Monday, February 2, 2009

Gmail Query Take 1

So, we admit, we're query whores. We love to query and couldn't resist drafting ours before we've even officially finished our first draft of the book.

What do you think? Does this work? We're totally open to feedback.

Kate Lowry has come to accept the fact that her best friend, Ava, is dead. She’s been missing for a year and her disappearance is one false lead away from cold case status. But when she gets a mysterious e-mail from Ava with cryptic clues to her whereabouts, she’s left with a choice. If she were like most girls, Kate would ignore Ava’s warning and go straight to the police.

But Kate isn’t most girls.

Instead, she decides to channel everyone’s favorite girl detective, pearls and all. Of course, Kate’s pearls are faux-Chanel, her skirts are way shorter and she’d totally take Nancy Drew in a girl fight, but you get the idea.

The e-mail leads Kate to believe Ava’s addict brother is a critical piece of the puzzle, but when her confrontation takes a dangerous turn, sexy bad boy, Liam Gilmour, becomes Kate’s knight-in-(not so)-shining armor. As Kate gets further entrenched in the mystery, she teams up with her awkward red-headed neighbor and launches an investigation involving the school’s resident Queen Bee, a newly-thin ex-bestie, and even Kate’s tarnished knight. Kate knew finding Ava wasn’t going to be easy, but figuring out who she should trust is more difficult than she ever could have imagined. After all, everyone’s a suspect.

Gmail is a YA Thriller, complete at XX,XXX words. We are sisters turned writing partners and Gmail is our second completed novel.


slhastings said...

Sounds like a great read!

A few suggestions, take 'em or leave 'em.

I'd change two choices to a choice- namely b/c two is redundant.

If she was like is wrong grammar-wise. Use were. It's okay to do so here.

I'd add an ellipse after most girls...(like that) and lose the So in the next paragraph.

And finally, instead of Well, perhaps try "So maybe Kate's pearls...etc.

I love the last paragraph!

Great job!

Lisa and Laura said...

Thanks Sam! I'm chewing on your edits now...stupid correct grammar doesn't sound right to me. That's probably not a good thing.

So jealous that you're getting ready to send your first query out...can't wait to hear how it goes!

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