Wednesday, September 2, 2009

I always knew this day would come...

Five years ago when I found out that the baby growing inside of me was a little boy I knew things would get complicated. You see, little boys come with equipment that I know nothing about. In the Roecker house we were all about sugar and spice and everything nice. Frogs, snails and puppy dog tails? Um...ew. We simply did not do puppy dog tails in Roecker land.

After the birth of my son I was in completely uncharted territory. There was the initial circumcision and then the re-circumcision (bet you didn't even know that existed, right?) a year later. And lately it's been his obsession with his..er...junk that is supposedly completely normal in a 4-year-old boy, but makes me feel like I'm taking a very small deviant to the playground.

Most recently Jack started peeing standing up, which apparently is a really cool thing when you're 4-years-old. And right around the same time he's developed an abhorrence for underwear. Please let the record show that I do force him to wear underwear during the day, but at night I'm tired and he puts his own pajamas on. As a result, he's usually going to bed commando.

Anyways, it turns out that all of these things, all of these experiences have been leading me to one inevitable moment in my life. It's been chilly around here the past couple of nights so we've broken out the warm pajamas for the kids, you know the ones that zip.

Do you see where this is all going now?

Jack did his typical Jedi-mind-wake-up move this morning and told me that he wanted breakfast, but first he had to go to the potty. I fell back into a dreamy sleep for a minute or two, but as soon as I heard the howl of pain I knew exactly what had happened. We had our very own There's Something About Mary moment. Jack had zipped his junk.

I jumped out of bed and unzipped it, and so far, I've spent the rest of the morning explaining why we can't put a band-aid on his junk.

Damn puppy dog tails.

29 comments:

storyqueen said...

Ooooouuuuucccchhh! No puppy dog tails in this house....but man, I feel your pain!

The joys of boys!

Shelley

confused homemaker said...

that makes me hurt for him & oddly enough i think every mom ends up talking about how bandaids don't go certain places.

Donna Gambale said...

hahaha owwwww. Growing up, it was just my sister and I, and I have this fear that I'd be completely dumbfounded if I ever gave birth to a baby boy. Good to know I'm not alone!

Tess said...

Poor kiddo! Now the fun part comes because it will be itchy while it heals up.... that'll make for interesting public outings ;)

Christina Lee said...

I was shielding my parts while reading this- it hasn't happened here...yet! But I do have a five year old who is completely fascinated by his junk already- grabbing it, asking what the little balls are inside his skin....my husband thinks it hysterically funny-those boys never grow up!!!

T. Anne said...

LOL! I have three boys and they have each zipped their junk exactly once. Trust me, they wise up pretty quick.

Solvang Sherrie said...

Oh, man! That bites!

My son has never zipped his junk =) but he sleeps commando too. And as soon as my daughter saw it was okay for him to sleep that way, well, of course she had to try it. It's just an underwear free zone over here...yeah, tmi...

Kimberly Derting said...

Poor poor baby!!! I'm wincing just thinking about it. And what the holy-frick is a re-circumcision...I thought *one* was bad enough!!!

Mariah Irvin said...

*Cringe*

Loretta Nyhan said...

Oh! Oh! Oh! Poor Jack! I have two boys so I know of what you speak.

I've never heard of a re-circumcision, though. But I don't think I really need to know--I'll just be grateful there was never a reason to enter it into my vocabulary.

Little Ms J said...

Poor Jack and his zipped junk. I always thought that when a boy grabbed his package it meant he had to pee. After the fourth time I asked my nephew in the span of ten minutes I realized he had a three year old boner. They really should keep those things locked up for a while.

Stina Lindenblatt said...

Ouch! I have two boys and fortunately never had that problem. But maybe they told their father and not me. I'm still working on the aiming for the toilet not the floor issue right now, though.

I don't know if you're interested, but I've given you an award that Suzette Saxton gave to me. (Now why does that sound like re-gifting? Hmmm. Re-awarding. I guess that's not even a word. Oh well, it's not exactly the same idea, either.)

You can check out my blog for more info.

Suzanne said...

Oh! What a trauma!

Glad I have three girls (all of a sudden!)

Rebecca Knight said...

Poor baby! I laughed.. and then immediately felt bad :P.

ElanaJ said...

Ouch! Boys!

SF and Katie said...

Oh holy moly! I did NOT expect to read this when I saw the title. haha

I am cracking up!

I can't comment as I have all girlies at my house - my poor hubby endures many a tear from 3 girls. (He thinks we have the most emotional house on the block!)

SF and Katie said...

Oh how weird that I just posted as SF and Katie! Cool - I forgot we could do that.

Well add 4 more to our girls and you have the world of SF and Katie. a grand total of 7 girls when we get together. (we count ourselves, of course :)

Katie

Sarah said...

Ouch!!

Frankie Diane Mallis said...

OMG!!!! Poor guy!

Icy Roses said...

Because of this story (not really, don't be alarmed), I don't want to have boys when I grow up.

Well, actually, I just want to have girls because I like doing girly things and I will feel very deprived of not being able to buy cute dresses and do cute hair.

You know in reality, I'm going to end up the mom in the supermarket screaming at three crying boys of varying ages. That's just how much life goes my way.

Jill Kemerer said...

Poor baby! Hope he got a popsicle, at least!

Ryan said...

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. Thankfully I have never had that happen to me (got a few hairs caught one time, but that's beside the point). *knock on wood*

But, beyond that, and I do feel your sons pain, I wanted to nominate you two for a Kreative Blogger award. Have fun, and I hope he's okay.

K. M. Walton said...

Made me wince and I don't even have junk. Ouch.

Joanna said...

Oh. My. God.

Joe (hubbie) says: "Oh! I feel bad for the poor little guy!"

Crystal said...

Oh wow, the poor little guy! I don't have any boys, but I can just imagine his pain!

Brittany at Mommy Words said...

Oh my I am glad I have a little while before this! Wow I hope he is okay. I feel the same way about boy parts. TOTALLY out of my league! Although I do have to say girls touch down there a lot more than I am okay with in a toddler too so I think just across the board it is odd to be a mom and be so close to someone else's privates for such a long time! Good Luck!

BTW I am following!

Tara said...

Oh no!!! Poor Jack!!!!!!!!

Kelly H-Y said...

Oh my goodness ... ouch!!! Poor thing ... I feel so bad for him, and yet I'm chuckling at the same time with the whole 'something about Mary' reference. Hope he heals quickly.

Daisy Whitney said...

Hilarious!

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