I think I spy Jo and Loretta dancing on a table near the bar. Come Together started playing and they just couldn't resist. Little Ms. J. is teaching P-Clo some of her patented pole dancing moves. Kelly is looking everywhere for the crown she borrowed from her daughter and Suzanne is laughing because she totally hid it from her. Rebecca and Christina are gossiping about how much cooler our conference is compared to that other conference. Abby and Corey are working on opening another bottle of Prosecco, and I swear I just saw Elana, Tess and Sarah make off with our Twizzlers.
Turns out our conference really doesn't involve much writing. Go figure.
In an effort to call everyone to order without seeming like a total wet blanket, Laura takes the stage in her tiara and Homecoming Queen sash to announce the latest D-Bag-O-Meter reading.
I have a confession to make. I only watched one episode of the Bachelorette. I know, I know, you must be wondering how on earth I am in a position to judge. Well, let me share a little secret. Thanks to Us Weekly's handy dandy slideshow entitled, Jillian and Ed's Most Romantic Bachelorette Moments, it feels exactly as though I tuned in to the entire season, without wasting hours upon hours of my precious time. Phew, I feel better getting that off my chest.
Anyways, when I plugged your name into our prized invention, the D-Bag-O-Meter (patent pending), the arrow went a bit crazy, hovering closely around Spencer level (Total D-Bag) and finally settling a few marks away, labeling you a Serious D-Bag.
I've heard all about you Ed (and apparently so has the D-Bag-O-Meter). You go and offer Jillian (who, according to Joel McHale, has a great personality) a shiny engagement ring and then you cheat like the liar you are. It's bad enough that you left her, mid-season, because of your so-called job (I wonder, was this "job" you talk about being a lying cheat?), but then you go and send flirtatious text messages to some blonde chic, sleep with her and she spills the beans to Us or some other tabloid to make a buck (way to pick 'em).
Congratulations, Ed. Everyone's disappointed in you. But I will say, even after watching one lone episode of the Bachelorette, I never liked you and could see right through you. Kiptyn had my heart from day one (er, from the only day I watched).
Better luck next time Serious D-Bag.