Wednesday, June 2, 2010

How to Be Perky by LiLa



Now, if that's not the definition of perky, I don't know what is.

Okay, let's face it, being perky, like Kelly Ripa perky, either takes a nasty cocaine habit (Lisa swears Kelly was one of Ted Casablanca's Blind Vices) or a step-by-step guide. Since cocaine is expensive and addictive (oh yeah, and sort of illegal), we consider the guide to be a bit more user-friendly with the added benefit of an especially low risk of jail time. And let's not forget the convenience factor! Now you don't have to waste your time asking this question or even this one. You're welcome.

LiLa's 5-Step Guide to Perky Power

Step 1. Take a shower. Yes, this may seem obvious, but it's hard to feel perky with greasy hair. And before you slip into those yoga pants, think again. Studies prove that getting dressed in street clothes improve perkiness by up to 97%. Just kidding, go ahead and pull on those comfy yoga pants. Being perky is a lot easier when you're wearing an elastic waistband.

Step 2. Make some coffee, shoot back a couple of No-Doz Jessie Spano Style, rip into a Perky Jerky or watch a few funny YouTube videos. By the end of step 2, you should be ready to either run a marathon or tackle your day feeling all perk-a-licious. (Making up new words is totally optional, but certainly can't hurt.)

Step 3. Use air quotes and other animated hand gestures as much as humanly possible. This step is not for the faint of heart and we wouldn't recommend it unless we were sure it worked. You'll know you're on the right track if people feel like it's necessary to keep a minimum of 5 feet between you and them. The key here is that you want to give the impression that you were once a cheerleader or maybe even in drama club. Big movements, especially jazz hands, if you can swing 'em, always help.

Step 4. Endorse something or someone. Kelly Rippa pimps washing machines, Suzanne Sommers has the Thigh Master, and we prefer to spend our time stalking...er...recommending authors who we love. I mean what's the point of being perky if you're not spreading the love?

Step 5. Take a nap. Let's be honest, all that perkiness is kind of exhausting.

So, the next time you wake up in the morning feeling all crabby and (gasp!) un-perky. Just follow our simple 5-step program and you too will be ready to host the morning news sans illegal white powder. Or at least crank out a couple of amusing blog posts.

Happy Wednesday!

58 comments:

Matthew Rush said...

Oh. My. God. You guys were cute with your little "don't you dare take our picture" faces!

salarsenッ said...

No-Doz brings back memories. Does that make me perky??? Eh...nope. And hand gestures, too funny. What about people in invade your personal bubble? Ooh...I have issues with that one. Man, if I wanted to touch them I would. That crap creeps me out. LOL

Jill said...

Oh, yeah, baby! Caffeine, cocaine, and endorsements are where it's at! And I love the bit about hand gestures.

Tip #6 - speak in exclamation points, italics, and bold (now and then)!!!!!!!

Ann Marie Wraight said...

LOVED IT!

Just one small detail if I may - #1 may be enhanced if the shower is a COLD one...believe me - everybody will notice your perks if you use temperature control!

VERY CLEVER POST LADIES!!!

Jill Wheeler said...

Hey, ladies!! Have a great--er, perky--writing day!

~Nicole Ducleroir~ said...

Nothing brightens a conversation like jazz hands punctuation!

Christine Danek said...

You guys are too cute. I will remember this and use the five step program when I feel like you guys look in that pic.
Thanks!

Christine Danek said...

You guys are too cute. I will remember this and use the five step program when I feel like you guys look in that pic.
Thanks!

Jen said...

It's like rinse and repeat! I love it I think you two have come up with fantastic rules, and I completely agree with all air quotes and made up words, that can highten anyone's perkiness!!!

I always knew I could count on you guys for the best advice!

Alissa said...

I've never been an especially perky person. I'm pretty sure I trudged through my teen years saying nothing but the word "wonderful" in a dark and sarcastic tone. This guide is a big help.

Candyland said...

What a "great" (using air quotes) picture...

Deb said...

