Monday, September 19, 2011

Small Town Laughs

The two times a week that our local paper is delivered, my husband and I fight over the pages. Well, one page in particular. The Police Reports. There is always at least one blurb that makes us laugh out loud and a few that go down in history.
Here's our favorite from this week...

A Lakedge Court resident said he heard suspicious yelling nearby Sept. 7. The resident said a female yelled, "Go, go, go!" loudly, which sounded to him like an argument that was escalating. Police discovered a woman urging her reluctant dog to go outside in the rain, according to the police report.

Niiiice.

And here are the two that go down in history from last year...

A 26-year-old woman summoned police Oct. 22 after she spotted a large spider on the dashboard of her vehicle at 2:52 p.m. The driver immediately pulled off Darrow Road and called 911 for an officer's assistance, according to police records.

The officer reported the female was standing at the roadside on Darrow Road with all the doors on her vehicle ajar. The woman said the spider was most likely poisonous since it was yellow and black. She said it was first observed on her dashboard and last seen crawling underneath her driver's seat. The officer did not find the spider after a thorough search.

The officer reassured the woman that the spider probably was not poisonous, and she left the scene without incident, according to police reports.

And our number one fave. Drum roll please...

A Sullivan Road resident called police to report a "suspicious package" on his front porch Nov. 2 at 3:20 p.m. The resident said he observed an unknown person leave the package and called police, according to the police report. The officer said he could see the package was clearly labeled with the Amazon.com logo and asked the man if he had ordered anything from the firm recently.

The man reportedly said "Why yes, I did."

The officer told the resident his order had arrived. The resident then said he was comfortable opening the box. The officer then left the scene, according to the report.

We're almost postive the reporters at the paper choose the most ridiculous ones to print. They must have so much fun at work.

6 comments:

Stephsco said...

Is it because it's a small town paper that there's so much detail? My local paper does police reports but they're one line and almost always about a car break-in.

My college newspaper used to put in "crime beat" and those were hilarious. My favorite was someone acting suspicious by a dumpster in front of a dorm. The exact time and place are reported and we realized we were there, so we always made jokes about living in the dumpster and lurking around by it.

Caroline Starr Rose said...

When I lived in small town Michigan, I remember something like this in our paper. It involved a dog covered in ketchup...

Carolina Valdez Miller said...

HAHAHAHA! I need to start getting the paper again. Never even occurred to me to check police reports. That's awesome.

Bethany Elizabeth said...

We have a section devoted entirely to weird police reports in our paper, it's great! Living in Bellingham (a liberal/eco-friendly city with more than it's fair share of marijuana problems) is always interesting. :)

Myrna Foster said...

Yeah. Those are some very patient police officers. Gotta love small town newspapers. Ours makes me laugh every week.

Matthew MacNish said...

You should see the ones that come up in the local free weekly papers in big cities. Like Seattle's paper was called The Stranger, and people were getting up to all kinds of shenanigans.