Thursday, February 11, 2010

LiLa - The Early Years

Many people think it's odd that two grown sisters spend so much time together. I mean, let's face it, Twilight slumber parties with your sister when you're 15? Awesome. Twilight slumber parties with your sister when you're 30? Questionable at best.

Others wonder how we can work so closely together without killing each other and the truth is: We've been working the same craptastic jobs together our entire lives. Yup, you heard it here first. Team LiLa was actually born one fateful day back in 1996 at Dr. L and G's Dentist Office.

Now, being 15 and 17 and working as receptionists in a dentist office might sound like a really glamorous job, but, sadly, the reality was grim. Dr. L was approximately 85 years old. He didn't wear gloves and he had this weird policy where you had to bring his appointment book into exam rooms with a little note attached when there were dental emergencies. After you stood there for a minute or ten, he'd take whatever instrument was in his hand and gesture vaguely at the appointment book to schedule the patient.

And there were a LOT of emergencies mainly because he was too old to be practicing. Bridges were constantly falling out and root canals almost always required multiple appointments. Laura couldn't sleep for a week when she heard a horror story from the dental assistants (which, no joke, were girls from our high school with zero training) about a patient who had an abscess that popped. She didn't know what an abscess was, but it didn't matter. Something popping in a mouth was horrifying regardless of what it actually might have been. Dr. L's particular brand of dentistry meant that 99% of his patients walked out of the office with one huge, fused-together tooth. Actually two, if you counted the bottom "teeth."

Now, Dr. G was the younger and angrier of the two dentists. No doubt he was ashamed to be working in a practice where the teenaged "receptionists" frequently dined on pasta marinara and made prank phone calls from the front desk. As a result, when emergencies came in for Dr. G there was always an argument about who would have to take the note back to the exam room. He'd frequently mutter four letter words under his breath when he saw one of us standing there in our tapered white jeans from Dots (yeah, that was the office uniform) and if Laura was the poor jackhole standing there with the book, he'd completely ignore her and she'd cry.

Good. Times.

Responsibilities for LiLa at Dr. L and G's Office Included:
  • Making fake patient charts (Mr. I.M. Coloring, anyone?)

  • Fielding fake appointment calls from the mean girl dental assistants (yeah, the ones from our high school). Laura ALWAYS fell for the ones made in an Irish accent and cried afterwards.

  • Wrapping scotch tape around the tooth brushes attached to the bathroom keys so patients didn't use the tooth brush in the bathroom. Don't laugh. It happened.

  • Ordering random and increasingly complex food from local restaurants. We ate chinese, Boston Chicken, bagels and a crap load of pizza all while welcoming patients into the office. Classy.

  • Snooping through Dr. L's ginourmous collection (we're talking wall-to-wall stacks) of old Playboy magazines piled in his decrepit office. He also chain-smoked back there so when we ordered food, it mixed with Dr. L's smoke to create a stench typically associated with college bars before they passed laws about smoking in public spaces. Precisely the atmosphere you're looking for you visit the dentist.

Writing books together is a cake walk compared to this. And we haven't even told you about the summer when Lisa was a waitress at The Ground Round and Laura was the hostess. Let's just say Lisa cried almost every time Laura seated a customer in her section and often completely forgot about entire tables of people.

I guess it was only natural for us to team up together for this next adventure. The only thing we know for sure is that someone's bound to start sobbing uncontrollably at some point.

Buckle up.

57 comments:

A. Grey said...

ROLMAO!!! Okay, that just made Thursday the new Friday! You guys sound so much like my sister and me. We work on the same horse farm. High drama, large herbivores of questionable intelligence, and heavy equipment, all in the same square mile...

Christina Lee said...

Shut UP about the toothbrush thing--eww!! I love hearing about LiLa as teens!!

Simon C. Larter said...

Ooh! First!

Except I don't have much to say today. Haven't had enough coffee yet. Why don't we just assume that I had some scintillating insights and sparkling witticisms ready to go, but decided to just ramble on about being first to comment instead. Yes. Let's do that.

Really, can we get a webcam for your writing sessions? People could run betting rings based on who's going to burst out crying first, and how long the sobbing will continue. "Lisa... five and a half minutes... six to one odds..."

"No, Laura... three minutes, twelve seconnds... four to three odds...."

It'd be fun. Y'know.

Simon C. Larter said...

Oh, phooey. Not first after all. Well, now that comment doesn't make any sense at all...

Emily J. Griffin said...

I live with my sister. People think it's weird. Sometimes, I think it's weird.

A year ago we both would've said a hearty "Hell No" to living together, but somewhere along the line things changed.

Barring a few yelling matches (and uncontrollable sobbing-- it's what sister do), we've both made out all right.

By the by, bathroom toothbrush = disgusting. Thanks.

Tamika: said...

What a trunk load of wonderful memories! You two are an awesome pair- and you complement each other so well!

I can't wait to see how your writing meshes.

Jen said...

I think it's fantastic that you two are so close! My sisters and I are super close to one another, however we all have our different paths in live, so even though we are super close we have our own lives! Sometimes I wish we worked together... it would be a lot more fun!