Too funny and love that picture! Some good perky advice for a "it's spring, why is it cold and frosty foggy out side??" day. Whilst shower this morn I am going to practice my air quotes, lol...being careful not to use any hip action (I might slip and break one). Cheers and happy Wednesday back :)

Stina Lindenblatt said...

I swear Kelly must crash big time after her show. All that perkiness must be exhausting.

I'm so glad you changed your mind about yoga pants. I love my once black yoga pants. They're perfect for writing. Now if only they'd actually inspire me to do . . . well, yoga.

paulgreci said...

I got poked in the eye by someone wielding air quotes. Definitely perked me up.

Kristi Helvig said...

I love the picture - and really love that you read the Blind Vices. Hope your day is perk-a-licious! :)

Emily J. Griffin said...

What do you think about Air Parenthesis? (I'm trying to make them happen.)

('0')

Um, I may need to work on the emoticon.

Cheree said...

Love the pic. I totally agree, especially the "air quotes"... or the caffeine can do it as well.

Heidi Willis said...

"especially jazz hands if you can swing 'em"

nearly spewed my coffee on the keyboard! This is laugh out loud funny! Thanks for the great start to my day! I'm feeling perkier already!

Simon C. Larter said...

As an antidote to all that perkiness (cuz, let's face it, who can stand to be around perky people all the time?), may I offer a 5-Step Guide to Cranky Power?

1. Take a shower, but don't use the hot water. It's bracing, and will start your day off completely wrong.

2. Skip the coffee, and avoid ibuprofen for the ensuing headache.

3. While nursing a caffeine-deprivation headache, hang around with perky people who use large hand gestures--and jazz hands, if they can swing 'em--and talk loudly and animatedly.

4. Watch infomercials in which Kelly Ripa pimps washing machines, Suzanne Somers pimps the thighmaster, and that beefy, happy guy with the ponytail pimps... whatever it is he's pimping these days.

5. Skip the nap.

I guarantee by dinnertime you'll be ready to bite someone's head off for saying hello.

You're welcome.

Elana Johnson said...

Love the pic! I fully endorse #1 and #5 for perkiness. And I'm a huge hand-talker. Lots of gesturing here. Crap, I guess I endorse that one too! :)

Tahereh said...

I DO THESE THINGS EVERY SINGLE DAY.

except for the elastic band.

Sara B. Larson said...

Ha ha, great list. So, fine. I guess I'll go take a shower. *grumble grumble* ;-)

Also, nice pic, I love it!

Jonathon Arntson said...

Yay, a how-to from the queens of PERK!

I do love how LiLa blogs, helpful fun and inspiring! Don't know if I can do jazz hands though.

Little Ms J said...

Is it me or does Laura have a villain eyebrow?

Shannon Whitney Messenger said...

Looking at pictures of pretty people--even if they're all pouty--does NOT make me perky. Good thing I like you guys. :)

And I'm Italian. I can't talk without hand gestures (as you'll see if you decide to watch my vlog today--but really, you don't have to. No really. REALLY.)

Thanks for the laugh! Your blog needs to be number six. I'm always in a much better (and dare I say Perkier?) mood after stopping by.

Courtney Barr - The Southern Princess said...

Okay - the picture = adorable!

I love being an upbeat person. ;o) and I LOVE visiting your blog - it always make my smile bigger!

Oh and Simon - I take cold showers every morning, don't drink coffee (at ALL), am allergic to ibuprofen (can only take acetaminophen), and don't take naps! (ALL TRUE) (infomercials - don't watch them at all...nope...now what was I supposed to do next? oh yeah FIX IT AND FORGET IT!)

Visit My Kingdom Anytime

Lisa and Laura said...

Ahh yes, the swoopy, villain brows. They made quite the statement. Unfortunately, my daughter has inherited the swirl and will be guided toward the nearest salon to get those bad boys waxed as soon as she's of age.

Patti said...

Showering is a good start, but if your in a hurry splashing cold water on your face might work.

Simon C. Larter said...

Cold showers, no coffee, and no naps? Can we all agree that Courtney Barr is a fembot? I think it explains some things.

