Friday, June 25, 2010

What We Learned This Week: The Celeb Edition

Just because it's summer doesn't mean we can't learn a lesson or two. Thank God for celebs.

1. Pimping your kids out to the paps with Twilight props is just tacktastic.


There are so many things wrong with this picture. We're not quite sure where to begin.
  • Um yeah, we get it Twi-hards across the world are excited for the movie premier, but Edward/R. Pattz on a BPA free water bottle? SERIOUSLY? Well, I guess it kind of works in a way. His chilly skin would theoretically keep your water nice and cold.
  • You're showing your Edward the vampire water bottle to your 18-month old daughter. Pimp your kids out for the paparazzi much?
  • Wouldn't you just love to know what Tori is saying to her daughter? "Look honey, this nice man is Edward. He'll suck your blood and watch you while you're sleeping."


2. It's REALLY hard to walk with hooves.


Thank God I saw this picture before packing for my trip next weekend. I almost grabbed my hoof-like black platform boots. Thanks to Lady Gaga, I decided to pack a nice sensible pair of sneakers instead. P.S. Can you imagine what she went through to take those bad boys off for security? If there were flight delays in NYC last week, I think we all know who to blame.

3. Botox is almost never a good idea.


Thank you, Kate. Before this, there was the slim chance we might have considered Botox. We can now safely say that day will never come. Do you think the Botox mixed with the venom in her blood to create the lovely cat-eyed look pictured above? MEOW.


3. The only excuse for jorts (the fugly offspring of jeans and knee length shorts) is....Crap, there isn't one. 


Yowsers. In the infamous words of Whitney herself, "Crack is whack." Beyonce, we don't know what you were smoking when you left the house looking like this, but please stop. You're gorgeous, and this...isn't.

4. Cameron Diaz is hot.


That bathing suit is not. Also Jim Carey was hilarious on In Living Color. We miss those days.



5. Every time Gwyneth wears something remotely unflattering, a fairy gets its wings. 

Okay, fine, this isn't really that bad. We just really wanted to say something mean about Gwynnie because the GOOP newsletter popped up in our inbox this week and it almost always inspires irrational Gwyneth hate.

So, how about you guys? What did you learn from US Weekly this week? Sound off in the comments about our horrible cattiness and have a fabulous weekend!

44 comments:

Cheree said...

Lol, I totally agree. Very hillarious.

Stina Lindenblatt said...

OMG! Kate looks scary. Poor kids!

It's always nice when a fairy gets her wings. Thanks Gwyneth for helping a great cause. :D

Have a fab weekend, girls!

Matthew Rush said...

You girls are evil - and we keep coming back because you entertain the hell out of us. Cat on ladies, cat on!

Today's guest blogger is Tahereh AKA TH Mafi!

Christine Danek said...

You guys rock! This made my day. Thanks for the US Weekly recap. I'm still smiling. You hit these dead on. What is Tori thinking? Ahhh celebs --they do entertain us on and off the stage/screen.

Kelly Lyman said...

Thanks for making my weekend! This was too funny. I think Gwyneth's shoes look like they belong in Gladiator or something. One thing I learned this week watching Jimmy Kimmel Live is that K-Stew should totally be used to giving interviews by now and she needs to stop acting like a 5 year old...it was so annoying listening to her twitch her way through the interview.

Renae said...

Thanks for giving me a laugh this morning! Celebs and their antics make for great entertainment!

Jill Kemerer said...

This made my morning! I wish Kate G. would leave the beauty enhancers alone. Sheesh! And hooves?? Hmm...

Have a great weekend!

Summer said...

Tori looks really scary in that picture.

Your post reminds me that I haven't checked out Go Fug Yourself in a while. Need to remedy that!!

Lee Nichols said...

We are so best friends in another lifetime. Snorted at "it's hard to walk with hooves."

Jonathon Arntson said...

A) Get off Gwyneth. I adore her and her husband and her fruity named child(ren?).

B) That dress is fugly.

Steena Holmes said...

This was the best blog for me to see before I leave for work!

Elana Johnson said...

Holy cow. I'm rolling over the Kate and Lady Gaga pics! Rolling!

And I love this catty side, so don't lose that!

Jen said...

LOVE IT!!! Good lord lets stop the botox... celebrities need to know when to call it quits.

I learned that Britney can't help but be naked... always showing lady parts that no one wanted to see to begin with, but certainly don't want to see now.

Dara said...

That Botox just made Kate look worse. I actually think Botox makes people look plastic and fake. Getting old is a fact of life. Looking plastic is not. :P

Meredith said...

Oh, Tori Spelling. You've always been so desperate. Also, I'm somewhat over Lady Gaga's weird fashions. Can't she just wear sneakers? You're right--airport security must have been a nightmare for her!

Creepy Query Girl said...