Christine Danek said...

I love this! You have made me smile after being stuck in my house with two sick kids, a ton of snow outside and wanting to write so badly it hurts. You made my day :)

Corey Schwartz said...

Ha ha! You guys never run out of material, do you?

Kelly said...

I love it! I have two daughters 1 1/2 yrs apart and I hope one day they'll be close like you guys. Currently, they fight over toy princesses like nobody's business! I can dream....

Erica said...

Wow, I'm very glad I didn't go to that dentist! Personally I think it's great that you work together. I also waitressed and forgot tables, I ran into another waitress once - who didn't like me - and she had a tray of stuff that all tumbled to the ground...woops.

My sister and I are 12 years apart in age, but we are close - I really do love hanging out with her. I know you guys are closer in age, but the bond is there. I would never work with her though -she's a bit lazy... LOL

Thanks for sharing :o)

Kerri C at CK Farm said...

You gals ALWAYS make me laugh but this story was frosting on the cake! I was seriously dying over here with laughter!

Oh can you have like spill the beans Thursday every week!

Melissa said...

Oh, soooooo great haha that sounds like my sisters and I. We worked together at a restaurant for a year until Nikki decided she was vegan, and Kristina decided she was fat. After that, restaurant life was hard :)

Frankie Diane Mallis said...

Ahahahahaha! OMG this was absolutely hysterical!!! Totally cheered me up right before I o into the shoveling snow cave of doom!! My sister and I are 16 months apart and we only worked together one summer for social security. We're super close and hang out all the time. :-)

Lisa Desrochers said...

I love this! Hysterical.

I have so much respect for people who can do what you guy do. I can even let anyone read anything I've written until it's finished and revised and I think maybe it doesn't totally suck. You guys rock!

Keliah said...

I heart this story! It just made my day! :)

Kristi said...

I think it's awesome you two are so close! After working the overnight shift as a waitress (in a very craptastic diner -- there aren't many classy establishments open 24/7) for an entire summer, I realized any job I did in life after that would be far easier. I've mostly been right!

T. Anne said...

Pure hilarity. Honestly this is a novel all in itself. Chick lit anyone?

Tere Kirkland said...

My sister and I would kill each other. I'm surprised we survived sharing a bedroom for twelve years.

That's awesome you two have such fond memories of working together. ;)

Tricia J. O'Brien said...

I have a box of tissues handy. I am so ready for this ride!
(I think Dr. L's twin removed one of my wisdom teeth. It was a nightmare to remember.)

Dara said...

LOL! Working with sisters is the greatest :P My younger sister and I worked together at an office as interns. Basically, we were suppose to "Test" websites to make sure they worked. That never took long and we often had NOTHING to do but blabber on AIM--even though we were often sitting right across from each other.

I even wrote a short story about it :P

You know, I think I'm going to have to post about this on my own blog now :P Thanks for the inspiration--and the laughs :)

Falen said...

Ha! Awesome!
Your hijinks sound great!
i love how seemingly because i'm a twin with my sister, no one ever asks us those questions. But i guess because you're not twins you get them. weird...

Shannon Messenger said...

Ah...sisters who get along. What must that be like?

Great post though! Just when I think you guys can't get any funnier!

Also--my word verification is "Igivescu" which is WAY too much like "I give, screw you!" for my tired brain to not mention it! ;)

Carolyn V. said...

Oh my gosh! And I was scared of the dentist before I read this! lol. How cool to be so close to your sister. My sister is 10 years older than me and lives in a completely different state. But I still love her.

Icy Roses said...

Wow, siblings who get along! I pretty much decided from my brother's and my relationship that I don't want to have more than one kid, ever, because nobody needs to see WWIII break out in the house EVERY DAY. Heck, we don't even get along now, and I don't live at home anymore, haha.

You guys are awesome!

Christine said...

Oh my goodness--I'm so glad for you guys that you're authors now!!

And Laura, I don't blame you for crying. I was known for that at work when someone was mean to me too. (Haha--I used past tense, right?)

Seriously though, think of all the stories you've got to write! I can't wait to read them all.

Kristy said...

Oh my God... how did he stay in business???

Sara McClung ♥ said...

LOL. that's great...

I have to say though, my sisters are my best friends. The one closest to me in age lives across the country from me, but I could TOTALLY see myself still having Twilight slumber parties with her. (With both of them actually!)

To be honest, I love and am envious (in a good, I'm really happy for you kind of way) of how close you two are and that you get to work together... and have Twilight slumber parties!

Kimberly Franklin said...

Lol! I can totally picture the two of you in that dentists office. Lol! You two are awesome.

Mariah Irvin said...

I love the stories you guys tell!

Marsha Sigman said...

ROFL!!! Ahhh, the good ole days. My sister and I are 17 months apart. The fights and tearful episodes are truly memorable.

One time I made fun of her till she cried and punched a hole in the wall of our house. Then I felt bad and helped her make up a story about how she tripped and fell into the wall.

Then there was that time I made fun of her until she got so mad she missed the turnoff to our house and ran the car through a barbed wire fence (country roads) and I helped her make up a story about a bee stinging her while driving.

