash like this, but it's so, so, so tempting.

5. Mommy guilt is so last season. I used to feel terrible when my children would run around stores like hooligans, scream at the top of their lungs when I'm trying to have a phone conversation and my personal favorite, beg strangers for food. Yes, my children have asked complete strangers for food. I swear I feed them regularly, but aside from attaching a feedbag to their faces I'm not sure how to rectify the situation.

In short, I am that mom. The one that single women with fabulous shoes and bags openly mock. The one who the mothers of adorable 6-month-olds swear they'll never become. The mom I promised myself I'd never be. And you know what, it's really not that bad...once you get past all the pitying looks from strangers.

Guess the best kept secret of all is to never say never.

Where have you been all my life?

That is the question I was asking myself when I started reading this blog.

I can't take credit for finding this little gem. I stumbled across a link over at Editorial Anonymous, a fabulous blog you should all be reading on a daily basis. Honestly, I just can't believe I haven't been following the inner monologue of an editorial intern and soon-to-be-published author who talks about herself in the third person and posts random thoughts like this on a daily basis:

"THE INTERN interrupts her daily romp through the slush pile to bring you this newsbreak: God is not on your team. Today alone, THE INTERN has had to send rejection letters to three people who thought he was . Newsflash: If God was on your team, you wouldn't need to be sending me a book proposal. That shit would come to me in a vision, and I would contact you."

I knew I was adding her to my blog roll as soon as I read the words "that shit would come to me in a vision, and I would contact you."

Good. Times.