Friday, September 18, 2009

PG-13 Friday

Three completely unrelated and totally random things we've learned this week:

1. Our blog has a PG-13-rating.

OnePlusYou Quizzes and Widgets

The first time we took the quiz we got a solid R-rating which was sort of hilarious because we're two of the biggest prudes on the planet.

Laura and I were laughing so hard we were crying last night when we were talking about how teenage girls love bad boys and one of the bad boys in our book used to smoke. Of course we made it VERY clear that he quit because we just couldn't stand the thought of young adults reading our book and thinking that smoking was cool.

We might as well have put him on the patch and had him give a lecture about what Cancerous lungs look like, but we're actually OK with that. We are many, many things. Edgy is not one of them.

2. A questionnaire for potential mom friends would be extraordinarily helpful for screening purposes. Now that preschool is back in session Jack is meeting new friends and some of them are asking to have play dates. Now the thing about preschool play dates is that it's also a mom date too, and sometimes (OK, usually) it doesn't go smoothly.

Like that time when crazy germaphobe mom said she'd never put her kids in childcare because she was worried about them picking up bad habits. The entire time she was talking I was blithely watching Jack body slam her son on a bouncy toy. News flash lady, if you're looking to avoid bad habits, play dates with my kids are probably NOT the best idea.

Or the time when Jack and his bestie locked someone's daughter in a closet and the mom told his preschool teacher who then separated Jack and his evil twin into two different classes. You're killing me lady, the number one rule of play dates is that what happens on play dates, STAYS on play dates.

Anyways, here's a little quiz for moms that might rule out any future awkwardness on play dates:
  • Are you comfortable letting your children play unsupervised?
  • Are you comfortable drinking wine with your children present?
  • Are your children poorly behaved and are you clueless about disciplining them?
  • Do you have other interests aside from your child and/or scrapbooking?
  • Do you regularly watch Bravo or the CW?
If you have answered "no" to more than one of the questions above, thanks for applying, but we won't be able to do that play date. Ever.

3. We have a new music inspired D-Bag-O-Meter (patent pending). Based on Kanye's heinous outburst at the VMA's and Josh Groban's hilarious cameo on Glee, we've created a brand new D-Bag-O-Meter.

It's just too perfect. Kanye and Josh are both exceedingly talented individuals, but Kanye takes himself WAY too seriously.

Seth Meyer's commentary on SNL's weekend update sums it up perfectly, "And really, Kanye, it's just a Video Music Award. They don't really matter. Just to give you a word of advice, if you ever see an old lady holding a 'World's Best Grandma' mug and you think you know a better grandma don't slap it out of her hand."

Kanye, you are such a D-Bag.

Meanwhile Josh Groban was freaking hilarious on Glee. Who knew that he's both uber talented and not afraid to make fun of himself? Awesome. Quintessential non-douche.

Have a fabulous weekend everyone!


MeganRebekah said...

I randomly happened to catch the SNL Live last night and loved Seth's line to Kayne (who I could totally see taking a mug from a grandma, provided a camera was around to capture it).

And yesterday I took the blog rating test and I got a G. Not sure what that says about my blog, but I figure I like Disney cartoons, and those are G-rated, so I'll just go with it!

Solvang Sherrie said...

I hated preschool play dates. I started thinking there was something seriously wrong with me because I am not a helicopter mother and I still believe that a little dirt never hurt anyone.

How did you find a rating for your blog? That's hilarious!

confused homemaker said...

I'm rated G, which is pretty funny because in life I'm a mixed bag. And I LOVE the Kanye addition.

Icy Roses said...

How did you reduce your rating?

You must use the new D-Bag-O-Meter soon. I don't think anyone can out-d-bag Kanye.

Mariah Irvin said...

Glee was awesome (and that SNL thing really made me laugh).

Jill Kemerer said...

What is wrong with Kanye West? It must have been killing him to stay out of the spotlight for one second. Egomaniac!

I just checked out your website. It's so pretty--I love the pictures! Have a great weekend!

sraasch said...

I <3 the D-Bag scale. Pure. Awesome.