At some point she should have learned to ignore me. I was obviously evil.

Verification word: unonunt-I think this is what I called her both times.

Nisa said...

If you can live through that, you can live through anything. And yet, I bet there are so many more fun stories that got omitted. I can just imagine...

Rebecca Knight said...

I totally agree with Christine--you HAVE to make this into a book somehow :D!

I would read it in a heartbeat. Seriously, you can't make this stuff up! Pure. Gold.

Natalie said...

I'm still laughing. You should be comedians--you have tons of material and you never disappoint.

And I thought my dentist office was bad. YIKES!

Nicole Ducleroir said...

I miss my sisters!

Hilarious post -- Thanks for putting a smile in my afternoon!!!!

((hugs)) Nicole

Krispy said...

Hey, there's nothing weird about sisters being close. I'm super close with mine, but I think it mostly involves her bossing me around (even though I'm the oldest -_-).

Your stories are hilarious! Can we expect the restaurant edition of "LiLa: The Early Years" any time soon?

Hardygirl said...

Okay. I want to work in that dentist office so bad. Tapered white jeans?? Boston chicken AND pizza? Playboys??? Gross stories about teeth??????

Is he still practicing? I can fax my application today.

sf

Tara McClendon said...

That's so funny. My sister and I couldn't have worked together in our teens. It would've been very...unpleasant for everyone involved. After two decades of life, we learned to appreciate each other. I'm glad you two have such interesting memories. :]

jdcoughlin said...

Gross and Hilarious and I can soooo relate! My sisters can bring out the best in me and the worst in me all in a split second. Of course, that's mostly because when I'm at my best they think it's my worst.
So love the Ground Round. So remember that!
And the crying, that was so mean. Both my sisters have a mean streak longer than, well, our mother. And she can beat down Nurse Ratched with only one of her evil eyes.

Lunar Amyscope said...

After high school I completed this training course to be a dental assistant. I got all A's on the exams, but when it came time to get all hands on in the action...I freaking hated it.

You guys are hilarious!

Elana Johnson said...

I so wish I could be in the same room with you two! The sobbing would come because of your hysterical laughing, I'm sure of it.

Southern Princess said...

You two make me smile! I just love it. I also appreciate your relationship...
you aren't so weird on the Twilight Slumber parties at 30...My sis & I do it as well. She is in her late 30's & I in my twenties. Yet we still pile up together and dish about all things relevant & silly. It is wonderful.

As for your tales of crazy-pervy-dental-man..um yeah that is a horrible job. Yuck. That being said, more stories of this should definitely be shared ;o)

Loretta Nyhan said...

I have never, ever used "LOL" in my life. This is a first. LOL!

K. M. Walton said...

The one big fused together tooth...funny. I am so glad that guy was not my dentist. Ick.

sunna said...

ZOMG, I think I was offered a job in this office when I was 16! No kidding: we had a dentist ~exactly~ like that (the older guy): he only ever hired high school girls to be his dental assistants, and he refused to wear gloves. Also, he stuck with the old dental practice of killing nerves with arsenic.

Needless to say, I decided to work in an ice cream parlor. Now I know what I missed. :)

Melissa said...

That is hilarious! I couldn't imagine working in that kind of office.

My sister is three years younger than me. We could not get along at all when we were living under the same roof, but as soon as I moved out things improved. Now she's my bff:)

Katie said...

so damn funny!!!!!!!

Jemi Fraser said...

So glad that was NOT my dentist's office!!! Creepy! The toothbrush thing is still sending shivers up and down my spine :(

SB said...

sounds like you're much better off now...though the stories you could still tell!!!

Ryan said...

I need to know if the Twizzler addiction began while working at the dentists office. That would be poetic in a way.

jessjordan said...

Maybe you two should write third person. You kind of rock at it.

ann foxlee said...

LOL!
Sorry, didn't mean to laugh at your expense!
My sister and I worked together twice. Once was a summer spent as Tax Examiners for the state of Indiana (sigh...thanks, Dad-who-was-an-auditor-for-30-years. I guess we know how to do our taxes at least...)
The following summer we rebelled and insisted on working as lifeguards at the local waterpark. Much more fun than stupid taxes, plus we got to 'keep a lookout' for tornadoes the whole time--exciting!

Daisy Whitney said...

Totally adorable story!

Lori W. said...

I loved this sister story! My sister and I worked for at our Dad's business one summer but he staffed us in completely dift. departments . . . all the drama was saved for after work.

Donna Gambale said...

I worked at an orthodontist's office all through high school... cleaning dirty instruments after they scraped gunk from braces. Ick. I was sufficiently traumatized to include something inspired by that in my novel.

I worked with my 4 years older sister one summer in the kitchen of a motherhouse... aka a nursing home for retired missionary nuns. No joke.

Katie Plato said...

CRYING!!!!

Dangerous With a Pen said...

I laughed hysterically at this post. My teenage jobs sucked, too - I worked at Dairy Queen (alone. With mono.) and as one of those mall survey girls. UGH. But my sisters never worked with me - how funny to look back at those memories together!

PS - I could never write with my sisters. I love them, but... NO. ;)