Top 10 Things You Should Know About Laura by Lisa

So...yeah, we're running out of things to blog about because our lives really aren't that exciting and I couldn't find any pictures to accurately illustrate the abysmal fashion choices that Jessie made on NYC Prep last night. (Chuck Taylors and leggings with a t-shirt when you're under 5'8 is just a bad idea and when you follow that ensemble up with a pair of SPARKLY SUSPENDERS it makes me want to send you a very succinct e-mail: Dude, seriously? You're rich. Buy a stylist.)

Anyways, we decided to do a couple of posts where I report 10 Random facts about Laura and then tomorrow, she'll do the same for me. I'm sure it's going to be riveting, so here it goes.

1. Laura is naturally skinny. For this reason alone we should all hate her. She looks the same whether she diets or works out or does nothing but sit on her ass and eat Twizzlers all day. I'm really not sure we could be friends if we weren't sisters. I'd be way too jealous.

2. Laura is the epitome of the middle child. She spent our entire childhood assuming that she was adopted and unloved. This resulted in lots of angsty poetry and journal entries about her life as the unwanted daughter. This was all highly entertaining for older, jealous sisters. Trust me.

3. Laura's husband looks EXACTLY like Josh Duhamel. I'll have to ask Stacey to do a little photoshop mock-up of the two of them next to each other. The end result is that Laura, John and little baby Lydia look like a family who has been genetically engineered for perfection. One of their babysitters recently went on record dubbing them "the hottest family EVER." Or my personal favorite, when the photographer who took their family picture asked "Are you sure you're from Cleveland? You guys are just too good looking for that town."

Update! Photoshop Genius Sister did a little side-by-side for us. Josh is on the left and John is on the right.




4. Laura is an amazing writer. She is so much more thoughtful in her writing than I am. She takes the time to visualize scenes and really think about how the characters are moving and reacting, whereas I sort of puke words onto the page and send them over to her to fix them.

5. Laura is SUPER shy. Laura has always been really shy and as a result people assumed she was a total bitch. So wrong. Even to this day there are certain people she's unable to make eye contact with. This always cracks me up about her because if you met her you'd think she was supremely self-confident. Apparently, the burdens of being gorgeous run deep.

6. Laura is hilarious. She's always had a special knack for making me laugh my ass off. Even when we were younger she would dress up in random outfits and do this little retarded reindeer dance that would crack me up. Totally not politically correct, but highly entertaining. And just this morning her retelling of an episode of Scare Tactics had me laughing so hard that tears started streaming down my cheeks.

7. Laura is the best mom. So much more patient than I am. And my mom is always going on and on about how organized and clean she is which is really a way for her to remind me how disorganized and sloppy I actually am. My mother's special gift for backhanded critiques is one that I've inherited. I should apologize to my children in advance.

8. Laura is a hypochondriac. She is constantly going to the doctor for real and imagined issues of all kinds. She was one of those kids that always had a wrist or ankle wrapped in an Ace bandage, praying that the Dr. would say it was broken and she'd be vindicated with an actual cast.

9. Laura is the best bargain hunter. Ever. She found a pair of Gucci sunglasses for me at TJ Maxx and they were only $30. She's one of those people that sifts through the racks at discount stores and always finds the most amazing things.

10. My daughter, Mia, is Laura's clone. She's goofy, hypersensitive and extremely high maintenance. A little mini-Laura for me to boss around and love. Let's just hope she inherits her aunt's big heart and fast metabolism.

P.S.
This is completely unrelated, but can we all agree that the editor of People Magazine is officially going to hell for this photo spread? It just seems wrong on so many levels.