Monday, October 26, 2009

We're Bringing Catty Back

After all those good vibes we figured it was time for us to return to our usual catty programming. And thanks to an Us Weekly Breaking News Slideshow entitled Lindsay Lohan’s Face: How It’s Changed, I’ve been inspired to rhyme. Thank God no one cares enough about me to create a slideshow with crappy photos from my past.

(Editorial note from Lisa: Just wait till February 21st when it's your 29th birthday. You are going down)


Your debut included freckles and a normal-looking nose,

your red hair was to die for (despite a studded choker that blows).
And then you went for highlights, heavy on the chunk,

and covered up your freckles with some heavy duty gunk.

Your snout appeared more chiseled, your body did as well,
you got to pose for Cartier and were feeling pretty swell.

But your luck began to run out, things quickly headed south,
all photographs that surfaced featured a slightly open mouth.
You went back to basics, and dyed your hair dark brown,

you even tried a spray tan, not sure you’ll live that down.

Now your lips are looking juicy, shaped permanently in a kiss,

light pink is not their color, though I’m not quite sure what is.

Some lament the loss of Lindsay, the red-headed girl next door,
but let’s take some time to warn her of what could be in store.
Oh Meg Ryan, I’m so sorry. Girl from the show Las Vegas, why? Just why?

Save yourself Lindsay, cease the injections, let’s please see eye to eye.

19 comments:

MeganRebekah said...

My sister and I used to discuss how we liked Lindsay (back in the day, of course) because she was okay having curves and didn't seem to be crazy like some of the other starlets. Then she got hooked on drugs, lost a ton of weight and is basically the craziest of all the crazy starlets. Oy!

Karen said...

She had so much talent. Now, she just makes me so very, very sad.

Sarah said...

After that post, there's no way you can convince me that poetry isn't your calling. I mean, "your luck began to run out, things quickly headed south; all photographs that surfaced featured a slightly open mouth"?
Genius.
Lindsay really looked like she was going places during the Mean Girls days. My sister cites "Herbie: Fully Loaded" (remember that movie?) as the moment things started going downhill.
Talking/thinking cars should just be banned from cinema/TV until further notice. Look what they did to David Hasselhoff's career!

Natalie said...

Oh, poor Lindsay. Why'd she have to mess with a good thing?

Solvang Sherrie said...

One more reason to keep your kids at home instead of putting them in the movies. There aren't a lot of stories about kids who make it through Hollywood unscathed. Sad but true.

Frankie Diane Mallis said...

Oh I think I need to watch Mean Girls RIGHT NOW! Poor Lindsay!

Brigitte said...

She looks like Dolly Parton at the end. And she's 61!

People take money & fame too seriously. Outside of Cannes Fest & Tim Burton, they seem to have lost the true purpose of cinema. D: It breaks my heart.

I'm just glad Dakota Fanning isn't going down the same road! I don't care much about Lindsay anymore, but if the Paparazzi mess up with my Dakota, Imma come out with forks & knives dammit!!

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Loretta Nyhan said...

Meow! I like the catty. Keep it coming!

And La Lohan really aged in fast forward. She looks like Dina's sister!

Mariah Irvin said...

I used to love Lindsay when I was younger... I'd hate to imagine young girls looking up to her now.

~Jamie said...

oh wow! look how much she's changed? That's CRAZY! Poor girl... I always feel so sorry for her though :(

Shelli said...

meg ryan makes me sick now - why????

ElanaJ said...

ROTFL! You are an expert rhymer. I'm glad someone is, cuz I suck at poetry.

Little Ms J said...

Your next challenge - write a letter to her media whore of a father who is now acting as unofficial spokesman for Jon Gosselin. He had to start this snowball.

I see thing for LiLo in this order:

E True Hollywood Story
Celebrity Rehab
True Life "I used to be a celebrity"
Dancing With The Stars "The Comeback"

I'm pulling for you LiLo. I never liked you, but 'tis a shame to be hated on when you come from Michael and Dina.

Hardygirl said...

Too sad. Loved Lindsey in Parent Trap.

And, oh my, that site with the plunger puckers!

Tess said...

Let's hope it doesn't happen to us once our novels go platinum and the paparazzi are hounding us....

yes, let's make a "no injections no matter how famous we get" pact, shall we?

Erica said...

So sad. She had such promise... oh well. I don't get it. Why oh why would anyone do that to their lips.

Meg Ryan was so cute! I can't believe that pic of Brittney Murphy either. When the heck did that happen?

I love Mean Girls! great movie.

sunna said...

I should never have clicked that lip link this early in the morning. I can no longer drink my coffee.

"light pink is not their color, though I’m not quite sure what is"

*snort*

confused homemaker said...

She looks like her mother, even with the age she could be her mother's sister. Meaning Lindsay's looking 2x her age.

jessjordan said...

Just looked through the Lindsay slideshow. This is the PSA they should use when telling kids not to do drugs. Or get lip augmentation.

Yikes!