Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Tell the Truth Tuesday: This is my life

Back when I was a teenager I was planning on being a cool mom or maybe not being a mom at all. In my twisted little 14-year-old brain motherhood seemed like a really long babysitting job without the $5-an-hour paycheck. Instead of getting married and having kids I was going to drive a Porsche Carerra and live in a fabulous loft in an even more fabulous city.

And here I am.

Living in Cleveland, Ohio with two kids who humiliate me in public on a daily basis. (Today a fellow mom at the library helpfully informed me that my son was pelting other children with blocks. Good times.) I drive an SUV with a third row of seats for carpooling purposes and a DVD player to keep the kids quiet on long drives. It's about as close as you can come to a minivan without actually driving a minivan. That's one line I'm not willing to cross.


I'm reading a discipline book called 1-2-3 Magic that forces you to do this horrible count down routine to get your kids to calm down. So I'm that mom in Target screaming, "That's ONE, Jack!" manically pointing my finger to the ceiling as my son rips open candy bar wrappers with his teeth.

This is my life.

I might look like the stereotypical suburban mom dressed in ratty yoga pants with screaming children, but I've got a dream. When everyone goes to sleep at night and the house is silent except for the hum of my Mac, I get to sit down in front of my computer and live an entirely different life. The frazzled mom is replaced by a confident writer.

This is my life.

And then after I've spent a few hours writing, blogging and watching only the trashiest of television, after I feel like I'm more than just the person who changes diapers and breaks up fights, I creep upstairs and kiss my gorgeous children goodnight.

This is my life.


Suzanne said...

Isn't it wonderful?

I can't cross the minivan or khaki shorts line...

Karen said...

I could not have phrased that better myself. Only I'm in the stage of "Did you do a poopy in your pants" in the middle of the mall. I never thought I would be the woman saying the word "poopy" in the mall. Or period.

K. M. Walton said...

My boys are 12 and 8 now and I remember those days of counting and time out. Each phase of motherhood/growing up is a wonder to me and I always seem to miss the phase that just ended. I love the next phase, but each time something ended, like holding the bottle or feeding in the high chair or singing the bedtime song or giving the bath, I always wished I could remember the very last time I did it. But I couldn't. It sort of just ended on its own.

Treasure those times...those counting times, because time flies.

p.s. I never crossed the minivan line either.

p.s.s. Karen: I hate to tell you this, but they still say poop when they're 12 and 8 :)

Corey Schwartz said...

Ha! My life too right down to the 1-2-3 Magic (even posted on that once :)

Natalie said...

I read this with my kids sitting by me. They kept asking me what I was laughing about. I loved your description of motherhood. It's really hard sometimes. but always worth it.

Christina Lee said...

haha we refuse to cross the minvan line too--but we only have one, so we have more options :) loved reading this!

Loretta Nyhan said...

This sounds soooo familiar.

Is that 1-2-3 Magic book required reading for mom's of preschoolers? We did it, too, and though my youngest is almost 7, I STILL count. I have this thing I call speed dial, where if the offense is particularly heinous I say "1, 2,3-OH!" Then he knows he's in trouble.

Great post.

Loretta Nyhan said...

OK, stress has now given me grammar issues. I meant "moms" not mom's. God, I'm a dork.

I'm also thinking about this post and, at the risky of sounding majorly cheesy, that last bit had me a little misty-eyed.

Kimberly Derting said...

Aww, I loved this! This is my life too, but with older kids who roll their eyes and tell me how "gay" I am (Good times).

K.M. is right, though, it goes SO fast. My oldest is in college now (I miss the 4-year-old her, temper tantrums and all)!!!

JennyMac said...

Love it.

and 1-2-3 Magic works wonders in this house. Wonders!

Mariah Irvin said...

My parents were 3-2-1 people.

If I didn't behave after that they would say "See ya later, I'm going home" and leave me throwing a tantrum until I realized that they were leaving me!

Very effective, if I say so myself.

Sarah said...

I still want to be you when I grow up.

Especially if the "really long babysitting job without the $5-an-hour paycheck" isn't an option.

The Blogger Girlz said...

Awww, that was so...sweet? :P Especially the part about getting to live a whole different life when you write, I love doing that! :D


Icy Roses said...

Well, you know, I'm still at that stage where I'm dreaming of living the fabulous life in a fabulous city being fabulous. And childless. At least for a while. Until I get boring and have children and move back to the Midwest (because let's face it: it's the best place to raise children).

I'll update you in ten years when my fabulous dream of fabulosity has been crushed.

On the plus side, you have made me see mothers with screaming children in public in a WHOLE NEW LIGHT. I mean, if they're as cool as you are in private, they can't be that bad. :-P

Kerri said...

Don't you just want to shout to those "helpful" moms about how there's "more" to you, that you have this whole other life at night? I do. Not that they'd care but it might make me feel better. It's really like being two people, who you are for everyone else and who you are for yourself.

sunna said...

I'm kidless, so I'm clueless on this one, but I just wanted to say that I plan to try this 1-2-3-Magic technique on my husband. I'll let you all know how it goes. :)

Solvang Sherrie said...

I drive a Volvo wagon. Sadly, I love my wagon. Yeah. Never thought I'd go there!

But one day soon, our dreams are going to come true. Just you wait :)

storyqueen said...

(Shhhhhh....don't tell anyone,but if you get rid of the SUV, you'll never have to drive the carpool.....shhhhhh.)

Just sayin.

I love your dream. And it will come true.

and life will be almost exactly the same.

Yet somehow magically different.


Little Ms J said...

Are you also into giving your kids options? Maybe it is because I don't have any yet, but when friends bend over and offer up meal choices, "Would you like chicken nuggets or hot dogs," I think back to my dad, "Eat it or starve."

I was a pretty good kid.

By the way, my sister in law doesn't think it's funny when I yell, "Beat him!" in a southern accent when my nephew is a brat.

Realm Lovejoy said...

Loved this post!!! So funny and sweet.

christine said...

LOL! Love this post. Having coached parents for years, I can tell you YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!! If you ever need a place to scream, you know where to find me *wink*

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