I haven't done one of these in a couple of weeks, so you'll have to excuse me if I'm a little rusty. Alas, we have learned quite a bit over the past couple of weeks and if there's one thing you know about us, it's that we're always willing to (over)share.
1. Agent + Vacation = 2 Unhappy Campers. We miss Major Agent! Yes, we know that everyone is entitled to some R&R, but our lives seem devoid of meaning without our 5 PM update e-mails from her. And we keep imagining her inbox being flooded with rejections while we're lazing around eating Twizzlers. Not fun.
2. Workouts + Sisters = Hilarity. Laura and Stacey did an interval training class with me today at the gym. I don't think twice about hopping around and looking like a complete jackass when I'm flying solo, but somehow seeing Laura and Stacey half heartedly punch and kick and trip over their own feet escalates the hilarity level. And it's all over if you make eye contact. We earned many a dirty look from our fellow classmates when we spent most of the class doubled over in laughter. I wonder if you burn more calories that way?
3. Jack + Banana Republic = Humiliation. Over the past couple weeks my 4-year-old has stepped up his efforts to drive me completely insane and humiliate me in public. It all started with an innocent trip to Banana Republic. I had a reward card that was about to expire, so against my better judgement I took Jack and Mia with me for a quick shopping trip.
I bribed them with promises of snacks and rides on the quarter sucking machines sitting right outside the store. Rather than behave like an actual human being, Jack decided to continuously push Mia's stroller into racks of clothing, and then (in spite of thousands of whispered warnings from me) he tipped her entire stroller over in the dressing room resulting in me delivering the unpalatable news that he would no longer be taking the promised airplane ride.
Commence the mother of all meltdowns.
Keep in mind that we're inside a dressing room, so while the other patrons could hear Jack screaming they could not see what was actually happening. I kneeled down and cupped Jack's face (a doctor and dog whisperer approved tactic to get him to make eye contact and calm down), and then he started screaming "STOP SPANKING ME MOMMY! YOU'RE HURTING ME! YOU PINCHED MY FACE! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
I think the worst part was having to do the walk of shame out of the dressing room. I'm surprised they didn't stitch a scarlet A on my shirt, for abuser.
4. Thai Food + Books + Wine + 6 Gals = Good Times. We had our first book club meeting Thursday night and it was ab fab. More to come on that on Monday.
5. NYC Prep + The Real World Cancun + 16 & Pregnant = The Apocalypse. Really nothing to add to this one. These shows are just a shocking conglomeration of trash and I'm single handedly adding to their weekly Nielson ratings. You're welcome.
Have a fabulous weekend everyone!
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Don't call this a comeback
So it’s been a minute. Or 10. Or truthfully more like 2,102,400. At least we think that’s how many minutes there are in 3 years, but let...
14 comments:
Oh, I love it when I reach out to touch my 10 year old and he flinches.
flinches! like I've ever hit him in his life!!!
And, btw, no such thing as an 'innocent trip' to a clothing store with a 4 year old. just doesn't exist.
You are freaking hilarious Lisa. I would definitely watch your reality show on mommyhood. Have a great weekend!
I second cassiecook. That was hilarious!
I can't seem to get into NYC Prep. I like trashy TV as much as the next person, but it's like the next level of low. And there's not even a Speidi.
Rolling on the floor from #3!
Love this as always! Have a great weekend Lisa and Laura.
Hahahaha. I'm laughing too hard to write anything of substance. #3 hahaha
Have a good w/e...and maybe stay away from Banana Republic...
If you're getting the "A", you might as well send me one too. My daughter was always calling me out on the quick "you'd better watch it" pinches I'd give her. My son was a whole other story. I could put him in time-out in the car until he was, like, 8 and he'd cry. Hello? He was freaking buckled in...where the hell was he going? I could probably still do it (and he's 15). Sucker!
I totally relate to #3. We had a melt down experience like that several years back. Oddly enough, it was inside a Gap!
Next time combine the Twizzlers with the Banana Republic...the Twizzlers are for him, not you :D
You found (or started?) a book club! Yay for you all!
Oooh, I love word math sentences!
And Tess, my 4 yo does that. Yeah, like I beat her regularly or something. Sheesh.
LOL at the dressing room story. Been there done that. I feel your pain. My son is 9 now and the meltdowns are few and far between. Thank God!!!
This is some math I can get behind. Ordinarily I would shudder at the sight of plus and minus signs and hit the little "multiplication" sign in the top right corner and exit right outta there. Look at you, changing peoples lives on blog at a time.
Good luck with the tattler. I hear all these horror stories about kids telling on their parents. I'm going to do what the lady at Circle K does, "If you say one more word I'm gonna take off this here flip flop..."
Think it will work?
I have missed these little Friday wrap-ups! Though I usually catch them on Saturdays since my day job literally makes me EARN MY WEEKEND every Friday.
Always great to unwind with my morning coffee to these.
I'm with Casie. LILA needs a reality show. I would be glued!
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