Hardygirl said...

Hi girls! I was on a little while ago and then got sidetracked because I realized that I had not yet watched Glee (thank you, Hulu).

So, now, I'm back. I love Josh--my introduction to him was his appearance on an episode of Ally McBeal (the best one ever) way back when. I'm glad to see he remains a cutie with puppy dog eyes . . . but, durn, I was expecting (hoping) that he would hop on stage.

Also, the thumbless man bothers me. I can't look at him without thinking about that table saw. They are going to have to either give him thumb implants or boot him off the show. I just can't take looking at those bandages.

Where was I? Oh yes. The play date checklist. You should print some up at Kinkos and sell them at Babys R Us--forget the book deal. You'd be a gazillionaire!!!!

sf (oh, and you know I was kidding about forgetting the book deal, right? that one's a given and it's right around the corner . . . I can feel it . . . wicked voodoo vibes coming your way)

Corey Schwartz said...

Ha ha. I said "yes" to the first four, so .. great news! We can play! :)

Katie said...

Oh my - the playdate... And what's worse is when you feel like you have to stay over and fake conversation about bunko and scrapbooking while catching little Jack pummeling the play dater in the corner.

On another note, I got excited when, as I scrolled down, I saw the top of what I now recognize as the patent pending D bag-o-meter. But to see Kanye and my boy Josh on it brought me great joy!

Thanks for another fab post!

PS I'm gonna call you this weekend maybe... I need some brainstorming power.

Adios muchachas! (Not sure what that means, but it sounds good)


jessjordan said...

Oh I LOVE the music-inspired d-bag-o-meter! And there is no better choice for the far left side. (Except a part of me really thinks it should be Heidi, just for dating Spencer.) It's a shame, really, b/c his music's so darn catchy.

p.s. If my hubby and I laughed so hard at the no-opposable-thumbs part of Glee that we almost fell off the couch, does that make us bad people?

Lunar Amyscope said...

My kid isn't even gonna be born until December but reading over your mommy checklist made me very happy that I'm not the only one with similar thoughts. Heck yes!

Sarah said...

I think what the rating system failed to mention is that PG actually stands for Pure Genius. But I can see why you would think it meant risque.

Your play date tales are hilarious.

Also, I'm obviously a non-mom, but I would just like to say that I'm Team CW. And proud of it. Was it you guys that referred to the new Melrose Place as trashtastic? That is exactly why I watch the CW. Oh, and Top Model.

Suzanne said...

Sometimes a good laugh is all I need, and you two are always here to give it to me! Fantastic.

Kimberly Derting said...

I love the playdate mom quiz...I think that should apply to any parents of your kids' friends, but the questions have to age up for me, as in:

1) Do you allow your children to randomly surf YouTube in search of videos that could potentially give them nightmares (ie "Bloody Mary" and "The Candyman")?

2) Will you try to set up a "family meeting" should your child watch said videos in my home?

Umm, yeah, not a big fan of the "family meeting."

I may, or may not be, distributing your list at the bus stop on Monday. Just sayin!

Christina Lee said...

oh you got me rolling about the mom friend thing b/c it's SO true! hey we could be mom friends- I'll bring over a bottle each of white and red -and my son will tackle yours first in a matter of five seconds....

Loretta Nyhan said...

Too funny!

And, I answered yes to every question. I'm also OK with watching True Blood while the kids play in another room and the moms take turns guarding the door.

Where were you guys when my kids were in preschool?

sunna said...

This like just killed me: "No one is impressed when you take your stand against 19 year old girls, tiny Asian ladies or the 1st black president."

My blog is rated R, due to repeated use of the words "hell", "dead", "crack" and "ass".

The first and last ones I get, but crack? Dead?

storyqueen said...

You girls never stop cracking me up!! And you are right, a kid play date is also kind of a mommy date....which can be uber-weird with the wrong mommy.

Kind of like those kid birthday parties where the folks hang around.....and they don't know each other very well, so they're just kind of standing around, watching everything you do with kind of a judging look on their faces......yeah, glad those days are over!


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