LOL- the second one totally cracked me up. You know whats sad is that when i was nine years old, I totally had a t shirt that went down to my knees (and was probably wearing jean jorts with it) that feature New Kids on the Block Joey's big ass face on the front. So I know that if I were a kid again, it'd probably be RobPat and his fangyfangs. Sad but true.

Amy said...

You two kill me. :)

....God, botox is scary stuff. Do you think she can open her mouth enough to get food in there now?

Kate said...

Ha ha I agree with all of them - hilarious.

Kate xx

Jessica said...

I'm such a hypocrite. I HATE haters, and I will go on and on about people who are so negative and blah blah.

BUT.

I have an irrational (?) hatred of Kate Gosselin. I want to push her off of the side of the earth. For serious.

So I laughed like a hyena when I heard about her bad botox. In fact, I'm still laughing.

I know, I know. But there's still room in my handbasket if you guys want to join me. :-)

Shannon Whitney Messenger said...

I've learned that I'm clearly missing out by not reading US Weekly. Look at all the awesome blog post inspiration! :)

Have a great weekend!

Sarah Enni said...

I had not seen any of this yet! And haterade for Gwyneth is NEVER irrational. Every time that woman opens her mouth (or sends a newsletter) I want to kick something.
You two are so awesome.

Marsha Sigman said...

I miss In Living Color!!! Jim Carey was awesome.

And actually hotter than Cam in that bikini.

Katie said...

"hooves." haha :)

That is EXACTLY what those freakish shoes look like!

Emilia Plater said...

LOL! This is awesome. Augh, damn you Gwyneth, I love your shoes too much to hate on your dress... *crisis* Those jorts are really terrible, though.

Re: Kate - O_O MAKE IT STOP!!

Tere Kirkland said...

I feel like I've been waiting for months to see Lady Gaga topple on those awful heels!

And thanks, Kate Gosselin, for this PSA. Botox is bad, mkay?

God, she looks like a completely different person.

Julie Musil said...

In the middle of my querying seriousness, you guys gave me a great laugh! Thanks for the smiles.

Krispy said...

Reading your recaps of what goes on in US Weekly is way more worth it.

Carolyn V. said...

Oh wow. Is that really Beyonce? Yeah, she needs to change.

Jen said...

Best celeb recap post EVER!!! Thanks for getting me all caught up! :)

Tricia J. O'Brien said...

My balloon is burst. I thought Gaga was a bovine shapeshifter with unique balancing ability.

Kathi Oram Peterson said...

Great pictures! Loved the sayings as well. Thanks for the chuckle. Have a great weekend!

Slamdunk said...

Too funny. Thanks also for expanding my vocabulary with jorts.

Zoe C. Courtman said...

Hooves. *snicker* :D

Sarah Enni said...

oh and p.s., if you're into that whole "award" thing: http://wp.me/sUnjt-823

Tabitha Bird said...

Yep, I too am now never getting botox. And what the F was Beyonce thinking???? Gosh girl! YOu have millions and sqillions and this is what money can buy?

Kim said...

I had to thoroughly examine those pix of Kate. I do NOT recognize her in that 2nd photo. Is that what she looks like these days? It doesn't look like Botox though. I thought Botox would actually lower her brows while it smoothed out forehead lines. *Iz confused*

February Grace said...

You've got an award over on my blog!

~bru

Tess said...

You have a pair of boots like that too? and the salesman said they were one of a kind...

hahaha..thanks for the laugh today, ladies. much appreciated.

Little Ms J said...

So, I was at the Dodger Stadium this weekend and learned a few things without an US Weekly:

1. Larry King is old and crusty.

2. Larry King's kids need to be beaten severely. I prefer someone pick up a flip flop or a hair brush and say, "Boy, I am going to whoop your ass." What a bunch of little shits.

3. Jane Seymour is really small and starting to wrinkle.

4. Jerry Ferrara is actually SHORTER than Kevin Connolly. Adrien Grenier is skinny, but his face his heaven in person. The girl eating half of his face was not so cute and clearly pulling a Tori Spelling. She kept angling toward anyone with a camera.

5. Flea is little too.

6. A-Rod has a really nice ass, but he has very skinny ankles.

7. I rarely pay attention to the actual game.

RaShelle said...

Funny, funny stuff!!!
It's one more reason I'm happy about the writeoncon, I found your blog. Yay me!

Dawn Simon said...

You two are hilarious! I hope you have a great week!

Margo Berendsen said...

the fairy gets its wings about made me knock my drink onto my laptop!

Carolina Valdez Miller said...

What's so horrible about cattiness? Really, ladies.

Except, I now want to throw my hoof boots at you. Thanks for ruining tomorrow's outfit for me. Those hoof boots would have looked awesome with my jorts.

Emily J. Griffin said...

This whole post should just be renamed: Every time Gwyneth wears something remotely unflattering, a fairy gets its wings.

That is all.

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