They're baaaaaaacccccckkkkkkk...

Recession, what recession? The REAL Housewives of Orange County are back and they're making those bitches from Atlanta and NYC look like the cheap knock-offs that they really are.

Ok, I'm not going to lie, I took notes while I watched the premier tonight. And yes, I do find this confession troubling on many levels, but I can't get into all that right now because I have WAY too much to talk about.

Some random thoughts on the episode:

1. First things first, they got rid of Quinn the Cougar! Thank god. She was so wrong on so many levels. That golf pro she practically devoured with desperation, the whole faux-Christian facade and her man-hunting ways were just a little much for me. Anyways, thank you, producers for ridding us of her annoying presence. She was tres miserable.
   
2. Ahh, but the good news is we have a new, new girl. Gretchen is in the house! She's roughly 18-years-old and is engaged to marry a man that's 4-years younger than her father and looks like an older, weaker version of Kenny Rogers. You can't make this stuff up. She's about to become wifey number five and subtle she is not. Not only did she break out "for realz" when dealing with her future hubby's kids who are approximately 2 years younger than she is, but she also did a little strip tease for the cameras when she was prepping for the jet ski ride that her husband was too old and too frail to join her on. This is one to watch ladies.


3. Yeah, Shane is HOT, but I feel like they might have replaced him with a new actor or something. Is it just me or did he look totally different?? Hot, but different. Hope he hasn't jumped onto some scary performance enhancing bandwagon....
   
4. Oh Laurie and George, they make me nauseous. We wouldn't need a stimulus plan if we forced George to invest a dollar every single time Laurie said "babe." Eeew.
   
5. Tamra's boobs are frightening and should be considered as the 6th and 7th housewife. Also, I totally forgot how creepy her relationship is with her "son." Here's to hoping we'll be seeing a lot of him this season.
   
6. And the scenes for the rest of the season were riveting. Did I hear Vicki refer to the fact that her husband once "filled her love tank" and now has left it "depleted?" There is something so wrong with that terminology, and you know that it cost her about $500,000 in therapy to come up with it.

Real Housewives of Orange County, you fill my love tank. And I seriously hope I can attend a live all-male review version of your show at some point in the future. This has to exist, right? If not, you heard it here first. Best. Idea. Ever.