Marsha Sigman said...

It's like you took my day and blogged about it.

Except the massive amounts of caffeine...

Marsha Sigman said...

I also love the pic and plan on penciling in my own villain eyebrows as soon as possible.

Serenissima said...

I feel perkier just reading this. But a nap wouldn't hurt.

Anne said...

Bahaha awesome. I love air quotes. I think everyone needs to learn how to master them.

Kari said...

And to think--cheerleaders manage this perkiness everyday. Amazing...

Krispy said...

Cute pic! What was the occasion?

The list is great, though I might suggest something along the lines of smiling until it hurts like Vocal Adrenaline in Glee: "You want to look so talented, it's literally hurting you. I want a look that's so optimistic, it could cure cancer."

Fake it 'til you make it, right? ;)

Dara said...

LOL, I have #3 down to an art :P

Steph said...

I just wrote a chapter in my wip last week where I channeled Jessie and her "I'm so, so scared!" he he.

Love this! And yes, I totally agree with the air quotes and such, as long as you don't go around SAYING "quote" "unquote" those people just suck! :)

Carolina Valdez Miller said...

You knew, I always wondered how perky people managed the perk. It's the flailing hands I was missing, I think. I'll try to incorporate it into my daily routine. I bet I'll be all perky now. Except, wait. I'm not endorsing anything yet. I think perhaps I'll endorse sugar. Cuz I really like sugar. Or maybe cheese.

I'm so super like OMG excited now because I can be all like perky and stuff!! Yay!!! *Flails hands and endorses cheese*

sarahmullengilbert said...

YES! The effects received from air quoting have long been underappreciated by the public at large. Thank you for helping address this gross oversight :)

Talli Roland said...

Shower + coffee = perky in my world! :) Love your tips!

Carolyn V. said...

Aw!!! I love the picture.

I think #1 will not only make you perky, but those around you will really appreciate it. =D

Carolyn V. said...

At least that's what my friends say. Not that I'm stinky or anything. *nervous grin*

Myrna Foster said...

LOL! :o)

Loretta Nyhan said...

You guys are totally using that as your author photo.

Southpaw said...

Perky is too tiring.

Tricia J. O'Brien said...

I second Loretta!

Jemi Fraser said...

Love it - may have to print this out and tack it to the bathroom mirror for the 'where in the world did I put my perky' days :)

Natalie Aguirre said...

I could use some perkiness. Coffee and a nap really help me.

Kelly said...

Ha! Love the pic!
Thanks for the perktastic lessons in perkiliciousness!
It's too late to even fake perkiness today, but tomorrow I will def perk it up! I'll even shower!

K. M. Walton said...

I definitely needed to laugh today & your perky recipe fit that bill. Thanks LiLa.

Dominique said...

Cute post.
Now, I'm missing caffeine. I'm doing a decaf and early to be/early to rise thing. Not sure how it's working yet.
I plan to try some of these perky tricks tomorrow. Heaven help anyone standing within five feet of my hands. ;)

Kristen Torres-Toro said...

Ha! This is great!

Yeah... I am most definitely not perky. Ever. :0)

Gail said...

Or just start your day with 3 consecutive cups of high test coffee. That will get you perky. Well, maybe just buzzing and a little teensy bit irritated. Oh hell, forget the perky!

Dawn Simon said...

I love the picture. You ladies are too adorable!

Thanks for the tips. :)

Laura Pauling said...

My sister and I have the hand motions when we talk thing down. Totally. And the thing is - it gets worse when we're together.

Anonymous said...

Thanks :)
--
http://www.miriadafilms.ru/ приобрести кино
для сайта lisa-laura.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

Почему регистрация не работает ?
--
http://pesennet.ru/ песни

Anonymous said...

I am Glad i came across this website.Added lisa-laura.blogspot.com to my bookmark!

Don't call this a comeback

So it’s been a minute. Or 10. Or truthfully more like 2,102,400. At least we think that’s how many minutes there are in 3 years, but let...